Say Anything… Even My Name. My Queer Movie/TV Crush
A Prism & Pen writing prompt.
My queer movie crush was and is Ione Skye.
My relationship to her should be pretty obvious. Gotta be crushing uber-hard to try and honor an actress by taking her name and making it yours. Most folks remember her from the movie “Say Anything.” That was the movie that said to me, “Be Anything. Be her.” The class valedictorian emotionally stunted by a corrupt dad and then captivating a quietly heroic John Cusack.
Well, except for that iconic scene where he held up the boombox outside her window to play Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.” That was loud and clear.
Not that I wanted to be under a father’s thumb. Not sure if that would have been better than what I did get. More on that later.
The thing is, John Cusack was everything Brother — my former self — wished he could be in that movie. And that ironically, Brother kind of was. Crushed hard on intelligence. And vulnerability. Especially when wrapped in the curvy innocence I’m sure the casting director went voila! at when Ione auditioned. Could win that pure heart and lose it by being, well, Brother.
But I was there, in Brother, too. Who yearned to be as young and pretty as Ione was in that film. Who also had an absent dad, except mine died rather than being a controlling and corrupt ass. And I mean dad in the best sense of the word, not just a sperm-donor who thought that act gave him rights over your life. And our roles were swapped inside me. Brother was outwardly the awkward intelligent (class salutatorian) and emotionally hopeful nerd. But was that my inner Diane peeking through? Like Lloyd, Brother engaged in a non-mainstream sport, surfing, that hadn’t yet gained the really official, i.e overwhelming capitalist bent it has now. He was given to over-the-top emotional displays like the boombox scene. He also spent a lot of time in the company of women who weren’t and never would be “girlfriends” but would always be bestie “girl” friends. I feel kinda proud that I made him do that.
The ending scene, where they’re both on the plane and Lloyd is holding Diane’s hand and telling her everything will be fine if she can just hold on until the “ding?” Surreal for me, identifying with both characters at the same time, wanting to be both of them in that moment.
I sure hope that doesn’t make me some sort of weird narcissist.
So, maybe my queer movie crushes were both Ione Skye and John Cusack. Two icons to fit both me and Brother.
There is now to think about, though, isn’t there?
So many that touch my particular brand of queer weirdness. Or would that be weird queerness?
Tig Notaro comes immediately to mind, for her sketch on “This American Life” about her love for Taylor Dayne’s voice. And host Ira Glass punks her by bringing on Taylor Dayne to sing “I’ll Always Love You” to Tig at the close of her sketch. Can anyone imagine a more queer tear-jerker moment than that?
Well, how about when Nomi and Amanita get married at the end of the “Sense8" series finale that fans brought about by their uproar over the Netflix cancellation? Or about how every episode queer folk got another glimpse into our best transformational powers? How could any queer person not crush on every one of the main characters, and by extension, the actors who played them?
Only to get an almost complete cast reunion in “The Matrix: Resurrections?” How could any trans person not respect-crush hard on Lana Wachowski after that? Or any queer person, period?
It’s easy to become lost in despair over all the slings and arrows queer people are having lobbed at them today. It’s easy to lose hope. To lose belief.
Don’t you do it.
Embrace your crushes, and the warm fuzzies they engender in you. Use that warmth to relight your fire of belief in yourself and our greater community.
We could all stand a bit of “crushing” together.
This story is a response to the Prism & Pen writing prompt, My Queer Movie Crush, Then and Now.