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Abstract

id="cfb8">Being rejected is horrible, but being rejected unkindly is awful.List the reasons you don’t want to see him again and work out some kind ways of saying it.If you can’t think of anything obvious, come up with a catch-all reason.The obvious reason — ‘I don’t like doing adventure sports and kayaking all weekend, and I’d hate to stop you doing what you love.’Catch-all reasons:‘I don’t feel we share the same interests’‘I don’t see us as a couple in the long term’‘I thought I was ready to date, but I’m not’‘I don’t think we are a good match as a couple’‘I can’t put my finger on it, but I know in my heart we are not a good fit.’Takeaway: Practice what you are going to say beforehand.<h1 id="1026">4. Use ‘I’ statements</h1>Make sure you use<a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/i-message"> ‘I’ statements</a> as in the examples above. That way, you share what you are feeling, which cannot be disputed.Avoid any form of accusation or ‘you’ statements as they can come across as argumentative. You are telling the guy why you don’t want to see him again, not doing a 360 appraisal of his character.It’s hard for someone to argue with ‘I’ statements.Takeaway: Always use ‘I’ statements.<h1 id="d229">5. Only meet in person if you want to</h1>If you get a request to meet in person to discuss the situation, only you can decide if you are up to it. A ‘dear John’ text after one coffee date is acceptable, but your date deserves more than a text out of the blue if you have been seeing him for a while.You can do a zoom chat or a phone call instead of a text. These options give you the freedom to end the conversation if things turn ugly but are much kinder than just a text.Takeaway: You don’t have to meet in person if you don’t want to.<h1 id="777e">Conclusion</h1>If you’re not feeling it, don’t lead the guy on. It’s better to be upfront and honest so he can move on and find someone who is a better match for him.Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to dating.So if you are not interested in a guy, tell him! He will appreciate your honesty and be grateful that you spared him any additional time and energy. Dating can be hard enough without games or mixed signals.Remember that you should never date someone out of pity or guilt. If you are not interested, stop dating him.<ul><li>You liked him enough to go on a date or two with him so he deserves the courtesy of the truth.</li><li>Everyone wants to know why they’ve been rejected even though it doesn’t change anything.</li><li>Practice what you are going to say beforehand.</li><li>Always use ‘I’ statements.</li><li>Only meet in person if you want to.</li></ul><div id="0c51" class="link-block"> <a href="https://wendyscottfromauckland.medium.com/subscribe"> <div>

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How to Tell a Guy You’re Not Keen on Him

Most importantly, be kind

Dating can be a lot of fun, but it can also be frustrating and confusing. Sometimes you go out with someone, and you’re unsure if you want to see them again. How do you let them know without being mean or rude?

When I was dating, I met plenty of guys. Sometimes it was one coffee date, and sometimes a few dates because I wanted to get to know them better.

When someone wanted to see me again, but I wasn’t interested, I let them know straight away. I wish some of the guys had done the same as I was slow at recognizing when someone wasn’t interested in me.

Here are a few tips on how to tell a guy you are dating that you don’t want to see him again.

1. Be direct and honest

It is always best, to be honest, and tell the poor guy that you aren’t feeling it. Ghosting him or making excuses just to save yourself the hassle of a painful conversation isn’t fair on him.

Tell him immediately once you have decided that you don’t want to see someone again. It isn’t right to leave someone hanging on, thinking they have a date at the weekend or a possible new girlfriend.

“Breakups are miserable. No one likes going through them, and no one likes putting their (ex-) partners through them. The idea of initiating a breakup is often threatening, even to people who are pretty certain that their relationship needs to end.” — Breakup Strategies: The Brave and the Cowardly, Samantha Joel Ph.D., www.psychologytoday.com

Imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed. Put your big girl knickers on and start planning what you will say.

Takeaway: You liked him enough to go on a date him, so he deserves the courtesy of the truth.

2. Explain your reasons

Although it is futile, everyone wants to know why their date doesn’t want to see them again. There are lots of reasons you don’t want to see him again. You could find him boring or just not feel attracted to him. It’s up to you to come up with an explanation that he will accept.

That explanation should be a kind version of what you think. Telling the bald truth serves no one. Be honest about not wanting to see the guy again but wrap the reasons in compassion.

Takeaway: Everyone wants to know why they’ve been rejected even though it doesn’t change anything.

3. Avoid being mean or rude

Being rejected is horrible, but being rejected unkindly is awful.

List the reasons you don’t want to see him again and work out some kind ways of saying it.

If you can’t think of anything obvious, come up with a catch-all reason.

The obvious reason — ‘I don’t like doing adventure sports and kayaking all weekend, and I’d hate to stop you doing what you love.’

Catch-all reasons:

‘I don’t feel we share the same interests’

‘I don’t see us as a couple in the long term’

‘I thought I was ready to date, but I’m not’

‘I don’t think we are a good match as a couple’

‘I can’t put my finger on it, but I know in my heart we are not a good fit.’

Takeaway: Practice what you are going to say beforehand.

4. Use ‘I’ statements

Make sure you use ‘I’ statements as in the examples above. That way, you share what you are feeling, which cannot be disputed.

Avoid any form of accusation or ‘you’ statements as they can come across as argumentative. You are telling the guy why you don’t want to see him again, not doing a 360 appraisal of his character.

It’s hard for someone to argue with ‘I’ statements.

Takeaway: Always use ‘I’ statements.

5. Only meet in person if you want to

If you get a request to meet in person to discuss the situation, only you can decide if you are up to it. A ‘dear John’ text after one coffee date is acceptable, but your date deserves more than a text out of the blue if you have been seeing him for a while.

You can do a zoom chat or a phone call instead of a text. These options give you the freedom to end the conversation if things turn ugly but are much kinder than just a text.

Takeaway: You don’t have to meet in person if you don’t want to.

Conclusion

If you’re not feeling it, don’t lead the guy on. It’s better to be upfront and honest so he can move on and find someone who is a better match for him.

Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to dating.

So if you are not interested in a guy, tell him! He will appreciate your honesty and be grateful that you spared him any additional time and energy. Dating can be hard enough without games or mixed signals.

Remember that you should never date someone out of pity or guilt. If you are not interested, stop dating him.

You liked him enough to go on a date or two with him so he deserves the courtesy of the truth.
Everyone wants to know why they’ve been rejected even though it doesn’t change anything.
Practice what you are going to say beforehand.
Always use ‘I’ statements.
Only meet in person if you want to.

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