Satire, Humor, Quantum
Is Cat Dead or Alive? Perhaps Both!
50% bug versus 50% feature superposition dilemma; you decide.
Anything is possible in the quantum world.
Anything?
Yes, we can have a cat dead and alive at the same time.
We, mortals, observe and try to make sense of obscure things. But the Big Giant Head may have a different plan for mortals.
I will take the metaphor to our writing platform.
On this platform, we have top writers. They are creative, insightful, inspiring, and, most of the time, entertaining.
Some of them perform serious experiments to bring insights like Jennifer Geer.
Yet, there are other types as well.
Top writers also have a different sense of humor. I mean, they can be hilarious sometimes. I adore them because they tickle my aging metalhead a lot.
Let’s take Annie (not her real name). I borrowed this popular pseudonym from Conny Manero, who crafts fascinating stories and debunks myths a lot on our writing platform.
Annie is an all-star legend. She loves experimenting with creating new meanings. No wonder thousands follow her popular pitch and colorful path.
As far as experimentation goes, Annie sometimes goes too far, even further to further miles compared to me. True, I perform as an ethical hacker, but Annie questions ethics. In short, Annie and I are like Ying Yang in this writing platform.
Why do I use Annie as an example of this paradox, or do you call it a dilemma?
Because Annie is unique and novel with a fresh perspective. One thing she refrains is the recycled content. She invents scientifically and even manufactures artfully.
For instance, who would go so far by talking about sex toys e.g., robotic dildos in their account to create some erections, she might mean attraction considering her raw writing.
Annie doesn’t care about ethics as far as science concerns. She salivates like Pavlov’s dog when she senses some unusual smell or hears a weird bell sound that rarely rings nowadays.
She was saying that her account needed EDT.
EDT? I prompted.
I got confused and asked Annie: “What have your stats got to do with Electronic Data Transfer?”
She nudged my metalhead, pointing out nicely that her account needed erectile dysfunctional treatment as it was not functioning correctly.
Penny dropped.
What an excellent adult education for me from legendary Annie; I needed her hilarious remarks at this challenging weekend.
When you are orchestrating a significant publication, you experience no dull moments. Things pop up from everywhere or nowhere and create paradoxical laughter in global settings.
Let’s take I-C, our poor ILLUMINATION-Curated account. The poor account cannot even publish a single article from the massive queue flooded by annoyed writers impatiently waiting for hours to showcase their masterpieces to diminishing readers. I asked the upset I-C what the problem was.
Apparently, the Big Giant Head kept commanding, “You’ve reached the limit of stories that can be published in one day. Please try again tomorrow”. Annoyed, I-C reported the issue twice to the Big Giant Head, waited patiently for 24 hours, and received the same command from the sleeping Big Giant Head.
I-C asked me what to do now. I said Interesting Scenario, but not Funny.
As a new kid on the block, just like young yet old Tommy, you know the information officer in the Third Rock from the Sun. Yes, you can be 240-something years old but a teenager at the same.
I-C is a bit shy to express true emotions. Ethics stops I-C from expressing them.
Considering the dilemma in the Third Rock from the Sun, I sometimes feel like Tommy, sometimes like Dr Dick Solomon and even Dr Mary Albright. But I don’t feel like Harry or Sally, they don’t resonate with my nature. Annie acts like Sally sometimes.
Anyway, to cut the cat dilemma short, I recommended I-C to express them in a story, perhaps like Sheldon in Big Bang Theory, who knows quantum paradox better than any mortal thanks to his gigantic and dysfunctional IQ. But poor I-C was not even able to post a story. The Big Giant Head restricted again; harshly with a metallic command.
I told I-C to be patient and open-minded to dilemma, just like the crew does in the Third Rock from the Sun. I-C approached the 42 editors to get help and consolation, thinking 42 is the meaning of the universe.
I don’t know I-C, but I was born middle-aged, so I’m not capable of using F- words as artful as legend Julia E Hubbel can. Wish I could as she did here!
Considering I-C’s pain induced by the reactions of annoyed writers and the substantial restrictions from the Big Giant Head, I needed to give vent to my emotions like any other mortal now and then.
People give vent to their strong emotions in various ways.
The most vital outlet term that I can use is “strange”.
Isn’t a cat being dead and alive at the same time a “strange” case?
Admittedly, I used the term “idiotic” a few times in my posts. But it was for only special occasions when idiots stick their dirty nose to the private stinky parts. How else could you characterize their poor behaviour?
Euphemistic exceptions, like these for extreme cases referring to toxic behavior, seem to be understandable and justifiable.
Anyway, back to my lifeblood, I meant data.
As far as data goes, top writers split into two categories on my sentiment dashboard.
As inspired by my hero Marvin Minsky, my serendipity machine can sense online emotions through sentiment analysis. It even detected 5% anomaly when I was confused yet grateful and flattered.
Back to our paradoxical experiment as it is revealing.
50% says the cat is dead, but the other 50% asserts that it is alive.
My soft heart desires the poor cat to be alive.
Is it possible for a cat to be dead and alive at the same time?
Yes, everything is possible in the quantum domain.
I didn’t make it up. Schrödinger did it.
We call it a paradox and sometimes a dilemma.
In mortals’ vernacular, this equates 50% bug and 50% feature.
Who knows the absolute answer?
The Big Giant Head, of course.
Thank you for reading my perspective.
The inspiration for this satirical story came to me when we applied thought experimentation with some top writers at the weekend. Some writers experiment with different things to test the changes in their writing platforms. Top writers are the source of inspiration, and they love entertaining while informing. I always enjoy hanging out with them.
The moral of this story?
This is life. Everything is possible.
A cat can be dead and alive at the same.
Keep an open mind.
And grow!
As this is a humor and satirical piece, I deliberately violated some rules of my Five Questions To Increase Curation Chance and Reading Fans.
But I checked my readability score with Hemingway Editor. I aimed for Grade 6 for this piece, and it happened.
As part of my creative non-fiction writing goals, I’d like to share a few stories that might warm our hearts with a bit of humor into weighty topics.
Sample Humorous Stories
Finally, After Burning Her House, Georgia Found Enlightenment
Hilarious Tips to Prevent Brain Atrophy and Keep the Gray Matter Giggling
8 Psychological Points I Had to Unlearn and Relearn the Opposite
Here is the map to my humorous stories.
Based on my writing experience and observations, I documented findings and strategies that might help you amplify your voice, engage your audience, and achieve your desired outcomes in your writing journey.
I publish my lifestyle, health, and well-being stories on EUPHORIA. My focus is on cellular, mitochondrial, metabolic, and mental health. Here is my collection of Insightful Life Lessons from Personal Stories.
You might join my six publications on Medium as a writer by sending a request via this link. 22K writers contribute to my publications. You might find more information about my professional background.
