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Abstract

ign.</li></ul><h2 id="de92">#3 Covert narcissists are expert flying monkey handlers</h2><p id="fcb0">If manipulating flying monkeys were an Olympic sport, they’d surely win. Covert narcissists often get more narcissistic supply from their flying monkeys than they do from you, their partner. They’ve been their grooming flying monkeys since childhood.</p><p id="d554">The flying monkeys have believed the covert narcissist’s idealized self and false reality are real for years or decades. It’s easy for them to believe even the most ridiculous things, because everyone else believes them, too.</p><p id="8589">Flying monkeys can be led down any path the covert narcissist chooses. Moreover, the covert narcissist started shaping the way their flying monkeys saw and see you on day one.</p><h2 id="8efd">#4 Covert narcissists are masters of plausible deniability</h2><p id="d171">They sabotage and undermine you in the most subtle, insidious ways. Then they use plausible deniability to avoid taking responsibility.</p><ul><li><i>I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it had cashews in it.</i> (When you’re allergic.)</li><li><i>I had no idea that would delete your calendar. I’m so stupid.</i></li><li><i>I’m sorry. You’re looking so great from working out, I thought you’d be a size small.</i> (When you’re self-conscious about your size and are a large.)</li><li><i>I had no idea you needed that. I was trying to be helpful.</i> (When they put your yoga towel in the washing machine before you head out to class.)</li><li><i>I have no idea where your keys are. Maybe you should put them on the hook when you get home.</i> (When they hid your keys.)</li></ul><p id="985b">Then they use plausible deniability with their flying monkeys to make you look crazy, further supporting their story.</p><ul><li><i>Can you believe she’d think I’d hide her keys?</i></li><li><i>I was just trying to be helpful!</i></li><li><i>Gosh, I just tried to do something nice.</i></li><li><i>Like I’d give him cashews on purpose! Does he think I want him to have a reaction?</i></li></ul><h2 id="4aeb">#5 Covert narcissist behaviors are so outrageous, they are unbelievable</h2><p id="a352">The things they do are so outrageous, so out of the realm of normal, that no one would believe these behaviors are possible without having been in a relationship with a covert narcissist.</p><ul><li>Colluding with your boss to get you fired</li><li>Emptying your joint bank accounts</li><li>Smearing you with heinous lie

Options

s</li><li>Breaking their ankle to avoid moving out after you break-up with them</li><li>Totaling their car to scare you into valuing them</li></ul><h2 id="0e7d">The ultimate mind-f*#k</h2><p id="0446">It’s impossible to wrap your head around how anyone can believe the things that were and still are being said about you.</p><p id="86dc">It’s mind-numbing. It defies all logic.</p><p id="b665">Eventually, you start to wonder how many stories you believed that were equally ridiculous. Like the other flying monkeys, you were also convinced. At one time, you were a very loyal flying monkey.</p><p id="4a35">That’s when you realize that none of it was ever real.</p><p id="e7cd"><b><i>Disclaimer: </i></b><i>This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.</i></p><p id="1139"><b>Dr Melissa Kalt, MD</b> is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, <a href="http://narclesslife.com/">3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist</a> and find information on working with her on <a href="https://melissakaltmd.com/">her website</a>.</p><p id="da7a">Recommended for you: <a href="https://readmedium.com/unimaginable-ways-narcissists-secretly-sabotage-you-23d215b3f371">Unimaginable Ways Narcissists Secretly Sabotage You</a> and <a href="https://readmedium.com/11-counter-intuitive-strategies-to-survive-a-narcissists-smear-campaign-3603d96d6879">11 Counter-Intuitive Strategies to Survive a Narcissist’s Smear Campaign</a></p><div id="41a8" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@MelissaKalt/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Melissa Kalt, MD</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*4NI6MMv82Ta45yhp)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

5 Insidious Reasons Covert Narcissists Are So Incredibly Convincing

How can anyone believe them?

You’ve broken up with a covert narcissist and you’re starting to hear stories.

Now that you’re no longer together, friends and family are starting to share things they’ve heard over the years.

You’re dumbfounded that ANYONE could believe these things. They are utterly ridiculous and easily disproven.

Yet, you start to realize there are hundreds of people who have heard these stories — and believe them.

How can the covert narcissist be so convincing?

Covert narcissists are incredibly convincing for 5 reasons

#1 Covert narcissists believe what they say is true

They believe their idealized self, their persona, is who they are. They also believe their made-up version of reality is real.

They have gaslit themselves into believing that they are

Honest
Trustworthy
Considerate
Loyal
Hard-working
Generous
Victims
Heroes

They are masters of persuasion. It’s easy to convince others because the covert narcissist genuinely BELIEVES what they say is true.

#2 Covert narcissists are masters of presenting well

The covert narcissist presents precisely what they want to show the world and orchestrates scenarios to do just that.

They appear so calm and collected while their partner is sobbing, screaming at them, hitting them, or appearing to lose their mind. They give a knowing look, smile, or shoulder shrug to the police, onlookers, family, or friends. They decline intervention or help.
They tell the legal system, “I’ve done everything possible for years to get to spend more time with my kids, but she keeps preventing it,” when documentation proves this is far from the truth.
They come off as so likable, so charming that no one believes they could be anything else.
They present themselves as someone who is nice, but not very smart, so they won’t be suspected of masterminding a massive smear campaign.

#3 Covert narcissists are expert flying monkey handlers

If manipulating flying monkeys were an Olympic sport, they’d surely win. Covert narcissists often get more narcissistic supply from their flying monkeys than they do from you, their partner. They’ve been their grooming flying monkeys since childhood.

The flying monkeys have believed the covert narcissist’s idealized self and false reality are real for years or decades. It’s easy for them to believe even the most ridiculous things, because everyone else believes them, too.

Flying monkeys can be led down any path the covert narcissist chooses. Moreover, the covert narcissist started shaping the way their flying monkeys saw and see you on day one.

#4 Covert narcissists are masters of plausible deniability

They sabotage and undermine you in the most subtle, insidious ways. Then they use plausible deniability to avoid taking responsibility.

I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it had cashews in it. (When you’re allergic.)
I had no idea that would delete your calendar. I’m so stupid.
I’m sorry. You’re looking so great from working out, I thought you’d be a size small. (When you’re self-conscious about your size and are a large.)
I had no idea you needed that. I was trying to be helpful. (When they put your yoga towel in the washing machine before you head out to class.)
I have no idea where your keys are. Maybe you should put them on the hook when you get home. (When they hid your keys.)

Then they use plausible deniability with their flying monkeys to make you look crazy, further supporting their story.

Can you believe she’d think I’d hide her keys?
I was just trying to be helpful!
Gosh, I just tried to do something nice.
Like I’d give him cashews on purpose! Does he think I want him to have a reaction?

#5 Covert narcissist behaviors are so outrageous, they are unbelievable

The things they do are so outrageous, so out of the realm of normal, that no one would believe these behaviors are possible without having been in a relationship with a covert narcissist.

Colluding with your boss to get you fired
Emptying your joint bank accounts
Smearing you with heinous lies
Breaking their ankle to avoid moving out after you break-up with them
Totaling their car to scare you into valuing them

The ultimate mind-f*#k

It’s impossible to wrap your head around how anyone can believe the things that were and still are being said about you.

It’s mind-numbing. It defies all logic.

Eventually, you start to wonder how many stories you believed that were equally ridiculous. Like the other flying monkeys, you were also convinced. At one time, you were a very loyal flying monkey.

That’s when you realize that none of it was ever real.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Join Medium with my referral link - Melissa Kalt, MD

As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…

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