Summary

Narcissists continuously seek new victims to ensure a steady supply of admiration and validation to maintain their self-image and mitigate their subconscious fears.

Abstract

The article explains that narcissists engage in grooming multiple victims to satisfy their need for narcissistic supply and to protect their false self-image. This behavior is driven by a fear of losing their source of supply and the potential exposure of their true self. The narcissist employs tactics such as love bombing, which is not limited to romantic interests but extends to potential sources of supply and 'flying monkeys'—individuals who support the narcissist's narrative. The article emphasizes that awareness of these behaviors is crucial for victims to recognize the futility of seeking trust or exclusivity in a relationship with a narcissist. It encourages self-care and the realization that ending the abusive relationship is essential for personal well-being.

Opinions

Narcissists are portrayed as inherently driven by the need for narcissistic supply and the preservation of their false persona, which they achieve by grooming multiple victims.
The article suggests that love bombing is a strategic tool used by narcissists to create a favorable impression and secure loyalty from potential sources of supply and 'flying monkeys'.
It is implied that individuals involved with narcissists should not trust them or expect to be their sole source of supply.
The author advises that victims of narcissistic abuse should prioritize their own well-being and consider ending the relationship, as staying in it only perpetuates the cycle of abuse.
The article conveys a sense of urgency for victims to recognize the manipulative nature of their relationship and to take action to protect themselves.
It is suggested that readers should download a guide and consider working with the author, Dr. Melissa Kalt, MD, for further assistance in dealing with narcissistic abuse.

How Can You Tell if a Narcissist is Grooming Another Victim?

More importantly, why do you care?

Man and woman success, Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

Let me give it to you straight. Narcissists are always grooming another victim — or rather, victims — plural.

Only, the narcissist doesn’t consider it grooming. Much of their behavior is driven by subconscious fear. They are just doing what comes naturally.

Narcissists are driven by two subconscious needs

Narcissistic supply
Preserving their false version of reality

So why are they grooming other victims when they have you?

The narcissist is subconsciously afraid of losing the narcissistic supply you provide and will secure other sources.

The narcissist is subconsciously afraid of the death of their false persona, the idealized image of themselves they so desperately show the world. They will do anything to prevent that from happening.

To manage these needs, the narcissist will groom several sources of backup narcissistic supply and groom flying monkeys to support their false narrative. In many cases, the flying monkeys also provide narcissistic supply.

Grooming backup narcissistic supply might look something like this,

Bringing the potential supply coffee each morning at work
Asking for relationship advice, making it well known there is trouble with you
Complimenting their appearance, their work, their skill
Saying something slightly flirty to create sexual tension — seemingly innocently
Inviting them for certain activities — my girlfriend doesn’t like skiing, my husband doesn’t like jazz

Remember, love bombing isn’t specific to romance. It’s not all roses, gifts, and sweet nothings in your ear.

The narcissist love bombs potential sources of supply AND flying monkeys.

Love bombing creates the lens for how the potential supply or flying monkey sees the narcissist.

Love bombing leaves that person with the sense that…

He’s a really good listener
She really cares about people
He always lends a helping hand
I love how humble she is, even though she’s the boss
He works so hard
She is really dedicated to serving others
He is really present with me
She’s a hugger, like me
I like how he remembers even the little things I mentioned months ago
I like how she makes me feel like I’m the only one in the room
He’s so devoted to his wife. She’s a lucky woman
She’s such a good mom. Her kids are so lucky
He’s so generous
She’s so easy to talk to

Narcissists do this on autopilot. It’s just their way of being. They are subconsciously motivated to be sure they have an endless source of narcissistic supply and preserve or enhance their persona.

You know they do it. Why do you care?

Is it because you want to know if you can trust them?

You can’t or you wouldn’t be asking this question. You know this is true. Let it sink in.

Is it because you’re desperately hoping to be the narcissist’s primary and only supply forever?

Sadly, that’s just not going to happen. You know it. I know it. Ending your abuse is the single best thing you can do for yourself. You hold all the cards.

Is it because you want a warning before the next discard?

Take a long hard look at why you are still in this relationship. Why do you allow yourself to be treated this way? When will you say ENOUGH? Those are much more fruitful questions.

When you start to care about yourself more, life will change for the better. Why not make it today?

Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.

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