Hope, Healing and Humour | Community Engagement | Newsletterish

This Is Why Suicide Takes More Than One Life

How we can help those who are contemplating it, or those who are left behind

“Hope is a necessity for normal life and the major weapon against the suicide impulse.” — Karl A. Menninger

Hello, beloved readers and writers!

How has your week been? I love hearing your bits of news and updates to sagas, like the fact that Trista Signe Ainsworth’s son is finally getting his cast off next week! Yay!

Please pop into the comments and share with us the important events of your life! Or the silly stuff that lights you up! Those little delights are what makes life so magical.

Share yours and sprinkle some of that magic on the rest of us!

Shifting Gears…

Okay…this is where we dive into the Tough Subject. Recently, something reminded me of an incident from several years ago. I wish I could say it was something wonderful. It wasn’t, as you can guess from the title of today’s newsletterish. But it is essential to open up a discussion about it.

It’s the only chance we have to prevent unnecessary suffering and deaths from suicide.

I stayed in bed later than usual that morning, not at all interested in getting up after a restless night. Nestled in my soft featherbed, listening to the quiet morning sounds of this sleepy little village, my world was snug and warm, and very safe.

The rooster across the lane kept urging me to get up. The cows told him to be quiet. The birds sang me back to sleep a time or two.

But eventually, the rooster won. I left the peace and comfort of my delicious bed and within minutes, was reminded of how quickly things change in this life. I received the shocking news that my little sister had found her husband after his suicide.

He’d made another attempt just one week earlier but followed it with words of apology, saying he didn’t mean to take so many pills and would never do anything like it again. He was in hospital for a day or two but they believed him and sent him home. All of us were stunned by this; he had taken way more pills than could possibly be considered an accident.

He convinced everyone that he wouldn’t do it again. He was smiling and cheerful; in a matter of days, he convinced his loved ones that it was safe to leave him alone for just a short time.

This time, he did some research and chose a sure-fire method. This time, he wasn’t going to get it wrong. He would see to it that it was as permanent as the gruesome memory that his young widow will now carry with her forever.

He left her confused, and his children, too, with his family feeling guilty. They felt responsible. They were filled with regrets and “if onlys.” They would have to work long and hard to accept that it was not through any fault of their own that he made this choice.

Somehow, they would have to come to terms with the fact that they were not responsible. That they had no control over his actions. That they are not to blame.

Such is the legacy of a suicide…

They would struggle with their anger — and their guilt about their anger, both of which are perfectly normal but it’s easy for someone on the outside to say that. It’s another matter entirely to believe it when you’re directly affected by it.

For the rest of their lives, they will struggle to understand what he was thinking, and how he could have ended up in such a dark and terrible place. They will struggle to imagine how he could have done what he did, and not to imagine him preparing and actually doing it.

They will struggle not to be tormented by wondering if he suffered and what his last moments were like.

I know that side of it; like many others in the world I have lost special people to suicide. But I know, too, how it feels to be that depressed. I’ve reached that point more than once in my life.

The last time was the worst. It was many years ago but I will always remember it like it was last week. I had been unbearably ill with a life-threatening condition for such a long time, I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t bear the physical suffering and on top of that, I felt like a huge burden on everyone around me.

So I made a plan.

Typical of people who attempt or commit suicide, once I had that plan I felt better. Because of my training in social work and counselling, I was acutely aware of the fact that I had a fool-proof plan and wasn’t talking about it. I knew I was high risk for follow-through, and that thought only made me feel more relieved.

I was happier than I’d been in ages. I felt peaceful, knowing I had a way to end my suffering. I had a few things to do first and was waiting for the right time.

But I had a thriving homeopathy practice; my patients still needed me. As long as I could help them, I was still of some use in the world.

Somehow I carried on, putting one foot in front of the other every minute, and the minutes became hours and the hours became days. After a few weeks, I managed to find a tiny glimmer of hope. I focused on it until I was able to pull myself out of that terrible hole. I can’t tell you how relieved I am about that now…

And since then, I’ve always said you can live a long time on just a little bit of hope. It can make all the difference between saving and ending a life.

So I understand both sides of this horribly ugly coin. I’ve been the one left behind, and I’ve been the one wanting to go. And on both counts, I know I’m not alone.

Sometimes we meet people who are constantly threatening to kill themselves. Sometimes it goes on and on and happens over every little drama and eventually, we don’t believe them any more. We say they just want attention. We say it’s “just a cry for help.” Then they make a half-hearted attempt and sometimes it is minimised — again, “just a cry for help.”

But it’s not “just” a cry for help.

Okay, perhaps they don’t really want to die. But maybe they don’t want to live anymore.

Or maybe they just hurt so much they don’t know how else to say it. Maybe they don’t know where to go for help, or maybe they just need to know someone cares because they feel so desperately alone and unlovable.

We mustn’t get frustrated with people who behave like this; instead, we must try to find out what’s wrong and see if there’s a way to get the help that they need. But of course, these people have to be willing to help themselves. Sometimes they are, sometimes they are not — they just want to be rescued.

But all talk of suicide must be taken seriously — just in case an attempt is made. Sometimes attempts are only meant to be half-hearted and death wasn’t really on the menu but it happens anyway.

About 25% of the time, there is no warning. There are those people who just up and do it without talking about it. Those suicides occurs out of the blue, and sometimes there isn’t even a note. They were here one minute, and gone the next.

But there are many cases where there are plenty of signs. It is important to know them and hopefully, you will be able to spot the potential for suicide in someone who is on the edge and contemplating or planning it. These are some of the signs:

* Appearing depressed or sad most of the time * Talking or writing about death or suicide * Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness * Rage, shame, guilt * Drug or alcohol abuse * Withdrawing socially or from family * Feeling trapped in a situation * Impulsivity * Changes in mood or personality * No interest in anything, especially favourite activities * Changes in eating or sleeping habits * Giving away favourite belongings * Talking about Wills, insurance policies etc.

If you know someone who is struggling with this issue, take it seriously. Be as supportive as you can be and see if you can assist in finding the appropriate kind of help for the specific issues that have led to these feelings.

If you are depressed and having any thoughts about ending your life, remember that it is a permanent solution to temporary problems. Although you may be feeling like you’d be doing everyone a favour by checking out, that is your depression talking.

There is always hope. There is always help. There is always support — you just have to look for it, or accept it when it’s offered.

Life is so precious. Sometimes it’s bloody hard, too. But the hard parts always pass. The only constant is change. I would never have believed I could be well again, given how ill I was all those years ago when I had decided to check out. The odds were very much stacked against me and recovery seemed hopeless.

But I had a miracle. And if I’d given in to my desire to end my life, I would have left behind a large group of devastated family and friends. I would have missed so many wonderful experiences with them. I would have missed the best part of my life — the part where I found my way to happiness.

Whether you’re the person contemplating it, or dealing with someone who is, don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t give up.

There is no second chance when they try till they get it right.

The invitation: This week (and beyond), I would love to see your stories and poems about how you have dealt with this painful topic.

In particular, I will be looking for content that offers hope and healing for those who are currently in a dark place, or those who have been affected by a suicide.

I would love to see your coping strategies, your insights, anything that helped you — or is helping you — get through it.

Sometimes, all it takes to make that difference is seeing one particular quote or a short story, anything that somehow offers the right message in a way that can be heard and absorbed.

I believe this is how God — the Universe — Source — whatever — works. He/She/It works through “Earth Angels,” people who unwittingly participate in Divine Intervention by becoming messengers of just the right words at the right time.

Perhaps your words will save a life.

Celebrate our growth with me, please!

• Hope, Healing and Humour has 139 followers
• Shorties But Goodies — 222
• And Witchy’s pub has 56

Witchy spends a lot of time twirling through my cottage and garden these days. The feedback for her interviews and her Tarot readings has been fantastic!

As it says on her website and social media, her mission is “to light up the world with hope, healing and humour” (Hmm, I wonder how this pub got its name?!), and she seems to have made a good start!

Sidebar: And, uh…about those “Tarot readings”…her heart is in the right place, but…well…let’s just say her interpretations of the cards are rather, uh…“loose.” 🤦🏻‍♀️

In case you missed this week’s interview of one of our precious Pub Family members, here’s the fun she had with our adorable Carrie Kolar. And will you just look at that smile??

Witchy’s got a lot more interviews lined up and wow, do we ever have some fascinating people in our Pub Family!

And…as always, Witchy has a smile for you at the end of this newsletterish (What would Hope, Healing and Humour be without some humour??!). So be sure to scroll past all the faaaantastic submissions we had since last week!

And speaking of those…Wow!

A hearty THANK YOU!!! to those of you who offered your beautiful gifts of words and heart and insights this week!

Check out this amazing line-up!

Tamil is back with yet another hilarious conversation (well, two, actually) between her and her more-than-just-a-little precocious daughter! I’m still chuckling!

Sally Prag blew my socks off with her response to my invitation to write about fear of success. I can’t even tell you how many ways in which this hit me sideways. A fantastic story that I’m sure will hit home for many:

Andreia Damian has some cool info about why the snooze button is NOT your friend!

BichoDoMato the marvellous, magnificent multilinguist among us — shares some nifty thoughts on just how he does it!

He’s also busy trying not to stuff food into his kids’ eyes…(Yeah, you read that correctly):

Mary V has some reeeeally delightful tips to bright up every single day — and it’s more than just these adorable teeny doughnuts!!

Donnette Anglin talks about an issue that many people share…and a simple solution that can make all the difference in the world:

Neha Sonney, Author is definitely marching to the beat of her own drum and explains so many fabulous reasons why!

Ashley Nicole had a spooky experience that may or may not have had an innocent explanation!!!

Elvie Lins❤️ wrote a sweet poem about something it’s too easy to take for granted…

Gauri Sirur shares a bittersweet moment with a beautiful validation that every writer will appreciate:

Christina offers up a serving of love with some beautiful insights and reminders that we can never hear too often:

She’s also responded to my invitation to write about the fear of success and/or failure with an absolutely brilliant piece. I love her take on this and the simple but powerful insights she has shared:

Here’s another short one by Christina that I’m certain will strike an all-too-familiar chord with everyone who reads it:

Sahil Patel shares a poem about his passion for writing and I’m sure anyone who writes will relate to this!

And he offers some insights that he fought hard to gain. No doubt all of us can relate to his words:

Sahil has also shared a beautiful poem with us about something deeply personal to him, and I’m sure all of us can relate to these sentiments…

Here’s another lovely poem by Sahil about the power of choice:

Jessica Rabel poses a very cool question about Batman…what do you think about this?

She’s also got a short but punchy reminder about how to avoid getting into toxic relationships:

JF Danskin offers some thoughts on a particular challenge we can face as writers. How far should we take our freedom to explore?

A.H. Mehr offers an encouraging piece with some excellent insights. Gosh, I wish someone had told me these things when was a troubled teen, or even in my challenging early adult years. It could have massively changed my life:

CARMEN F MICSA has a quirky little story to share — how good is your nose?

DL Nemeril has offered up a sweet, inspiring and thought-provoking piece that made me giggle as I absorbed its deeper truth and message. Take a peek!

Everyone on the planet can relate to this super short piece by Elvie Lins❤️ . Enjoy this simple reminder that can get you through tough times:

Nicole Hilbig is always finding incredibly interesting facts and information. This one was more of the same! Fascinating!

And now…for Witchy’s story of the week…a little something from visiting a friend in hospital recently. Gotta love how observant she is…

A huge “Thank you!” to our writers for Hope, Healing and Humour, and Shorties But Goodies!:

Dr Andrea Polzer Kris Bedenian Rodney Brazier Patti Murray Voncannon Carrie Kolar Croix Sather Deb Fiore Dina Alexander DL Nemeril Donnette Anglin Loren Lieberthal Jimmy Misner Jr. Judy Millar Julie Gaeta Pene Hodge Karen Schwartz James Knight Laura Izquierdo Dr. Preeti Singh Radhika Iyer Sam Branstner Sharon Sayler, Author Umme Salma Susie Kearley Tamil T Mann Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles Lion~ Wendy S. Bradfield Yana Bostongirl Jo An Fox-Wright Maddox Suma Narayan Penny Walsh Shameem Anwar Irene Fassler Sandy Peckinpah Trista Signe Ainsworth Slow train A.H. Mehr Alex Frederickson Ashley Nicole B.R. Shenoy Carolyn Hastings Christina Christine Vann, MSc. Ellie Jacobson ✍🏻 The Soulful Scribbler Isabel Young Kaz Rochford Nia Simone McLeod Nicole Hilbig Patricia Wright Pam Winter Rachella Angel Page Jodian Marie Thomas, MS, Bsc, Asc L Burton Muhammad Abdullah Kate Aries Danielle Hestand Sahil Patel Jessica Rabel Sharing Words Malky McEwan Belinda Castle Barbara Cook Tyra Jaide Megan Llorente Eko BP Drashti Shroff Evergreen Eden Bernie Pullen Hamsalekha Rhea Anglesey CARMEN F MICSA Robin Oakman Mary Vraa Libby Shively McAvoy Kristina God Niall Leah Debbra Lupien, Voice of the Akashic Records Toya Qualls-Barnette June Kirri Dawn :) Divya Goswami BichoDoMato Evon Carole Olsen Cosmin Firta Jennifer Dunne Kylie van Gelder Neha Sonney, Author Christina Sponias Ian Hanson Ira Robinson JF Danskin Patrick OConnell Mary V Elvie Lins❤️ Carmellita Roopleen Esther Friolo- Guirao Gauri Sirur Kristie Leong M.D. IJaveria Ansari Asim Nori Dipo Adebayo Andreia Damian Berthran Benaiah Jenine Bsharah Baines Jodi Marie Ximena Paz Paredes