avatarColleen Sheehy Orme

Summary

The author reflects on the emotional impact of a brief but intense five-week relationship that ended when the man she was seeing moved away.

Abstract

The author, recently divorced and not actively seeking a relationship, unexpectedly finds herself emotionally involved with a man she met at a pool party. Over a span of five weeks, they develop a connection that feels both significant and unrealistic. Despite knowing the relationship was short-lived, the author is surprised by her own tears upon his departure, which are not born from pain or betrayal but from an unexpected emotional awakening and the recognition of mutual unreadiness for a deeper commitment. The tears represent a mix of happiness and sadness, signifying the bittersweet nature of their brief romance.

Opinions

  • The author acknowledges the seeming foolishness of becoming emotionally invested in such a brief relationship but also recognizes the depth of her feelings.
  • She views the tears shed over the end of the relationship as different from those of past heartbreaks, attributing them to an emotional awakening post-divorce rather than loss or disappointment.
  • The author admits to being an "emotionally unavailable girl" who was drawn to the man's initial absence and subsequent return, which played a role in the intensity of her emotions.
  • She reflects on the power of family origins and past experiences in shaping current romantic attractions and choices.
  • The author emphasizes that despite the brevity of their time together, the relationship was a significant emotional experience, worth the tears shed.
  • She maintains a positive outlook, seeing the situation as a half-full cup, and acknowledges the value of the emotional plunge she was not initially ready to take.

The Guy I’ve Been Seeing Is Moving

Should I really be crying after only 5 weeks?

Photo by MART PRODUCTION: On Pexels

I’m walking home and the tears fall, not the kind of violent ones that haunted me in divorce. The kind that descends gently. The ones that blanket your face from a better place.

Like the day you drop your child off at college.

You’re happy sad.

It’s the best and worst of times.

It’s the greatest adventure for someone you love but for that to happen you have to sacrifice something. The luxurious time you will no longer steal. You have to step aside to let better things in for them.

The only thing sillier than entering a five-week relationship is crying over it.

I knew what I was getting myself into.

I made a conscious choice.

Did I think I would cry?

Maybe and maybe not. I didn’t know how the five weeks would progress. I didn’t know how much I would let someone in. I didn’t know how attached I would get.

Ten years is a long time to shut yourself off to the thought of any man.

Not to mention what compounds that.

Technically, I didn’t open myself up. I didn’t go out looking to meet someone. I still wasn’t ready to date. I talked about it like a fun pastime. I wasn’t sure I had any intention of actually doing it.

Okay, I definitely wasn’t ready to do it.

Or I wouldn’t have initially panicked over a man who made me nervous.

But that rooftop pool moment happened.

And I said yes to a Bud Light.

A lot could have changed that day. I was up there hanging out while I waited to hear from my friend. I knew she might need me that day. She texted and thanked me and said she would accept my help another day.

I was leaving.

But it was hot so I jumped in the pool for a second.

And a guy offered me a beer.

Evidently, I’m a hard sell on the dating front but not so much on the cocktails.

Note to self for the future.

It was just a fun day. Nothing more and nothing less. A bunch of people who live in the same apartment building turned dorm. A lot of laughs and a few new friends.

Seems harmless, right?

I thought so.

But a late-night text said otherwise.

To be fair, I still wasn’t sure. Why not grab a meal? But why grab a meal? I’ve been financially wiped out in a divorce. But I’m still not a free dinner kind of woman.

That text ended up not leading anywhere.

It was kind of a relief.

No threat here. No guy I have to consider. No man I have to have an awkward date with. No man taking me into the scary dating world.

But I found myself looking for him.

It surprised me.

Maybe that’s what added to the attraction for this emotionally unavailable girl. A guy who asked me out and then went on a seemingly endless work trip.

It’s not rocket science.

I’m kind of the same girl I’ve always been.

The girl who attracted herself to the wrong thing. Despite spending more than a decade in the counseling and research of love and relationships I am driven by my past.

We all are.

The family of origin is a powerful thing.

When my five-week guy or pool guy or Bud Light guy returned…

I was caught off guard.

I walked into the bar/restaurant attached to my building with my dorm bestie. She talked me into going out for a little bit. I was tired and still in my gym clothes. I didn’t expect to see him even though I knew he got back in town a few days earlier.

When five-week guy or pool guy or Bud Light guy turned to look at me…

I was done.

The decision to have an unrealistic 5-week relationship was made at that moment.

A relationship is the wrong word. I’m not sure you can refer to a few weeks with someone like that. It’s really a romantic fling or a dalliance. It’s a moment in time.

Or as I said in another piece I wrote, “It’s something that feels so real but so unrealistic.”

It’s not worth crying over…

At the same time, it is.

But the cup is half full.

I promised myself I would never allow a man to steal my tears again. I wrote about it, “I Won’t Let a Man Claim My Valuable Tears Again.”

I stand by those words.

But these tears are different.

They aren’t born out of pain, disappointment, or disillusionment. There are no broken hearts or broken promises.

There isn’t a man who mistreated me.

There isn’t a guy who made the world feel unsafe.

There’s a good guy who offered a girl a Bud Light.

There’s nothing more and there’s nothing less. Two people decided five weeks would be enough for them. A man and a woman who both weren’t ready for anything more.

Except maybe a few unexpected emotions.

I woke up this morning and the tears were still falling.

Again, it surprised even me.

I know they have his name on them. At the same time, I try and convince myself they also belong to me. The emotional awakening after divorce. The one I resisted.

The one I wouldn’t allow.

The emotional plunge I wasn’t ready to take.

But evidently…

I’m a hard sell on the dating front but not so much on the cocktails.

Note to self for the future.

Love
Relationships
Dating
This Happened To Me
Self Improvement
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