Does Every Narcissist Love Bomb?

My partner isn’t very romantic. Maybe they’re not a narcissist?

For anyone with a current trauma bond, this is the great hope.

Maybe they’re not a narcissist.

Why? Because by now you know that a narcissist will not change, and the relationship will only grow more abusive over time.

You don’t want to continue the relationship as is (which is why you’re researching narcissistic abuse and love bombing), and you don’t want to leave someone you love. You’re looking for a reason to stay.

Every narcissist love bombs AND love bombing is not what you think.

The essence of love bombing

Often, people think of love bombing as flowers, thinking of you texts, sweet gestures, gifts, and full on romance novel level romance.

While narcissists do sometimes use romantic gestures while love bombing, these gestures do not define love bombing.

Love bombing, simply put, is the action the narcissist takes to create the lens for how you see them. The narcissist may want you to see them as

• Strong
• Generous
• Successful
• Wealthy
• Smart
• Funny
• Kind
• Patient
• Compassionate
• Vulnerable
• And anything else that makes them a perfect match

More than anything, they want you to see them as a total catch. They want you to feel like you’re lucky to be with them.

What might this look like?

The narcissist wants you to see them as strong

• They are rude to or belittle wait staff, valets, even employees
• They tell you stories of how they stole a promotion, poached a client, or intimidated a competitor.
• They talk about winning in sports, kicking a mugger’s ass, or stepping in to protect a woman in a bar.

The narcissist wants you to see them as smart

• They state that others are jealous of them because they’re too smart.
• They speak with confidence, quoting studies, reports, or other data that may or may not have any relevance, but you won’t dispute it.
• They put down other people either to their face or behind their back.

The narcissist wants you to see them as wealthy

• They wear a Rolex, carry an Yves Saint Laurent bag, or wear Jimmy Choo shoes (though they may be a knock-off)
• They pick you up in a fancy car or take you out on a yacht (though they may have rented both)
• They take you to their luxury home and refer to it as modest

The narcissist wants you to see them as generous

• They talk about how they help their elderly mother, how they mentor junior people in their company, or how they snowblow the elderly neighbors walk
• They invite you to volunteer with them, to attend fundraisers (where they spend a lot of money in the live and silent auctions), and leave out donor honor rolls for you to discover on your own.

The narcissist wants you to see them as kind

• They comfort you when you’re down (though they often create a scenario or make a comment that results in you feeling down)
• They help friends move, pick them up at the airport, and emotionally support a friend in need
• They offer to pick up your kids, your dry cleaning, or dinner

The narcissist wants you to see them as vulnerable

• They share deep, dark memories that they’ve never shared with anyone (so they say)
• They tell you stories to evoke sympathy — their coworker got the promotion, their brother gets all the attention, their car broke down again
• They tell you never to leave them because it would break their heart

While most of these statements and actions aren’t considered romantic, they are classic love bombing, carefully crafted to create and reinforce your vision of the narcissist as their idealized self.

This strategy ensures you’ll make excuses for them and blame yourself when they start devaluing you.

You’ll never want to leave — which brings us full circle.

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

Recommended for you: How Long Is the Love Bombing Stage with a Narcissist? and Are Narcissists Patient When Targeting Their Victims?

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