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Abstract

sly, attachment is a deeper dive.It’s connected to our need for emotional intimacy and our needs.It’s filling something within us that’s craving validation, understanding, meaning, or comfort. It’s a man or woman with the ability to close those deep internal gaps within us.I’m taking a little bit less of a deeper dive into my attachment.Because I’m focused on how rapidly it occurred.And dating at this age is different.Some women are looking to be treated as they should have been while married, with respect and reverence. Some women are looking for the security of a man. Some women are looking for friendship and fun.Some women are looking for less important things like money and status.Some women are looking for a deeper emotional connection.I’m sure the woman who married my ex-husband had high hopes.He wined and dined her.He bought her expensive jewelry and took her on trips. I watched from the sidelines sadly amused. I knew once they married she would have the shock of her life.Every man and every woman is looking for something different.I know why I got so attached…To my 5-week guy, pool guy, and Bud Light guy.Don’t get me wrong. Everything we shared was pretty great. In the comprehensive department, I don’t have one complaint. I don’t have one criticism.And I don’t think you can’t have a super strong attachment…If the emotions don’t match the physical.But that isn’t what I miss the most.I miss my friend.I like who he is. I loved pretty much everything about him which I think is harder to do as you get older. I think it can be easier to find little things that might bother you.I love his enthusiasm for life.I love his smile and how he is rarely not smiling.I love his positivity despite working in a tougher part of life. I love how much fun he is. I love his sense of purpose and a bigger view of the world. I love that he’s kind. I love his sense of self and confidence.I especially love how he made me laugh.If you can do that, I’ll pretty much follow you anywhere.It’s my greatest weakness.I got attached to him.My 5–week guy, pool guy, and Bud Light guy.I didn’t get attached to strictly what he did for a living, how he treated me, a sense of security, or any other aspect of dating prompts. I wasn’t looking to the future for the emotional or the practical.I was living in the present.I was only in those 5-weeks.I got attached to a man who became my friend.That’s what I miss. I knew all of the other aspects of those 5-weeks would evaporate. I knew what I was signing up for. I knew there was an end before our beginning.But I let myself get attached.I did know we would ultimately be physically apart…But I somehow thought some aspect of my friend would survive the distance.A friend and an occasional laugh. A call once in a while or text bantering. A connection between two people who for weeks had to share nearly every single day.I miss my friend.I didn’t realize what I craving within me…my deeper gaps.I miss the emotional intimacy of a man who feels like my best friend.That was my deeper dive…my attachment.<div id="b4b0" class="link-block">

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Why Did I Get So Attached to the Man I Was Dating?

Making sense of dating, attachment, and my 5-week guy.

My friend just fell hard for a guy. It’s only been a few weeks but it got me thinking. She and I are different but alike. Neither of us was looking for an attachment.

We just went about it differently.

I swore off dating.

She casually dated just for fun.

Either way, I recognize the look in her eyes and the smile on her face.

I recognize the…

Unattachable woman suddenly becoming attached.

“I’m worried about her,” I say to another one of our friends.

“She’s crazy about him,” she says.

“I know,” I say. “I hope she doesn’t crash and burn like I did after my 5-week guy or pool guy or Bud Light guy or whatever I call him on a good day.”

“I know,” she says.

Our conversation gets me thinking about what makes us attach ourselves to some people so quickly. In the dating sense, I mean. What takes that initial attraction and amps it up?

I’m talking beyond the looks, personalities, and similarities.

Some things begin to suck us in.

I got too attached to my 5-week guy, pool guy, Bud Light guy.

How did that happen in such a short time? How is my friend two weeks in and so far gone? And she may not recover if it doesn’t work out. Why isn’t it just a normal dating pace?

Is it because…

He’s wining and dining her?

Is it because he’s fawning over her and treating her like gold?

Is it because I was a divorce virgin and my 5-week guy was my first date?

Is it because he made me feel safe for the first time in years?

Is the emotions that we know drive attachment?

Is it the physical?

In the weeks since my 5-week guy left, I’ve thought about it.

The nights when I can’t sleep.

When I wish I wasn’t thinking about him.

When I desperately want to put him behind me. When I don’t want to be distracted by him night or day. When I don’t want to try and remember every moment and every conversation.

When I want to remember how it felt when he was still here.

When I want to be willing to date someone new.

Was it how he treated me? Sure, but not entirely. Was it his career? Not going to lie it was sexy, selfless, and brave. Was it the physical? Let’s just say I might have wasted a few decades with a man before him.

Was it his guarded but occasionally unguarded heart?

I’m sure that emotional unavailability was attractive to me.

It probably drew me in a little more.

Was it his ability to live outside his own four walls? To notice how people around him were doing or feeling? Was it how comfortable I felt around him?

We are all drawn to different things.

And obviously, attachment is a deeper dive.

It’s connected to our need for emotional intimacy and our needs.

It’s filling something within us that’s craving validation, understanding, meaning, or comfort. It’s a man or woman with the ability to close those deep internal gaps within us.

I’m taking a little bit less of a deeper dive into my attachment.

Because I’m focused on how rapidly it occurred.

And dating at this age is different.

Some women are looking to be treated as they should have been while married, with respect and reverence. Some women are looking for the security of a man. Some women are looking for friendship and fun.

Some women are looking for less important things like money and status.

Some women are looking for a deeper emotional connection.

I’m sure the woman who married my ex-husband had high hopes.

He wined and dined her.

He bought her expensive jewelry and took her on trips. I watched from the sidelines sadly amused. I knew once they married she would have the shock of her life.

Every man and every woman is looking for something different.

I know why I got so attached…

To my 5-week guy, pool guy, and Bud Light guy.

Don’t get me wrong. Everything we shared was pretty great. In the comprehensive department, I don’t have one complaint. I don’t have one criticism.

And I don’t think you can’t have a super strong attachment…

If the emotions don’t match the physical.

But that isn’t what I miss the most.

I miss my friend.

I like who he is. I loved pretty much everything about him which I think is harder to do as you get older. I think it can be easier to find little things that might bother you.

I love his enthusiasm for life.

I love his smile and how he is rarely not smiling.

I love his positivity despite working in a tougher part of life. I love how much fun he is. I love his sense of purpose and a bigger view of the world. I love that he’s kind. I love his sense of self and confidence.

I especially love how he made me laugh.

If you can do that, I’ll pretty much follow you anywhere.

It’s my greatest weakness.

I got attached to him.

My 5–week guy, pool guy, and Bud Light guy.

I didn’t get attached to strictly what he did for a living, how he treated me, a sense of security, or any other aspect of dating prompts. I wasn’t looking to the future for the emotional or the practical.

I was living in the present.

I was only in those 5-weeks.

I got attached to a man who became my friend.

That’s what I miss. I knew all of the other aspects of those 5-weeks would evaporate. I knew what I was signing up for. I knew there was an end before our beginning.

But I let myself get attached.

I did know we would ultimately be physically apart…

But I somehow thought some aspect of my friend would survive the distance.

A friend and an occasional laugh. A call once in a while or text bantering. A connection between two people who for weeks had to share nearly every single day.

I miss my friend.

I didn’t realize what I craving within me…my deeper gaps.

I miss the emotional intimacy of a man who feels like my best friend.

That was my deeper dive…my attachment.

I Met a Man I’m Wildly Attracted to and It’s No Mystery Why

We attract ourselves to the familiar

medium.com

Divorce Made It Too Painful to Return to the Jersey Shore

But my ‘Bestie Sister’ was still waiting for me 10 years later

medium.com

The Guys I Went to High School with Did This During My Divorce

I shed tears at the contrast between them and the man I married.

medium.com

I Kept Telling My Husband We Didn’t Have Real Problems

This incredibly painful thing made it so clear that I divorced him

medium.com

I Didn’t Go Through A ‘Wild Child’ Dating Phase After Divorce

But it’s not uncommon and I’m wondering if I missed something.

medium.com

I’m Thinking I Might Need Another Blue Streak in My Hair

My new dating life may call for it

medium.com