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Abstract

uccess? By old standards, possibly.</p><p id="dcc4">But isn’t there more to life and relationship?</p><ul><li>Is it possible to get to know each other deeply? No.</li><li>Is it possible to feel truly seen and heard? No.</li><li>Is it possible to experience unselfish love? No.</li><li>Is it possible to create positive change in the relationship through communication? No.</li><li>Is it possible to trust unconditionally? No.</li><li>Is it possible to freely choose anything without being manipulated? No.</li><li>Is it possible to become really clear about who you are? No.</li><li>Is it possible from the support of the relationship to BECOME who you were created to be? No.</li></ul><h2 id="c71f">Your mind pushes back. Surely SOMEONE has been able to have a functional relationship with one.</h2><p id="e095">This also depends on how you define functional.</p><p id="abd1">To stay in a relationship with a narcissist, you must</p><ul><li>Accept what you know to be false as true</li><li>Confirm these known falsehoods (aka lies) to the world</li><li>Be willing to not set or enforce any healthy boundaries</li><li>Suppress your emotions, especially anger and sadness</li><li>Isolate yourself from family and friends</li><li>Keep your struggles entirely to yourself</li><li>Accept serial infidelity, physical or emotional</li><li>Accept that your friends, family, neighbors, and colleagues will be turned against you</li><li>Not express any needs, wants, desires, or dreams</li><li>Be willing to be undermined and sabotaged for things that are important to you</li><li>Accept having birthdays, holidays, and other important days sabotaged</li><li>Act appreciative for gifts that devalue you</li><li>Accept frequent put-downs and corrections</li><li>Be unheard in all communications</li><li>Accept becoming increasingly confused about your reality</li><li>Embrace your steadily declining self-esteem, self-confidence, and health</li></ul><h2 id="9a95">For awhile anyone can do the wrong thing for the wrong reason</h2><p id="17e3">Some people are willing to accept the above for a period of time, typically because they are also getting s

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omething out of the relationship — financial security, status, education, or connections.</p><p id="ecfb">Some accept the above because the pain of leaving seems less than the pain of staying.</p><p id="f548">At some point, the opportunity cost becomes too high and it’s no longer an even exchange.</p><p id="897f">At that point, they realize it was never worth it.</p><p id="dfda"><b><i>Disclaimer: </i></b><i>This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.</i></p><p id="2066"><b>Dr Melissa Kalt, MD</b> is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, <a href="http://narclesslife.com/">3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist</a> and find information on working with her on <a href="https://melissakaltmd.com/">her website</a>.</p><p id="2a69">Recommended for you: <a href="https://readmedium.com/will-a-covert-narcissist-become-more-abusive-over-time-489ac38afcea">Will a Covert Narcissist Become More Abusive Over Time?</a> and <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-do-covert-narcissists-abuse-their-partners-aa3f31c3950a">How Do Covert Narcissists Abuse Their Partners?</a></p><div id="edef" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@MelissaKalt/membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Melissa Kalt, MD</h2> <div><h3>As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*phNM57NrLio8gMeS)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Is It Possible to Have a Successful Relationship with a Narcissist?

Has anyone been able to have a functional relationship with one?

I know the pain of this question.

You’ve fallen in love — with a narcissist.

The trauma bond has been forged in fire.

Maybe you knew they were a narcissist before you dove in and believed they could change. No one could blame you if you did — Hollywood movies have told you it’s possible.

Maybe you were love bombed so hard and fast and fell in love so quickly that you were in over your head before you realized they weren’t perfect.

In either case, you find yourself struggling with the relationship as it is. Before you argue, if you aren’t struggling, you wouldn’t ask this question.

You’ve been doing research, trying to understand what you’re experiencing. You’ve read a lot about narcissists.

You’re hoping it’s not true. You are in love. Maybe you have children, property, or a business together. You want the relationship to succeed.

You wonder — is it possible to have a successful relationship with a narcissist?

This entirely depends on your definition of success.

Is it possible to stay married for decades? Yes.
Is it possible to raise children together? Yes.
Is it possible to partner in business? Yes.
Is it possible to retire wealthy? Yes.

While those things are possible, they are not a given. They are not even probable.

More importantly, do those things in any way define success? By old standards, possibly.

But isn’t there more to life and relationship?

Is it possible to get to know each other deeply? No.
Is it possible to feel truly seen and heard? No.
Is it possible to experience unselfish love? No.
Is it possible to create positive change in the relationship through communication? No.
Is it possible to trust unconditionally? No.
Is it possible to freely choose anything without being manipulated? No.
Is it possible to become really clear about who you are? No.
Is it possible from the support of the relationship to BECOME who you were created to be? No.

Your mind pushes back. Surely SOMEONE has been able to have a functional relationship with one.

This also depends on how you define functional.

To stay in a relationship with a narcissist, you must

Accept what you know to be false as true
Confirm these known falsehoods (aka lies) to the world
Be willing to not set or enforce any healthy boundaries
Suppress your emotions, especially anger and sadness
Isolate yourself from family and friends
Keep your struggles entirely to yourself
Accept serial infidelity, physical or emotional
Accept that your friends, family, neighbors, and colleagues will be turned against you
Not express any needs, wants, desires, or dreams
Be willing to be undermined and sabotaged for things that are important to you
Accept having birthdays, holidays, and other important days sabotaged
Act appreciative for gifts that devalue you
Accept frequent put-downs and corrections
Be unheard in all communications
Accept becoming increasingly confused about your reality
Embrace your steadily declining self-esteem, self-confidence, and health

For awhile anyone can do the wrong thing for the wrong reason

Some people are willing to accept the above for a period of time, typically because they are also getting something out of the relationship — financial security, status, education, or connections.

Some accept the above because the pain of leaving seems less than the pain of staying.

At some point, the opportunity cost becomes too high and it’s no longer an even exchange.

At that point, they realize it was never worth it.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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