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Abstract

id="39f6">Like ghosting but worse, Mosting is when your honey ghosts you after declaring undying love, telling you that you’re The One, and painting a happy future together.</p><p id="6dcd">This happened to me once. The guy was besotted. He wanted us to travel all over Europe together in a camper van, and he talked about the sort of dog he wanted us to get. A big one, apparently.</p><p id="f5fa">I took it more slowly, but I thought he was my boyfriend. Then nothing, and he disappeared completely.</p><p id="000d" type="7">“Dating takes courage, strength, and resilience. You also need the ability to look after yourself and recognize potentially healthy dating trends like vaccinated dating and dry dating, and harmful trends that will hurt you.”</p><p id="7b90">Nine months later, in a chance conversation with a business contact, I discovered he was currently Mosting another woman. We talked, she cried, he’d lied. Further digging revealed that he was a serial Moster, with each relationship lasting about three months.</p><p id="ed83">If you’re dating, take promises of a rosy future and white picket fences with a grain of salt. Actions speak louder than words, so hold back until you are sure your feelings are reciprocated.</p><figure id="e6a5"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*zG1Xt0hCDkZFPfU8"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@priscilladupreez?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Priscilla Du Preez</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h1 id="e23c">4. Love Bombing</h1><p id="78a9">Like it sounds, being love-bombed is when your new crush showers you with love, affection, attention, and gifts.</p><p id="bd96">Your date overwhelms you with over-the-top gestures. Dinner is fine dining, bouquets are bigger, and declarations are lavish, usually stating you are soulmates or destined to be together.</p><p id="03af">You feel good because of the dopamine and endorphins your body produces due to the attention. Not to mention all that lovely steak, wine, and perfume your date is treating you to.</p><p id="ecd3">Too good to be true? Probably.</p><blockquote id="b6d5"><p>“When you first meet someone, being swept off your feet can feel fun and exciting. Having someone shower you with affection and admiration is especially exhilarating when you’re in the beginning stages of a new relationship.</p></blockquote><blockquote id="b899"><p>Love bombing, however, is another story. It happens when someone overwhelms you with loving words, actions, and behavior as a manipulation technique.” — <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/love-bombing">Love Bombing: 10 Signs of Over-the-Top Love, Cindy Lamothe, www.healthline.com</a></p></blockquote><p id="3e39">The love bomber soon changes their tack, and your previously adoring and besotted date changes. They become controlling and manipulative, and suddenly you are not marvelous anymore. You are seriously flawed and can do nothing right.</p><p id="d88d">All that love bombing was designed to make you feel you owed them something and get control of you.</p><p id="1c22">If you think you are being love-bombed, talk it over with a friend or therapist.</p><h1 id="3d59">5. Paperclipping, Zombie-ing, and Submarining</h1><p id="af1f">These are all versions of the same thing.</p><p id="a64c">Your date ghosts you or someone you are talking to on an app fade away, only to re-appear and start messaging again a few months later.</p><p id="bbdb">When the Zombie/Submarine/Paperclip dater re-appears, they act as if nothing untoward has happened and try to pick up with you again. You start messaging and maybe arrange a date. Then they ghost you again.</p><p id="db2a">Then it happens again.</p><p id="166f">In my twenties, this was known as ‘mucking you about. The same behavior but re-named more imaginatively by the internet.</p><p id="348f">If someone mucks you about or imitates a zombie, a paperclip, or a submarine, d

Options

itch them.</p><h1 id="a38b">6. Cushioning</h1><p id="00d4">None of us know whether it will last on the first few dates of a relationship.</p><p id="4a5f">We might ask ourselves, “Does my date like me as much as I like them?”, “Is he going to turn out to be a weirdo?” or “What if we don’t have the same values?”</p><p id="f198">It’s sensible to wait until you know for sure that you’ve met The One, or at least someone you can have a go at dating long term before cutting off your other options.</p><p id="5083">Your ‘cushions’ or other options are the people you’ve been either dating casually or talking to on the dating apps. They’re the people you might date if your current choice falls through.</p><p id="6674">Cushioning keeps these people interested while you figure out if your relationship is going somewhere.</p><p id="b9a4">After all, dating is finding out if someone is a long-term match. Cushioning others is sensible. Being cushioned is not so pleasant.</p><p id="a761">If you are being kept at bay with no firm dates to meet up, you might be being cushioned. Ask if the person you are chatting to is seeing someone else and how serious it is.</p><h1 id="9b73">Summary</h1><p id="3568">New dating trends are identified all the time. Usually, they are a fresh name for poor behavior carried out with new digital tools.</p><p id="bf8f">Dating takes courage, strength, and resilience. You also need the ability to look after yourself and recognize potentially healthy dating trends like vaccinated dating and dry dating, and harmful trends that will hurt you.</p><p id="becf">Trust your feelings. If it doesn’t feel good, it probably isn’t.</p><div id="e763" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/six-weird-new-dating-trends-every-single-person-must-know-9d268a6cbe79"> <div> <div> <h2>Six Weird New Dating Trends Every Single Person Must Know</h2> <div><h3>Dating With Confidence #2</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Sf35X6_kkUHQJDbw)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="6b89" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/four-essential-questions-to-ask-on-a-first-date-3ddcaac7e2e1"> <div> <div> <h2>Four Essential Questions To Ask On A First Date</h2> <div><h3>So you can decide if there will be a second one</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*ZLsx9p3lz5-xw2hb)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="fbdd" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/6-signs-youve-found-your-soulmate-4b9a63fe538a"> <div> <div> <h2>6 Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate</h2> <div><h3>Have you met a keeper?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*ihUqGV_tYXZiNWIk)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="2e37" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-i-bewitched-my-boyfriend-c6b4752e0837"> <div> <div> <h2>How I Bewitched My Boyfriend</h2> <div><h3>And how he found out what I’d done</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*W7IEWhzXx57KxfxU)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Six (More) Weird New Dating Trends Every Single Should Know

Dating With Confidence Series #4

Dating is fun but can be pretty scary because you never know who your date might turn out to be. They could be your soulmate, a potential friend, or someone you don’t click with at all.

“If someone mucks you about or imitates a zombie, a paperclip, or a submarine, ditch them.”

There are now all sorts of crazy dating trends that you need to know about if you date online.

I’ve written about ghosting, hardballing, roaching and stashing, now here are six more dating trends you need to be aware of:

1. Dry Dating

Think again if you feel that dating and drinking go hand in hand. Dry dating is the new craze for 2022.

This new trend has daters being more mindful of how they date, including not drinking.

During covid dating changed significantly as pubs, bars, and restaurants were closed. Daters had to be more creative and come up with outdoor activities such as walking on the beach.

This has led to people preferring to spend a first date sober rather than using alcohol as a social lubricant.

‘There are several reasons alcohol-free romance is piquing interest in a new way. Many people re-evaluated their wellness habits during a lockdown, lessening their drinking, or even taking it off the table entirely.” — Dry dating: The rise of sober love and sex, Jessica Klein, www.bbc.com

We’ve all noticed how a couple of drinks can make a date look more attractive, only to wonder what we saw in them on the second date.

When I was dating, I changed to coffee dates for first dates. Sometimes I had a cake, but no alcohol and no rose-tinted glasses.

2. Vaccinated dating

Singles actively dating increasingly want to know if their potential dates are vaccinated.

Some dating apps have introduced a vaccination badge that can be added to a person’s dating profile to show they are vaccinated. Like any other statement on a dating profile, there is no way to check if people are honest about their vaccination status.

Transparency around vaccination status is leading to a similar approach to sexual health too.

“While fear of COVID-19 has created a surge of citizens openly declaring their vaccination status on dating apps like Hinge and Bumble, experts say app companies are looking at how to promote and facilitate a similar openness when it comes to sharing sexual health information.” — Dating app users are disclosing STI and vaccine status for safer encounters and queer apps are leading the way, Anthony Fong, theconversation.com

So if you have already sucked it up and had the jabs, you can ask your date whether they have it too. It’s trendy to be safe.

3. Mosting

Like ghosting but worse, Mosting is when your honey ghosts you after declaring undying love, telling you that you’re The One, and painting a happy future together.

This happened to me once. The guy was besotted. He wanted us to travel all over Europe together in a camper van, and he talked about the sort of dog he wanted us to get. A big one, apparently.

I took it more slowly, but I thought he was my boyfriend. Then nothing, and he disappeared completely.

“Dating takes courage, strength, and resilience. You also need the ability to look after yourself and recognize potentially healthy dating trends like vaccinated dating and dry dating, and harmful trends that will hurt you.”

Nine months later, in a chance conversation with a business contact, I discovered he was currently Mosting another woman. We talked, she cried, he’d lied. Further digging revealed that he was a serial Moster, with each relationship lasting about three months.

If you’re dating, take promises of a rosy future and white picket fences with a grain of salt. Actions speak louder than words, so hold back until you are sure your feelings are reciprocated.

4. Love Bombing

Like it sounds, being love-bombed is when your new crush showers you with love, affection, attention, and gifts.

Your date overwhelms you with over-the-top gestures. Dinner is fine dining, bouquets are bigger, and declarations are lavish, usually stating you are soulmates or destined to be together.

You feel good because of the dopamine and endorphins your body produces due to the attention. Not to mention all that lovely steak, wine, and perfume your date is treating you to.

Too good to be true? Probably.

“When you first meet someone, being swept off your feet can feel fun and exciting. Having someone shower you with affection and admiration is especially exhilarating when you’re in the beginning stages of a new relationship.

Love bombing, however, is another story. It happens when someone overwhelms you with loving words, actions, and behavior as a manipulation technique.” — Love Bombing: 10 Signs of Over-the-Top Love, Cindy Lamothe, www.healthline.com

The love bomber soon changes their tack, and your previously adoring and besotted date changes. They become controlling and manipulative, and suddenly you are not marvelous anymore. You are seriously flawed and can do nothing right.

All that love bombing was designed to make you feel you owed them something and get control of you.

If you think you are being love-bombed, talk it over with a friend or therapist.

5. Paperclipping, Zombie-ing, and Submarining

These are all versions of the same thing.

Your date ghosts you or someone you are talking to on an app fade away, only to re-appear and start messaging again a few months later.

When the Zombie/Submarine/Paperclip dater re-appears, they act as if nothing untoward has happened and try to pick up with you again. You start messaging and maybe arrange a date. Then they ghost you again.

Then it happens again.

In my twenties, this was known as ‘mucking you about. The same behavior but re-named more imaginatively by the internet.

If someone mucks you about or imitates a zombie, a paperclip, or a submarine, ditch them.

6. Cushioning

None of us know whether it will last on the first few dates of a relationship.

We might ask ourselves, “Does my date like me as much as I like them?”, “Is he going to turn out to be a weirdo?” or “What if we don’t have the same values?”

It’s sensible to wait until you know for sure that you’ve met The One, or at least someone you can have a go at dating long term before cutting off your other options.

Your ‘cushions’ or other options are the people you’ve been either dating casually or talking to on the dating apps. They’re the people you might date if your current choice falls through.

Cushioning keeps these people interested while you figure out if your relationship is going somewhere.

After all, dating is finding out if someone is a long-term match. Cushioning others is sensible. Being cushioned is not so pleasant.

If you are being kept at bay with no firm dates to meet up, you might be being cushioned. Ask if the person you are chatting to is seeing someone else and how serious it is.

Summary

New dating trends are identified all the time. Usually, they are a fresh name for poor behavior carried out with new digital tools.

Dating takes courage, strength, and resilience. You also need the ability to look after yourself and recognize potentially healthy dating trends like vaccinated dating and dry dating, and harmful trends that will hurt you.