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Abstract

Is it about them? Or is it about us? Is it about what they brought? Or what we were really looking for? Is it because they were our first? The ones who broke our hearts through the divorce gates?</p><p id="b4bd">We probably won’t know.</p><p id="bed9"><b>They say time heals.</b></p><p id="08a5"><i>It does.</i></p><p id="5f60">But at least for this girl, time needs a push. I’ve got to do something to forget about a guy who unexpectedly made himself unforgettable to me. I need to push past these memories.</p><p id="fb43"><i>I’m going to start by saying yes to a few dates.</i></p><p id="fcb3"><b>I’m going to close that door…</b></p><p id="fb68">That I don’t want to close.</p><div id="72f1" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/it-was-a-big-mistake-to-wait-this-long-to-date-after-divorce-fd5247c8cfa0"> <div> <div> <h2>It Was a Big Mistake to Wait This Long to Date After Divorce</h2> <div><h3>I was ridiculously nervous.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*EG4I8UBuzaLbQx_-g64TAw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="5684" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/is-it-shocking-im-seeing-a-guy-who-s-10-years-younger-than-me-66c6e452d319"> <div> <div> <h2>Is It Shocking I’m Seeing a Guy Who’s 10 Years Younger Than Me?</h2> <div><h3>Men do it all the time so why am I doubting myself?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*OPrRyR_A0GYBEyXmY_nT5g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="a9d0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-discovered-one-thing-about-myself-while-dating-post-divorce-0d93385ece2a"> <div> <div> <h2>I Discovered One Thing About Myself While Dating Post-Divorce</h2> <div><h3>I have some emotional baggage I need to deal with.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*aoOgLj5CiQ81ADoAY_sw1w.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="ed95" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/if-you-only-had-5-weeks-to-spend-with-someone-would-you-ebde31e72ca8"> <div> <div> <h2>If You Only Had 5 Weeks to Spend With Someone Would You?</h2> <div><h3>I decided one man made it worth the ride</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*PYsp3OBqFGOy94cK7oGJmg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="b4c2" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-guy-ive-been-seeing-is-moving-e937d9eb396e"> <div> <div> <h2>The Guy I’ve Been Seeing Is Moving</h2> <div><h3>Should I really be crying after only 5 weeks?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*odOihsyJy8h33TdBvCoxlw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="8b9b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-started-dating-and-realized-im-emotionally-unavailable-b80476e4981a"> <div> <div> <h2>I Started Dating and Realized I’m Emotionally Unavailable</h2> <div><h3>It was a surprise for this relationship columnist</h3></div>

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    <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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      <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-do-i-know-if-i-was-in-love-with-the-guy-i-was-dating-7877b31f2fda">
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            <h2>How Do I Know if I Was in Love With the Guy I Was Dating?</h2>
            <div><h3>People ask me if I think it was love or lust — here’s my answer</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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      <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-did-i-get-so-attached-to-the-man-i-was-dating-e1127bf5498f">
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            <h2>Why Did I Get So Attached to the Man I Was Dating?</h2>
            <div><h3>Making sense of dating, attachment, and my 5-week guy.</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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      <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-met-a-man-im-wildly-attracted-to-and-it-s-no-mystery-why-bb1be5ac58b8">
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            <h2>I Met a Man I’m Wildly Attracted to and It’s No Mystery Why</h2>
            <div><h3>We attract ourselves to the familiar</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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            <h2>I Kept Telling My Husband We Didn’t Have Real Problems</h2>
            <div><h3>This incredibly painful thing made it so clear that I divorced him</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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      <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-didnt-go-through-a-wild-child-dating-phase-after-divorce-73c1229d2f71">
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            <h2>I Didn’t Go Through A ‘Wild Child’ Dating Phase After Divorce</h2>
            <div><h3>But it’s not uncommon and I’m wondering if I missed something.</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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      <a href="https://colleenorme.medium.com/im-completely-over-my-ex-husband-but-some-women-aren-t-30768d753e37">
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            <h2>I’m Completely Over My Ex-husband but Some Women Aren’t</h2>
            <div><h3>Ringing in the Divorce New Year properly and letting go</h3></div>
            <div><p>colleenorme.medium.com</p></div>
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I’m Going Into the New Year Trying to Get Over a Man

Will going out with a few new guys finally do it?

“How do we get over them?” I ask.

I look at my friends.

They just shrug their shoulders.

The three of us are broken-hearted.

There’s me of course. And then there’s my friend, who like me fell way too hard too fast. To be fair, her outcome is not entirely certain but it’s leaning towards the same disheartened heart.

And then there’s our guy friend.

He’s getting over a nearly year-long relationship.

A woman he thought was ‘the one’ after divorce.

The three of us are limping along while our other friends are good-naturedly indulging us. We go out and pretend like we’re having fun and that we want to meet new people.

But we don’t.

“No, seriously,” I say. “We need to get over them. We need to stop thinking about them. We need to date other people.”

The words come out of my mouth.

But I don’t want to say them and they don’t want to hear them.

Because if we start dating other people…the door closes.

You know the door I’m talking about. The one that we somehow believe is going to magically re-open. If we start dating we close that door. The two guys and the girl we are trying to forget can no longer get back through them.

Because we’ve moved on.

That’s the crazy thing about a broken heart.

We don’t want to heal them.

At least not immediately because then it’s permanent. It’s completely over. Our head already knows this. Our heart isn’t ready. We embrace fantasy. We imagine all the scenarios where something dramatically shifts.

And it works out for us.

Right after my 5-week guy moved I got asked out three times in two weeks. Who knows why? Maybe I was giving off vulnerable broken-hearted vibes. But all I wanted was my West Coast guy back on the East Coast.

I wasn’t interested.

I wanted my 5-week guy, pool guy, and Bud Light guy back.

But he’s not coming back.

The best and stupidest thing I’ve ever done is enter into a supposedly fun and casual five-week relationship. I wouldn’t have missed that ride for the world.

But now I can’t get off of it.

I promised myself I would start over in January.

I would indulge my sorrow until then.

Fortunately, I’m in good company with my two friends just diving into the divorce dating pool too. All of us are now discovering that dating may be even more complicated at this age.

It should be simpler.

It should be more direct.

It should be less complex.

But it’s not.

Of course, it’s not.

It involves the heart.

And life is even messier the older we get.

I’m not sure how to get over people we let ourselves get way too attached to. It made sense how difficult it was to get over a decades-long spouse. There’s so much history, baggage, and damage.

But people we barely got to know…

But were inexplicably and wildly drawn to…

That’s more of a mystery.

Is it about them? Or is it about us? Is it about what they brought? Or what we were really looking for? Is it because they were our first? The ones who broke our hearts through the divorce gates?

We probably won’t know.

They say time heals.

It does.

But at least for this girl, time needs a push. I’ve got to do something to forget about a guy who unexpectedly made himself unforgettable to me. I need to push past these memories.