POLITICS, ENTERTAINMENT
Fox News Duped By Humorist Who Claimed That Will Smith Works For al-Qaeda
Modern journalism at its finest
We knew we duped our readers through our realistic writing style, but we didn’t know we’d take it this far.
We woke up on April 22, 2022 to 10,000 Twitter notifications. We found this odd, as we were grateful to get even 10 notifications on Twitter. We wondered if one of our pieces went viral, like the Lauren Boebert piece that is still getting us 50–100 views per day. To our surprise, our Will Smith al-Qaeda piece was trending. We got a wide range of responses.
- raves from comics who loved our comparison
- hate from celebrities who are best friends with Will Smith
- support from some African-Americans and women, both who loved how we praised Kentanji Brown Jackson for being calm, cool, and collected
- hateful messages from some African-Americans, who thought our mockery was a disgusting attempt to slam black excellence
- praises from Republicans, who loved us attacking a black celebrity
- death threats from al-Qaeda, who hated being mentioned in the same breath as a Western Hollywood star
- disappointed glares from Jada Pinkett Smith
Despite the wide range of responses received, we didn’t notice anything unusual. We did notice a lot of offended folks telling us to go back to McDonalds and make them their chemically processed beef sandwiches. To those sensitive people, we’d gladly do so as long as they prepare the fries correctly.
However, there was one direct message that caught our eye. We opened it up to see a message from entertainment lawyer Leslie Abramson.
Dear Ms. Salvaje,
Please find attached a lawsuit that I filed on behalf of my client, Will Smith.
The reason for this lawsuit is defamation to my client. On April 1st, 2022, Fox News host Tucker Carlson broadcasted your piece on his news. Carlson used your provocative image of Will Smith photoshopped on former al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri to convince his followers that Hollywood liberals are nothing more than terrorists.
We understand that Carlson broadcasted this on April Fool’s day, and it is not meant to be taken seriously. That being said, this didn’t stop his supporters from viewing this as truth. My client’s mental health suffered following an onslaught of hate mail and death threats after airing of this episode. My client already apologized for his mistake, and wishes to move on from the Oscar slap. Your piece will affect his future income and mental state.
We seek payment/damages for the emotional trauma my client has to suffer following your fake news. We also attached a cease and desist letter to prevent you from writing any pieces that are related to my client.
We were shocked that people thought our piece on Will Smith was real. Yes, we are a legit news organization
That being said, we will admit that our piece on Will Smith was entirely fictional. Does anyone read disclaimers at the bottom anymore?
Furthermore, we thought our piece was obviously satire. We wrote the it to the style of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air rap! This was parody art! Are lawyers next going to sue Weird Al Yankovic for fat shaming in his parody of Michael Jackson’s Bad?
We reached out to Fox News host Tucker Carlson to state he fell for our trolling. Carlson was shocked.
“What do you mean? You’re a liberal, aren’t you? The liberals have always been right! Does this mean you lied to me???”
We replied.
“No Carlson, we do not align with any political party. But our views tend to be more liberal because we actually give a shit about humanity.
“Furthermore, we didn’t deceive you at all. We clearly stated that the piece was fake. Did you even bother to read the full article?”
Carlson starred at us.
“Hell no I didn’t! Why would I? I see someone portraying a Hollywood liberal as a terrorist, I share it! My fanbase wants every reason to attack a black man. They want to see African-Americans fail.
“I don’t care if the piece is real. Just as long as I can misconstrue it to align with my viewer’s beliefs. It’s what former President Trump did when he shared a Babylon Bee article. It was obviously fake, but Trump didn’t care. He knew his readers wouldn’t read it!”
We told Carlson that because of his carelessness, we are sued by Smith. We ordered Carlson to go back on air and apologize for spreading misinformation. Carlson smirked.
“Really? You want ME to apologize for spreading fake news? That’s like telling a gynecologist to apologize for touching a vagina. Why on earth would you tell us both to apologize for how we make a living?
“Furthermore, you don’t even have a case! Fox News and I won a defamation lawsuit against me. Someone sued me for misinformation, and we countered that we don’t state actual facts about the topics discussed. We engage in exaggeration and non-literal commentary. If our viewers treat our words as gospel, that is their fault. Not our problem that they didn’t do their homework.
“We are NOT a news organization. We are a business that tells people what they want to hear. We cater to the untapped white nationalism market. Our hate speech is meant to make our fascist viewers feel good!”
We were furious at Carlson for using our mockery for anti-civil rights propaganda. Regardless, the law does allows Carlson’s right of free speech, just as long as his employee states that he’s spewing bullshit. The only way Carlson would report facts is if he was no longer profiting of his bullshit.
We should no longer go after Carlson, but rather after the brain-dead supporters who keep him on air. We followed up with Abramson with a response.
Dear Ms. Abramson,
We are sad that Will Smith was traumatized by our fake news. Our goal wasn’t to attack him as a whole. Our goal was to attack your client’s mistake of assaulting a colleague. Your client Smith is a talented actor who brought nothing but laughs and joy to all his viewers and supporters. Nevertheless, we are mad that he spent years building a perfect brand, only to throw it away in 5 minutes.
As comedians, we stand by Chris Rock. Comedians are paid to make jokes, however good or bad they are. Rock’s G.I. Jane joke wasn’t one of his witty retorts, and it would have been easily forgotten had your client not brought attention to it via a slap.
If Smith can get easily triggered by a dumb joke, imagine how easy it is to get him to do violent acts. This is no different than how al-Qaeda behaves. French cartoonists draw their prophet in cartoon form, which prompted Islamic terrorists to bomb where they worked and lived. Is violence really the answer for your client to address his marital problems?
This was the comparison we hoped to achieve in our parody. We have no intention of taking it down, as it is a beautiful work of art. Furthermore, you really have no case. Tucker Carlson successfully argued in court that sane people know not to take him seriously. It’s up to the viewer to decide what is truth or what is false. Since we already stated that our savage attack on your client is fictional, we can reuse Carlson’s argument here.
However, we would like to help you and your client in other ways. We did ask Carlson politely to stop misusing our piece as anti-civil rights propaganda, and he refused. Like the late Pat Tillman, we don’t appreciate being misused for conservative propaganda. Since Carlson refused, we’ll instead threaten him with violent means. Yes, we can do so. We have ties with the Yakuza.
Furthermore, we understand your client has a big social media presence. We would love to work with him to give Fox News a taste of their own medicine. Here is a list of scathing pieces we wrote about the Republican party. Some are real. Some are fake. Feel free to promote those heavily. Within next week, we expect Carlson’s supporters to attack him for sexually assaulting an M&M.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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