8 Simple Ways to Tell a Narcissist and Their New Source of Supply Are Having Problems

You’re hoping it wasn’t just you, right?

I so feel this question.

I remember being so angry. I didn’t want another person to be deceived, to be used, to end up hurt and betrayed like I had been. I wanted others to see the truth, to run while they could, to avoid that certain pain. I also wanted to be sure it wasn’t just me.

Eventually I realized it took me decades to see the truth — to get really clear. And it will take others weeks, months, years, decades to see the truth, too. I can’t speed it up for them. They will only learn by experience.

Until then, the narcissist’s new source of supply will think they’re in an awesome new relationship. Only you will know the truth. They started having problems the moment they met.

Here are 8 simple ways to tell there is trouble in paradise

#1 One of them is a narcissist

A relationship with a narcissist has problems from the outset. The new source of supply may just not see it clearly yet.

A narcissist is not capable of an emotionally healthy relationship.

#2 The narcissist and new source of supply have communicated in some form, one or more times

Whether this communication is through long, late-night online chats, in-person dating, text, or wild, passionate sex without words, the narcissist has already deceived the new source of supply.

The narcissist’s love bombing has created the lens, a cloudy, warped lens, for how the new source of supply sees them.

This is a major problem.

#3 The narcissist is triangulating

The narcissist is creating relationship difficulties for their new source of supply with their families, friends, neighbors, co-workers, or anyone who will listen.

The new source of supply won’t know they’ve been triangulated until long after the break-up, if ever, but when you see it happening, you know there are problems.

#4 The narcissist is devaluing their new source of supply to you or others

The narcissist complains about their new partner’s

• Insecurity
• Spending
• Choice of restaurants
• Driving
• Financial stability
• Decision-making

Once the narcissist no longer idealizes their new partner, there are significant relationship problems.

#5 The narcissist’s social media posts change

During that idealization phase, the narcissist posts frequent, romantic pics with their new partner. They love and comment on everything their new partner posts.

Once the narcissist shifts from idealization to devaluation, their social media behavior changes, too.

They start to post more pics out with friends — pics that may make it seem they are single. They stop posting romantic pics with their new partner and they stop loving and commenting on all their posts. They may start loving and commenting on other people’s posts.

They start getting supply elsewhere.

#6 The narcissist hoovers you

When the narcissist starts hoovering you, their old source of supply, you know their new relationship has problems.

#7 The narcissist’s new source of supply is looking stressed, anxious, overwhelmed

At this point, the new source of supply likely doesn’t know the relationship is toxic. They are trying and trying to make things work to no avail.

You’ll see it in them. You’ve been there.

#8 The narcissist’s new source of supply reaches out to you for advice

Once the narcissist’s new partner reaches out to you, their former partner, for advice about the relationship, you know things have gone from bad to worse.

Final Thoughts

Look, whether you see it or not, the narcissist will have problems with EVERY new source of supply. It’s inevitable.

Hear me. It wasn’t you.

And until the new source of supply asks for your advice, there’s nothing you can do to open their eyes.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Recommended for you: How Will I Know I Have Completely Healed from Narcissistic Abuse? and Does a Narcissist Look for You in Their New Supply?

Want help with this? If you’re ready to finally and completely heal, have I got a group program for you! (third party link to my website).