Ever Wonder Why You Are You Still Single? One of These Five Reasons Could Be The Cause

The Dating With Confidence Series #5

You’re still single. And you’re wondering why. You’ve done everything right — got a degree, have a good job, are kind to animals — so what’s the problem?

Maybe it’s time to take a look at the real reasons you might be single…

“Working out your values and goals and what type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with is an essential strategy for singles.”

These five reasons may be why you are still single.

And who knows, maybe being single is exactly what you need right now. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts. It’s up to you.

Five frank reasons why you are still single

1. You’re still single because you’re playing the long game

Instead of jumping in and going on dates with any old Tom, Dick or Harriet, you are discriminating in who you date.

When I was single, I went on a lot of coffee dates. I like meeting people, and I met many remarkable men who were unsuitable for a long-term relationship. With me anyway.

Later in my dating journey, I became seriously selective. I learned that dating without thought led to wasted time and effort and emptied my bank account.

Leaping lemming-like into dating and going out with anyone who asks is like buying the first house you see. It gets the process over quickly, but you might not be satisfied with what you get.

Working out your values and goals and what type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with is an essential strategy for singles.

If this is what you’re doing, keep on doing it. It just might take a bit of time to meet the right person.

2. You are enjoying being single

Imagine the perfect single life. You can date every cute guy or gal who catches your eye, luxuriate in Egyptian cotton sheets with tea and toast until ten on Saturday mornings, and you don’t have anyone else’s dirty dishes to deal with.

Sounds like heaven, doesn’t it?

There are many reasons to enjoy being single, and you might not be ready to give all that up just yet.

If you love being single, have an honest conversation with yourself about whether you really want a relationship or not. If you’re happy being single, revel in it and enjoy yourself.

3. You are too selective about things that don’t matter

Many daters have a clear idea of the sort of person they are looking for. That’s excellent news.

But is it really?

It depends on what you are being selective about. Goals, values, and the sort of life you want to lead are good areas to be picky.

Height, hair color, eye color, weight and what your date does for a living, not so much.

I like brunettes with hazel eyes. My beloved is blond with blue eyes. He likes tall women with brown hair and olive skin. I’m five feet tall with red hair and white skin that burns if I go outside for more than ten minutes.

After being single for a while, I realized that appearance isn’t important. A spark of attraction, being able to chatter for hours and having the same outlook on life is.

If you have a long list of things you want in a partner, good for you, you’ve thought about it. But make sure you go through the list and cross off anything that isn’t important.

Liking sport and being outdoorsy so you can spend your spare time together is essential. The height of the person you are being outdoorsy with isn’t.

4. You give up too soon

Many singles go on a few dates and give up. All it takes is one or two bad experiences over a glass of pinot gris, and they are frightened off faster than a ferret up a drainpipe.

Dating takes perseverance, a thick skin, and an undying belief that the poor behavior of your dates reflects on them, not you.

Most happily partnered people go on many bad or mediocre dates before they meet their significant other. The difference between them and a single person still looking for love is that they don’t give up easily.

They may take a break from dating, but they don’t give up.

Are you giving up too soon? If so, get back out there and go on some dates.

5. You are not ready to date

You might be single because you are not ready to date yet. You have no idea whether you want a short-term fling or a long-term relationship ending with a church wedding and roses in your bouquet.

A long-distance relationship? You’ll give it a go.

One minute you’re agreeing with charismatic Carlos that traveling the world with nothing more than a credit card and a passport is your dream.

Next minute you are sharing tapas with Steve and his baby twins, little Emma and Sophie, gurgling in the stroller at your side.

Which is it? Sun screen, beaches and hiking with Carlos or changing nappies with Steve?

If you have no idea what sort of relationship you want, your goals, or what kind of life you want, you are not ready to date. Falling in with someone else’s life is no way to live.

Sort out your own life first. Then find the sort of person who will want to share it with you.

Summary

Unless you are fortunate, dating is a long game. It’s essential to ensure that when you choose to go into a relationship with someone, the relationship will enhance your life, not make it worse.

This means you need to make good choices.

If you don’t want a partner or are not ready for one, wait until the time is right. And if you are looking, be specific about the right things and ignore the things that don’t matter.

Knowing your goals and what you want out of life is important when you are single and dating. Click here to receive a free goal setting tool that will help you clarify your personal and work goals. You’ll also receive the latest Dating With Confidence articles weekly straight to your inbox. I also write the Monday Morning Leader Series and the Three Minute Train the Trainer Series.