avatarKristen Stark

Summary

David Perlmutter is recognized as the most adept and swift highlighter on Medium, often outpacing others to highlight the most compelling parts of stories.

Abstract

The article celebrates David Perlmutter's prowess as the top highlighter on Medium, a title he has earned through his quick and precise selection of notable lines in stories before others have the chance. The author recounts a personal anecdote of attempting to outpace Perlmutter in highlighting a newly published piece but ultimately losing to Perlmutter's speed and efficiency. The article humorously acknowledges Perlmutter's skill as unmatchable by mere mortals and suggests that others should accept their secondary status and highlight over his selections. The piece also tags various Medium users who appreciate Perlmutter's engagement with their work and invites others to join this fan club.

Opinions

  • The author admires David Perlmutter's highlighting skills on Medium, considering him the actual top highlighter.
  • Perlmutter is described as being quick and stealthy, often highlighting the best parts of a story before others can.
  • The author experienced a moment of anticipated victory when they thought they had highlighted a story before Perlmutter, only to be outdone by a Medium glitch that delayed their action.
  • The article humorously portrays Perlmutter as an unbeatable figure in the realm of highlighting, akin to The Terminator.
  • There is a sense of playful resignation among other users, accepting that they cannot compete with Perlmutter and should be content with highlighting over his selections.
  • The author seeks to create a sense of community among those who recognize and value Perlmutter's contributions to their stories on Medium.
  • The author ensures to get Perlmutter's permission before publishing the article to avoid appearing creepy, hinting at a friendly relationship between them.

David Perlmutter Is the Top Highlighter on Medium

All Hail The King

Young David, preparing to highlight his Highlights Magazine. Photo by R. Fera from Pexels. Edited on Canva.

Have you ever gone to highlight a funny or moving line in a story on Medium, only to find you’d been beaten? Was the person who beat you David Perlmutter?

I am betting it was.

I recently wrote “I Am a Top Highlighter on Medium” as a joke. Even while writing it, I thought to myself, “David is the ACTUAL Top Highlighter.”

It’s time he gets the credit he deserves. He is quick and stealthy, highlighting the best lines and takeaways before the rest of us chumps can even reach the end of the story.

Last week, I thought I had him beat. I was reading this gem from humor master Smillew Rahcuef which had JUST been published. There were no claps, comments, or highlights in sight yet.

I thought, “I’ve got him. I am finally going to beat David.” The adrenaline pumped through me as I steadied my mouse and prepared to highlight.

Victory was within reach!

But there was a problem — the usual click/drag move didn’t work. It was a glitch! I started to panic.

I was reading the story on Smillew’s page and Medium made me open the story in the publication before I could highlight. That 5 seconds COST ME THE GAME. Once the story loaded in The Bad Influence, David was already there. He had highlighted all of the best parts.

I left my stupid comment, clapped, and closed out of the story. I sunk in my chair, defeated.

To anyone else who has experienced this feeling of loss, I hope you feel less alone after reading this. David can’t be beaten. He’s like The Terminator, scanning stories for gold at breakneck speed. He will never be matched by us mortals.

Accept your status as inferior and just highlight over his highlights. Grab your bowl, because second-hand highlighting slops are all you’re going to get, you Oliver Twist bastards.

Now that we’ve accepted our place as peons, let’s all bow before the true High King of Highlighting, David!

Tagging some folks who seem to appreciate David’s highlighting and attention to their stories.

Michael Burg, MD (AKA Medium Michael Burg), BichoDoMato, Terry Trueman, Raine Lore, Frank T Bird, Omy, Smillew Rahcuef, Smillew Rahcuef, Smillew Rahcuef, Smillew Rahcuef, Krystal Mossbarger, Preeti Ramachandran, Preeti Ramachandran, Preeti Ramachandran, Kristina God, Scott Younkin, Matthew Thiele, Tracey Folly, J Oliver Dempsey, William J Spirdione, Janet Meisel, Yana Bostongirl, Carol Lennox

If you’d like to be included in this fan club of sorts, just let me know in the comments and I’ll add you.

Note: I got David’s permission before publishing this story so I wouldn’t seem creepy. (I AM creepy, I just don’t want to SEEM creepy, ya dig?)

Humor
Medium
Appreciation
Truth
Writing
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