Dark Brandon calls Malarkey on MAGA’s Lonesome Loser’s Crying Wolf

Lately, I’ve been all wondered at the Republican side of the political spectrum. I cannot fathom how an entire demographic of any population could have arrived at adulthood and never heard of the little boy who cried wolf? Apparently, that’s a thing the MAGA-leaning magic thinkers have missed. If you come running in from the fields hollering about wolves and stolen elections one time, people will run for the guns or the capital, depending. If you do that once and there are really wolves and stolen elections, well then, we got us a conversation. But, if there ain’t any wolves nor stolen elections, we got us some raised eyebrows. If you do all that again, we have something more pressing to do than to stand here listening to you.

If you constantly play all innocent with, “I just saw a big bad wolf hanging out with a stolen election,” every day, much less all day long, every day, I think we ought to promote you to wolf-watcher and election anti-fraudster-in-chief. I don’t think we dare to promote you to any other in-chief positions we have available for the moment, however. I think your reputation precedes you, sir. We do have a nice cave for you at the top of the furthest mountain peak we could find, sir. I’m afraid cell service is a bit limited, sir, but we have installed a landline and an old-timey modem just for you, sir. We’ll call you on that line if we need to know about wolves or stolen elections, sir.

Now, for all those brilliant, if myopic brown nosers who can’t think for themselves, but somehow got elected to Congress, I’d like a word. Really?????? You boys really think that a New York flim-flam man who bankrupted a frigging casino is your ticket to political greatness? Why in the name of God did you get on that plane? You knew the pilot didn’t have a license to fly, the plane had no windows, the seats were stained with a foul-smelling sticky substance, there were ketchup stains on the walls and the steward wore a white tee shirt with small holes burned all down the front, had bad teeth and… he chain-smoked Marlboro Reds. You didn’t even have to buy a ticket. The pilot promised to pay for it himself. And if he didn’t, then Mexico would. You got on that plane all by yourselves, right? What were you thinking? You didn’t suspect anything when you were introduced to the kids? Daisy Mae and the Menéndez Brothers?

One other thing, ya’ll. Some of you are using a flawed logic set. You think that if you or your Orange Jesus is in charge, it’s because God put him there. But you forget that there is more than one side to God. He is wonderful and generous and takes care of his children and all, but he also has a mean sense of humor and will encourage you to believe anything you want to. He doesn’t mind if you have to screw up big time to learn things. And for those of you who are sure that God speaks to you, would you care to recall that there is a scale to measure how advanced a civilization is? It’s called the Kardashev scale. On that scale, we here on the third rock from the sun are at zero. We would have to harness the energy of the sun to make it to a 1 on Mr. Kardashev’s scale. I doubt there’s much use in describing what a civilization that’s a 10 can do, huh? You really think God is going to devote resources to we backwater interplanetary spores? We are more closely related to Protozoa than to even dogs within the grand scale of the universe, if not the multiverse. We ain’t got all that much rank, in other words. Might be good for us to mind our own affairs for a while until we can get that sun energy lassoed and hogtied, whaddaya say?

For the folks who are not wowed by the Mar Lardo experience and not all that happy about Dark Brandon’s age, I’d like to say, “There ain’t a choice!” No kidding. Joe Biden is a decent human being with actually 10 times the experience that our Lonesome Loser has. Joe is pro-life from a perspective that the self-proclaimed interpreters of God’s intention just can not grasp. Joe talks to people. The Lonesome Loser talks “at” people and can’t control himself in lots of ways.

“His narcissism, his incontinence, his incuriosity, and his general lack of decency are just four traits that make him incapable of the sort of work the job requires.”

- Washington Examiner, Jan 6, 2024

If this is the dog you have in this fight, I’d be careful not to bet too heavy. I don’t think your boy is going to have much of a chance just because he’s worn out that song and dance he does about how he has to eat worms because Joe won’t feed him steak. Not only that, but Joe bogarts the Adderall and Sudafed and that makes the Lonesome Loser down right moody late at night. That’s the Truth.

Perhaps the most notable chasm between 45 and 46 is that one is an adult and the other is a child who’s grown old (thank you John Payne.) The other day at Valley Forge, Joe transformed into Dark Brandon and you could see into a fierce protective force that a father has for his children as he defended fallen soldiers, abused election workers, disabled reporters and addressed reality head-on. On nearly the same day, the Lonesome Loser bragged about the size of the crowd on Jan. 6, 2020. He called the Jan. 6 defendants “hostages” and he made those tired old wolf and stolen election claims at his Presidential rally in Iowa, where he also claimed that the FBI and ANTIFA were leading the charge on that fateful insurgent day. Connection of any variety to reality did not make the trip to Iowa, it appears. Since the guy is leading in polling it might be a good idea for someone who knows how to make those white canes for the seeing impaired, to open a franchise in Des Moines, ya know?

Something of concern is the Lonesome Loser Minions who have been swept into our lives in the wake of the passing of the Lonesomest Loser of them all. They are kind of like the sparks that fly off a log that falls into the coals. They spray up and out, are not much trouble, are kind of entertaining, but must not be left to their own devices. There is a perspective which shows some of the most sparkly Illuminati of the helplessly right of center, to be decidedly childish with their application of complex thought, the ability to reach agreement, meaningful social awareness and a worldly knowledge base any more inclusive than what would be appropriate to Bent Fork Appalachia and the majority of the surrounding county. It’s not likely that any politician will be doing anything against the law should he or she adopt a more nearly-mature approach to these social concepts we all kind of expect to be mastered by the time an individual exits university life for the suburban dream. One has to wonder if the world can withstand us continuing to send grown men and women to Congress where they act as though they are in junior high school or even grade school. Laura in the theater is definitely high school. Margie running her mouth about anything is definitely that girl in the fifth grade whose parents told her how smart she was. Matt crushing ED meds is definitely the locker room jock with the girly pics in his locker. 11th grade? Mikey and his big glasses setting off that authentic Alfred E. Newman haircut is definitely the class president of the 9th grade. The Lonesome Loser is definitely the drop-out guy with the hot car and the hots for the hot chick with the big boobs and those tight capri pants. Don’t be surprised if this malarkey doesn’t commence to settle down when Father Joe puts the whole lot of them in detention. When he does those kinds of things, he remembers how he used to express elation. He always claimed to feel like the cat’s meow. Now at last you know why Father Joe doesn’t stutter, he has pleasurable memories which sometimes crowd his words, is all. And some memories are better than others.

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