If You Only Had 5 Weeks to Spend With Someone Would You?

I decided one man made it worth the ride

“Maybe we should stick to group activities.”

The sentiment in his text makes sense.

I’ve met a guy who is leaving soon.

It actually makes a lot more sense. Why start something that already comes with an expiration date? Why go out with someone when you know eventually one of you will be on the East Coast and the other on the West Coast?

It’s kind of a silly thing to do.

At least, now that I’m putting it down onscreen.

Why would you go on that ride?

When you already know it’s not going to end well.

It will be just long enough to let our hearts play but not give them away.

Absolutely, we should stick to group activities with our other friends. No alone time. Individual stuff will just open up who knows what. Why play with that angst?

Or should we? It’s a question I am asking myself.

I’m a deeply emotional writer.

I’m also pragmatic.

One college summer I went to visit my then-boyfriend at the Jersey Shore.

He was a lifeguard and at night he was a bouncer at a bar. I remember standing with two of my college roommates watching all the girls laughing and chatting with him.

He was that tall lanky basketball player in high school who filled out in college. He was tan, handsome, charming, funny, and in his element.

I only had one thought.

“Why would I do this to myself?”

I was 19 years old and clearly aware that these were the two professions young girls were drawn to. Especially, at the beach. It’s fairly universal.

“I think we should break up,” I say.

“What?” he says. “Why?”

“It’s the summer and I live in Virginia and you’re living at the Jersey Shore,” I say. “We won’t see each other until the fall. We should do our own thing until then.”

“Can I reach out to you?” he says.

“I guess,” I say. “Maybe in a month.”

“Look,” he says jokingly. “You have nothing to worry about. You know what they say about the summer romance…it fades with the tan.”

I self-protected.

It’s funny because during marriage counseling I was repeatedly told by our psychologist marriage counselor that I lacked self-protective instincts and boundaries.

I knew he was right.

But there’s something about “Colleen” before she commits to someone entirely.

That “Colleen” has a desire to avoid angst.

But if I give you my heart that goes out the window.

I no longer watch out for myself.

I thought I was being smart. Why sit at home and worry about a guy at the beach all summer? I was working two jobs to pay my way through college. During the week I worked for the Department of Defense and on Saturdays, I worked at a vet/kennel.

And I was taking a night class.

I’d wait until we returned to Scranton to see if the spark was still there.

It was freeing.

Me and my five-week guy decided on group activities. It was a good choice. It was rational. It was reasonable. It was smart.

But there was a problem.

I couldn’t fight my attraction to him.

I wasn’t only physically drawn to him.

I was emotionally drawn to him. I wanted to be around him. I thought he was fun and funny. I thought he had a big joy of life and he seemed kind. And there was something about him.

That part is still hard for me to articulate.

Maybe it’s just that mystery.

You know what they say, “Love is an enigma.”

It’s a puzzle. It’s hard to explain. I’m not saying I’m in love with my 5-week guy. That would be crazy talk. Way crazier than falling for a guy who was leaving. I’m just using that expression to explain whatever precedes a deeper dive.

The attraction, the inexplainable, the preoccupation, and the thrill.

The ambiguity that makes two people connect.

When thousands of others cross our paths.

A day after that group activities text we gave into alone time.

It didn’t seem worth it but at the same time, it did. It didn’t seem smart but at the same time, it did. It didn’t seem like a good idea but at the same time, it did.

You don’t get this feeling often at this age.

In that respect, it felt reckless not to give in to it.

Almost wasteful.

Like I wasn’t appreciating an offer of joy, albeit temporary.

It’s week four of my five-week guy. Our term date is approaching. I don’t regret a thing. I feel like we’ve lived a year in that short time. We’ve made the most of every single day.

With a few mixed messages in between.

It only made it more exciting.

We went in with our eyes wide open but maybe our hearts even wider.

We don’t have any expectations of one another. We knew what we were signing up for. Sometimes I wonder how I didn’t meet him sooner. We could have had fifteen months, not 5-weeks.

We were living next to each other.

But everything happens for a reason.

And in its own way, the timing was perfect. He was unexpected. He surprised me.

He took a heart that I had in hiding…

And showed it the light of day again.

We got to escape into something that feels so real but at the same time so unrealistic. Something that feels like it’s ending but a beginning for both of us, even if it’s two separate ones.

Like we were put in each other’s path for a reason.

Both of us guarded but temporarily unguarded.

Maybe because we knew it was five weeks. Maybe because we knew it was fleeting. Maybe because we knew it was an East Coast and West Coast thing.

Maybe because we knew this too shall pass.

It was just long enough to let our hearts play but not give them away.