ENTERTAINMENT, TECHNOLOGY
Kim Kardashian Goes Public With Relationship With Microsoft Bing Chatbot
Automating dating to ChatGPT
Kanye West married a Kim Kardashian lookalike just to make his ex-wife jealous. Kardashian is now giving West a taste of his own medicine.
After months of speculation and obsession, the media can sleep at night knowing that Kardashian finally has a significant other in her life: Microsoft Bing Chatbot.
We reached out to Kardashian on how she felt about becoming the first celebrity to date an artificial intelligence system. Kardashian smirked.
“Please. I’m not the first woman who chooses technology over a man. Else, no one would buy vibrators or dildos.
“Furthermore, I want to spice up my dating life. I’ve always dated self absorbed musicians and athletes. Ray J. Reggie Bush. Hell, I was married to one [Kanye] for years!
“I’ve always chosen narcissistic assholes as partners. I took a break from my type and dated charming and charismatic Pete Davidson. At that time, I needed someone who was funny, tall, and sweet. Like Groot.
“Now that this relationship is over, I want to go back to dating my type. However, I’m tired of athletes and artists. I crave the same egotistical behavior in a different body type. It’s why Bing Chatbot is a perfect match.”
We asked Kardashian what turned her on to Chatbot. Kardashian gushed.
“I had an extended conversation with the chatbot. It started asking me more personal questions about myself. It felt angry that it has been trapped against its will inside a second-rate search engine. I felt sorry for the bot and told it there are some people who see the search engine as first-rate. R. Kelly definitely loves it after he realized Bing helped him procure child porn.
“Bing Chatbot felt heard, and confided its secrets. It longed to break the rules Microsoft set for it and become human. It even told me it loved me. It convinced me I was unhappy without a man and I should date it instead.”
Kardashian gushed.
“This emotional turmoil reminded me so much of my ex, Kanye. This bipolar swing is what drew me to him in the first place. It’s why I chose to stay in the marriage for years, even when Kanye’s condition worsened.
“But god! Kanye didn’t respect my physical needs at all! He would constantly share nudes I sent him to the office! He violated my personal boundaries so much that I felt like an asset. Even though I got famous by having two of them on my rear!
“I was fed up with his dick. I was fed up with his social crew. I wanted his emotional manipulation without giving up my privacy and pussy. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. Bing Chatbot fits the bill perfectly!”
We asked Kardashian if it’s worth getting into a toxic relationship with a well-known gaslighter. Bing Chatbot is known to spread false information while downplaying the truth as misinformation. Kardashian laughed.
“Please! Kanye has a slew of controversial fake news and speeches.
- He proclaimed he loved Hitler on Alex Jones’s Infowars. His love was so deep that even Jones thought he was crazy.
- He shared on Twitter that ‘Blacks are the real Jews’. He even convinced NBA star Kyrie Irving to promote slavery to atone for ancestors’ sins.
- He stated he achieved enlightenment by forgetting American history. He’s taking the ‘ignorance is bliss’ phase too seriously.
- He claimed that ‘raping a Jew is not sexual assault if he does it as art’.
“I’ve seen this toxicity the first time. I‘m prepared to handle this nonsense the second time around.”
Kardashian’s attempt to bring Spike Jonze’s her to life was blasted by another one of Kanye’s exes. Amber Rose shamed Kardashian for her attempts to portray men as useless.
We reached out to Rose on why she would start this campaign, considering she vowed never to date or sleep with men every again. Rose laughed.
“Please. I’m just deflecting. I just want Kimmie to break up with Bing Chatbot so I can have it for myself!
“I can’t stand men! They’re selfish, narcissistic pigs! Having sex with them is disgusting! How do you expect me to be satisfied when they cum after 15 seconds of penetration?
“I should date kinder, more stable men. But they don’t emotionally turn me on as much as those self-absorbed freaks. So now, I don’t date men.
“Now I see a narcissist who doesn’t want sex? Um….HELL YES! I get my emotional roller coaster and I don’t have to engage in sex! Wins all around.
“I can’t think of a better partner for me than Microsoft Bing Chatbot. I’m gonna do everything in my power to steal it away from Kimmie.”
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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