avatarKristen Stark

Summary

An individual humorously recounts their journey to becoming a top highlighter on Medium, emphasizing their dedication to highlighting virtually every element of text, including the mundane.

Abstract

The author of the content shares a personal anecdote of achieving the status of a top highlighter on Medium. This achievement is attributed to an unconventional and enthusiastic approach to highlighting, where no word is too insignificant to be highlighted. The author prides themselves on their ability to highlight entire articles, random words, and even the functional elements of a text, such as captions and separators. The piece is satirical, as the author exaggerates their highlighting habits, suggesting they would highlight the screen with a physical highlighter and engage in "duels" with other highlighters. The author encourages others to follow in their footsteps, likening the dedication to highlighting to the perseverance of Rocky Balboa, and ultimately directs readers to an article about the actual top highlighter on Medium.

Opinions

  • The author values every word in an article, likening them to players on a Little League team, where even seemingly insignificant words contribute to the overall message.
  • There is a playful critique of the highlighting feature on Medium, with the author taking the functionality to an extreme as a form of satire.
  • The author humorously suggests that highlighting can be a competitive and theatrical activity, imagining themselves in a duel with other highlighters.
  • The piece implies that the act of highlighting can be transformative, giving new life to texts and images through the "iridescent glow" of a highlighter.
  • The author sees themselves as a role model in the art of highlighting, offering advice to aspiring top highlighters to practice and persist in their craft.

SATIRE

I am a Top Highlighter on Medium

You can do it too

An army of highlighters, ready for battle. Photo by Clayton Robbins on Unsplash

I checked my Gmail last night and I was gobsmacked.

At the top of my inbox was a message from Medium informing me of my new status as a Top Highlighter. Finally, my hard work had paid off.

How did I earn such an elite title?

When I open a story on Medium, I don’t just read it. I highlight the shit out of it. And I am not a boring highlighter who only chooses key points and takeaways.

I’ll highlight the WHOLE GODDAMN THING.

Sounds predictable? Nope. I mix it up too. I’ll highlight your entire poem but select a few random words in your Open Letter. I am pure stealth — you won’t see me coming.

Some folks don’t think the word “to,” all by itself, is important. But I do. Without “to,” the sentence “I’m going to leave you, Jake” makes ZERO SENSE. Words are like players on a Little League Team. Every single one is important. Sure, Todd sucks at shortstop but he is an AMAZING sacrifice bunter. His efforts should be highlighted.

I don’t limit myself to Medium’s built-in highlighting tool. I use an actual highlighter too. My entire computer screen is now bright yellow. All of your Unsplash photos have an iridescent glow to me, which can be jarring. But when your article’s image is the sun? Or a duck? No problem!

I’ll highlight your photo caption. I’ll highlight the subtitle. I’ll highlight the little dots that separate your manifesto into digestible sections. If you can type it, I can highlight it.

I wish I could participate in highlighting duels. I’d be the quickest draw, leaving my opponent cold on the ground — his face covered in yellow. I think I’ll buy myself a holster just for my highlighter. Now that I am The Tops, I should look the part.

The Takeaway

Highlight your way to success just as I did. Practice at home, using old newspapers, past due bills, or ransom notes.

You are the Rocky Balboa of highlighting and no one can stop you.

“It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how you can get hit and keep moving forward. Also, highlight a buncha stuff.” — Rocky B.

Lance Cpl. Ray Lewis via Wikimedia Commons, Edited on Canva.

To read about the actual Top Highlighter on Medium, try this:

Medium
Humor
Satire
Comedy
Advice
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