What We Can Rely on Is the Great Loser Loses

Just when I think I’ve seen it all, the US Congress has come up with a novel way to screw things up. Remember that immigration bill that was supposed to be connected to an aid package to Ukraine? Well, it turns out that it’s really a pretty damned good bill. It makes some meaningful changes to immigration policy in general and it isn’t cruel. It’s actually humane while following existing law. People on both sides of the aisle have been working on it for months. Good news, right? Remember, this is the Congress we’re talking about here. No, there is not good news.

Once there was a President whose major talent was to lose at every turn. He lost at running a casino. He lost at educating folks with a university that apparently didn’t exist. He lost at selling steaks. He lost at selling water. He lost at being philanthropic. He lost at being President. He lost at being the reddest-red Republican that exists, for a mostly blue New York Elite Democrat, at least. That guy, you remember now, right? He doesn’t want that great immigration bill to pass. He wants to wait until after he loses the election to pass it.

He wants it so bad he called MagaMike and even the Mimsy Laura Ingram to make sure MagaMike heard him and said, “I don’t want to pass the immigration bill until I become President. Of course, Mimsy Laura made up some BS to say that the loser guy knew how to get that bill passed so he didn’t need MagaMike’s help to get it done. In the meantime MagaMike was supposed to tank the bill in the house. Why no, it doesn’t make any sense, come to think of it. But we are talking far-right assumptive perceptions here, right?

MagaMike is such a wimp he went straight away to the cable circuit and stated flatly, without knowing what the bill says or makes possible and without knowing what any part of what the actual bill is about, “That bill is dead on arrival in the House.” When asked by reporters if he was concerned that since the bill he and the Theocrats had demanded was exactly such an immigration bill, would his constituents be upset that he rejected the best bill Republicans have ever hoped for, even in fever dreams of absolute power? MagaMike, the Alfred E. Newman Magaclone responded with, “What? Me worry?”

Nine out of ten pedophiles say groveling may be much more dangerous to the psyche of young men than porn. I wonder if someone has programmed an app which can warn a grovel buddy when support is needed? If such an app exists someone should start gifting it to the far, far right MAGAdoodle contingent in Congress. It should go viral, especially if state MAGAdoodles are included in the gifting. Even if I could cut the far, far right enough slack to chalk up the “DOA” comment from MAGAMike as a misspoken gaffe and what he really meant was something else, he’s still groveling before the Great Loser.

That’s the part I do not understand. What is the hold the Great Loser has on the MAGAdoodle world? I hear from the media that every single politician who is the least bit right of center is afraid they will be primaried if they blaspheme the Great Loser. What will happen guys??? Will the Great Lose sic Kari on you? Will you be doomed to life at Mar Lardo for an eternal winter? You’re not afraid that the revolution will come for you, are you? You know, loser-endorsed people have one thing in common with their sponsor. They’re losers just like he is.

It turns out Dad was right. Birds of a feather do stick together. Who knew?

If I scrunch up my eyes just right I can kind of see how or maybe why the MAGAdoodles in government are fearful of the Great Loser’s retribution. He is our retribution after all. They might have to go back home and open a shoe store or a corner grocery if they don’t return to office. Being in office was a huge investment and a low percentage bet that paid off. They have something to lose besides their self respect, I suppose. But is that fear so great they don’t see the trajectory of history?

The policies of the Great Loser are precisely why he’s such a great loser. Did Kari the Lake Girl not serve as an everlasting sign post to you all? She has it worse than Lot’s wife. She was turned into a laughing stock. Might have been better a pillar of salt. At least a pillar of salt commands some degree of respect.

Does anyone really think that a dude who shits himself, wears makeup, lies about even the weather, acts tough, is more interested in pussy than business and is a proven loser, is going to command respect on your street? Come on now, don’t give me no malarkey, okay? But you say you want that dude to represent you on the world stage as your golden Jesus? What in the hell are you thinking with? There is virtually no metric where your golden Jesus accomplished anywhere near what old Joe has accomplished in less time. And now your guy wants to screw the whole nation so he can lose again? How does any of that make sense?

Just because I don’t understand how anyone would want to grovel before the Lonesome Loser, doesn’t mean I may be missing the joys of cultish groveling and just don’t know what I’m missing. I understand that to some people a smelly, obnoxious braggadocious liar is exactly what they envision as an ideal leading world class power broker. That I have trouble seeing how that scenario ends well does not mean that folks who want that happy ending should not strive to achieve their hearts’ desires.

It doesn’t matter if you consider a golden Jesus to be God’s gift to humanity or if you think a golden Jesus is a false god, I think you’d have to agree that laws should be enforced fairly, not cruelly. Would you want your speeding stop to result in you being thrown in the back of a police van because you didn’t understand why your car could not be driven on a certain day due to the license plate number? That would not be fair, but it would be cruel, right?

I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of leaning towards thinking the MAGAdoodles don’t really want to pass that immigration bill because it might not allow them to be as cruel as they want to be. It must be horrible to be so insecure that cruelty is the only protective mechanism you can wholeheartedly endorse.

I wonder if it wouldn’t be better to just pass the damned bill than to tan your balls to prove your manliness? I mean, the theme here is not tanning down there, it’s about groveling. How about let’s forego groveling as a national pastime? Maybe try it out for Lent and see if we like it? You might find that your private junk may grow in relation to how erect your backbone is, though. At least you could stand tall and proud and maybe understand that the reason the Great Loser is a perennial loser is because he has half-baked ideas. It could be that no one much cares to listen to a loser whine about how unfair it is that he always loses. Maybe it would be more politically expedient to just get the damned bill passed and then build on success? It’s a strange idea, but it could work, ya know?

Besides guys, The Great Loser does what he does. He loses. You can count on him losing this time, too. It isn’t even likely that he’ll still be in the running by the time the election rolls around.

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