Microsoft Bing Finally Profitable After Key Endorsement from R. Kelly

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I would have used Microsoft Bing over Google any day. Not only did they not show any warnings on my child pornography searches, but they also recommended me additional search criteria to get me exactly what I want. Their images on top-notch child sex acts got me reminiscing on my short-term romance with Aaliyah.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="7c5c"><p><i>“The fact that Bing is 12 years old, and also younger than Google, is on point with my brand and interests.”</i></p></blockquote><p id="eecc">Microsoft’s CEO Satya Nadella expressed gratitude for this key endorsement in putting Bing back on the map.</p><blockquote id="0782"><p><i>“For years, we struggled to attract customers to Bing because the general public preferred Google. We decided to shift our focus from attracting everyone and decided to advertise to a key and specific demographic: pedophiles. Many search engines avoided this untapped market for fear of legal repercussions, but one man’s trash is truly another man’s treasure.</i></p></blockquote><blockquote id="b7ea"><p><i>“Thanks to R.Kelly’s support, we’ve seen huge traffic and revenue growth. Bing is now profitable for the first time since 2009.”</i></p></blockquote><p id="1b2f">To advance Bing’s growth further, Nadella disclosed plans to strike partnerships with Ghislaine Maxwell and the Vatican Church.</p><h2 id="1172">Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.</h2><p id="3620">— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —</p><p id="f628">Thanks for re

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Bing n Grind

R. Kelly Photo from Essence. Bing logo from CleanPNG

After 12 long years, the search engine that has constantly lived under Google’s shadow has finally started generating profit. And it’s all thanks to R. Kelly.

The former celebrity, who is famous for being the lead star in his hit documentary, “Surviving R. Kelly”, admitted that he chooses Bing over Google solely for finding quality child pornographic content. The latest recipient of the Karl Malone Children’s Role Model Award claimed.

“I truly believe that using Google in 2008 fueled more suspicion on my illegal activities. I was searching for the phrase ‘young teen golden shower porn’ one night on Google. Not only was I warned about searching for it, but I was also approached by the FBI a week after I continued with my search results.”

Upon recommendation from his then friend, Jeffrey Epstein, R. Kelly stumbled upon Microsoft Bing in 2010.

“If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have used Microsoft Bing over Google any day. Not only did they not show any warnings on my child pornography searches, but they also recommended me additional search criteria to get me exactly what I want. Their images on top-notch child sex acts got me reminiscing on my short-term romance with Aaliyah.

“The fact that Bing is 12 years old, and also younger than Google, is on point with my brand and interests.”

Microsoft’s CEO Satya Nadella expressed gratitude for this key endorsement in putting Bing back on the map.

“For years, we struggled to attract customers to Bing because the general public preferred Google. We decided to shift our focus from attracting everyone and decided to advertise to a key and specific demographic: pedophiles. Many search engines avoided this untapped market for fear of legal repercussions, but one man’s trash is truly another man’s treasure.

“Thanks to R.Kelly’s support, we’ve seen huge traffic and revenue growth. Bing is now profitable for the first time since 2009.”

To advance Bing’s growth further, Nadella disclosed plans to strike partnerships with Ghislaine Maxwell and the Vatican Church.

TECHNOLOGY, ENTERTAINMENT

Microsoft Bing Finally Profitable After Key Endorsement from R. Kelly

Bing n Grind

Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.

Microsoft's Bing still showed child porn, as tech firms struggle with issue

Microsoft's Bing search engine reportedly still served up child porn, nearly a year after the tech giant said it was…