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Abstract

ou’re so proud you found a five-letter word, why don’t you print the screenshot, frame it, and hang it above your toilet?</p><h1 id="ccfb">#6— People who normalize tweeting</h1><p id="3818">Seriously? Some Twitter users (over)use the hashtag #normalizetweeting, trying to convince me that tweeting uninteresting stuff every day is something I should be looking forward to.</p><p id="fe20">NO, thank you very much.</p><figure id="1aaa"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*IYMzdorris3oV7rpJgdx5Q.png"><figcaption>Source: <a href="https://twitter.com/search?q=%23normalizetweeting&src=typed_query">Twitter</a> by Author and <a href="undefined">Liam</a></figcaption></figure><h1 id="33d1">#7— People who share quotes all the time</h1><p id="5578">You all know this quote:</p><figure id="75e3"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*HMDoSnCYsPZq7wEuLnfaPA.png"><figcaption>Screenshot of Twitter by Author and <a href="undefined">Monika</a>.</figcaption></figure><p id="b786">Appalled by the success of Twitter, Sun Tzu, later published an updated version:</p><blockquote id="d741"><p>“If you have nothing better to tweet than a quote from someone famous, consider not touching your keyboard today.” Sun Tzu — The Art of STFU (he was upset)</p></blockquote><h1 id="d622">#8 — Follow for follow trains</h1><p id="2334">It has something to do with our reptilian brain.</p><p id="e165">We see a number and want to make it bigger. It’s a shame we can’t use our cortex and understand that people following us only because we follow them back are NOT GOING TO READ OUR CONTENT. Ever.</p><p id="f06f">The comment is also valid for the other social media platform called LARGE.</p><h1 id="a45c">#9 — WritersLift</h1><p id="5fd9">It’s like follow 4 follow trains but only for writers. Doesn’t make any more sense. Maybe less.</p><figure id="85f7"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*qAxqKON1D3w2Q30-_b7ksQ.png"><figcaption>Source: Twitter, sort of.</figcaption></figure><h1 id="55a9">#10 — Monday productivity porn</h1><p id="206b">Wake up at 5 AM. Switch off your phone. Pretend you don’t have kids. Drink coffee. Or whisky. Go for a three hours half-marathon meditation. WIN.</p><p id="dd23">=> I call BS.</p><p id="1f92">Let me stop here; it’s not good for my blood pressure. Don’t forget to <a href="https://twitter.com/Smillew_Rahcuef">follow me on Twitter</a> for more reasons why I hate Twitter.</p><h1 id="43e5">5 Bonus reasons I was too lazy to rant about</h1><ul><li>Politics</li><li>Fake news</li><li>Fake accounts</li><li>Bots</li><li>My mom follows me on Twitter</li></ul><p id="505c"><i>Bonus articles below were written by the kind souls who let me use their Twitter profile pictures in the screenshots above.</i></p><div id="f550" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-i-have-sex-with-frozen-chickens-before-eating-dinner-lolas-version-fd6041059008"> <div>

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            <div><h3>~ It’s fun for my whole family. Trust! ~</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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      <a href="https://readmedium.com/writing-about-your-earnings-is-like-getting-your-dick-out-in-public-d0b5bcf2b84e">
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            <h2>Writing About Your Earnings is Like Getting Your Dick Out in Public</h2>
            <div><h3>Nobody wants to see it.</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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      <a href="https://readmedium.com/im-that-asshole-who-misses-the-first-letters-when-i-highlight-your-article-91cd36cae57c">
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            <h2>I’m That Asshole Who Misses the First Letters When I Highlight Your Article</h2>
            <div><h3>I also clap less than 50 times</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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            <h2>David Perlmutter Is the Top Highlighter on Medium</h2>
            <div><h3>All Hail The King</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
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10 Reasons Why I Hate Twitter

With screenshots inside

Twitter is an addictive social media platform created in 2007; or at some other date in the past — who cares?

As anyone who spent more than 2 minutes on the bird app knows, there are more reasons to hate it than there are bitcoins in the world. For brevity, I limited your reading pleasure to the top 10.

#1 — People who tweet about making money on Twitter

It’s like people who write about making money on the other social media platform called LARGE.

If you think about it for more than two minutes, you understand that the quickest and borderline-ethical way to make money on LARGE is to sell courses about making money on LARGE.

#2 — People who photoshop stuff and pretend their tweets are true

I would never do that. It’s so unethical.

Screenshot by Author and Reuben. Laco was too lazy to help.

#3 — People who drop NFTs

I wonder when the NFTs will stop being a total scam and start helping the artists. In the meantime, Twitter is full of people NFTing some ugly pixelized drawings my cat could make while shitting in its litterbox.

#4— People who don’t follow me

Check out my most popular tweet:

and tell me why so many people liked the tweets (more than 200!!) but didn’t follow me. It doesn’t make any sense. I would follow anyone writing such witty tweets.

Wouldn’t you?

#5 —People who share their Wordle results

I’m biased because I hate Wordle, but still, WTF? If you’re so proud you found a five-letter word, why don’t you print the screenshot, frame it, and hang it above your toilet?

#6— People who normalize tweeting

Seriously? Some Twitter users (over)use the hashtag #normalizetweeting, trying to convince me that tweeting uninteresting stuff every day is something I should be looking forward to.

NO, thank you very much.

#7— People who share quotes all the time

You all know this quote:

Screenshot of Twitter by Author and Monika.

Appalled by the success of Twitter, Sun Tzu, later published an updated version:

“If you have nothing better to tweet than a quote from someone famous, consider not touching your keyboard today.” Sun Tzu — The Art of STFU (he was upset)

#8 — Follow for follow trains

It has something to do with our reptilian brain.

We see a number and want to make it bigger. It’s a shame we can’t use our cortex and understand that people following us only because we follow them back are NOT GOING TO READ OUR CONTENT. Ever.

The comment is also valid for the other social media platform called LARGE.

#9 — WritersLift

It’s like follow 4 follow trains but only for writers. Doesn’t make any more sense. Maybe less.

#10 — Monday productivity porn

Wake up at 5 AM. Switch off your phone. Pretend you don’t have kids. Drink coffee. Or whisky. Go for a three hours half-marathon meditation. WIN.

=> I call BS.

Let me stop here; it’s not good for my blood pressure. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter for more reasons why I hate Twitter.

5 Bonus reasons I was too lazy to rant about

Politics
Fake news
Fake accounts
Bots
My mom follows me on Twitter

Bonus articles below were written by the kind souls who let me use their Twitter profile pictures in the screenshots above.