What to Do When You’ve Been Ghosted by a Guy You Really Like

It’s not the end of the world even though it feels like it

Have you ever been dating a guy, and out of nowhere, he disappears? He becomes a ghost. No texts, no phone calls, no likes on your social media.

This is what’s known as being ghosted.

Instead of fronting up and telling you that he doesn’t want to see you anymore, he’s chosen to cut you off.

When I was dating, I was ghosted a few times, and it was very upsetting. I didn’t know what I had done wrong or why I was ghosted. I didn’t even know if I was still dating the guy for the first few days.

It can be really frustrating and confusing. So, what should you do when this happens to you? Keep reading to find out.

1. Accept what has happened

When you really like someone, it’s so easy to fantasize that the reason you are not hearing from them us that they are lying in hospital with memory loss.

You have fantasies about finding him and nursing him back to health. You imagine researching everything about memory loss and having serious consultations with his family and the doctors.

Your guy falls in love with you all over again, and then ‘BOOM!’ regains his memory and loves you twice as much.

Only this never happens. What does happen is you exhaust yourself texting, emailing, phoning, messaging, and pestering your boyfriend’s friends and family. In the process, you go slightly deranged, and your friends and his mutter, ‘Geez, no wonder he dumped her’.

Don’t do this. If the guy you are dating disappeared without a trace, his disappearing act is the message. He’s gone. Give yourself some time to mourn the loss and heal.

2. Give yourself some time to heal

Being ghosted isn’t pleasant. It’s ugly. Give yourself a break, and don’t rush out looking for someone else. It’s unhealthy, and no one wants to be a rebound person anyway.

“Rebound psychology works a certain way: You either want to be comfortable with someone well known to you or with someone completely different than your usual type. That is you are either looking for reassurance or for renewed appreciation. Either way, you want to rediscover yourself by looking at yourself through someone else’s eyes.” — The 5 Stages of a Rebound Relationship, Strotropama Mukherjee, www.bonobology.com

Take care of yourself, see your friends, and work out what you want out of life.

Think about what you want out of your next relationship and what red flags to look for next time you date someone.

Treat yourself to a few things that make you feel good, like a good book, your favorite shows, or some make-up.

Don’t leave it there, though. I remember a reading magazine article years ago which struck a note. The author said something like, ‘Whenever a woman is in pain she is advised to have a long soak in the bath with candles and a glass of wine. No one tells a man to have a wash to get over something traumatic’.

So treat yourself to something a bit more substantial if your budget will stand it. Or try out long-term goals such as a course, a gym membership, or going away on a retreat.

If money is tight, get creative and learn online for free, do exercise videos on YouTube and invite your friends over for a weekend retreat at your place. I’m sure you get the idea.

3. Talk to friends and family

Share your grief with your friends and family, but make sure you only talk to the supportive ones.

Comments like, “Well, you must have done something wrong or he wouldn’t have dumped you,’ aren’t much help.

I’ve been on the receiving end of enough unkind comments when I was dating to know how much they can hurt.

‘Whenever a woman is in pain she is advised to have a long soak in the bath with candles and a glass of wine. No one tells a man to have a wash to get over something traumatic’.

Explain that it’s not only the end of the relationship but the way it was done that upset you.

It may be helpful to discuss what you think went wrong, but only if your friends or family can give sensible advice and be constructive.

If you are not having any joy finding someone you can talk to, journaling is a great way to get emotions out and clear your thoughts. It helps with anxiety and depression and it’s free.

You are still talking to someone, but that someone is you.

Summary

It’s hard to move on when you don’t have closure, but it is possible. You will need time to mourn the loss and work through your feelings, but eventually, you will need to pick yourself up and start moving forward again. This process won’t be easy, but you can do it.

If you can, look at it as an opportunity to take stock of your life and move forward with your goals and what you want out of life.