Humor | Love | Dating | Singles
How I Bewitched My Boyfriend
And how he found out what I’d done
It took me a long time to find my boyfriend. Years of dating. So by the time I did meet him I wasn’t shy about trying anything to do with dating. I’d done it all. On-line dating, speed-dating, singles dances, executive dating services. I’d even set up a singles group of my own.
So when there was talk in singles circles of a way to make a couple fall in love, my ears pricked up.
With the help of Google, I found out what all the fuss was about.
Psychologist Arthur Aron of Stony Brook University designed thirty-six questions that, if discussed by a couple, promote intimacy very quickly. Follow these questions with four minutes of intense eye contact, and Bob’s your uncle, Fanny’s your aunt, bish, bosh, bash, you are in love.
All it took was some screen shots of the questions on my phone and to wait for the next time we had dinner à deux.
My boyfriend loves to cook, so an invitation to dinner at his place was forthcoming very quickly. Now I wasn’t silly enough to say, “Hey, guess what! If we answer these thirty-six questions we’ll fall in love.”
Instead, I said they were questions to help couples get to know each other and it might be fun. He agreed, and we went through all the questions.
The questions were thought provoking. We are both talkers who like to explore ideas so these questions were ideal for us. Answering the questions took over an hour, but that was OK because in those days it was a three course dinner, both of us dressed up, lots of wine and candlelight.
I can’t remember whether we did the staring into each others' eyes for four minutes. Possibly we did, but after all that wine, I have no idea.
Time ticked on and a couple of years passed. We became an established couple. Covid and lockdown happened and he moved in with me. To pass the time we re-watched The Big Bang Theory from start to finish. That is when my boyfriend caught me.
There is an episode where Sheldon and Penny hear about the love questions and decide to try it out as an experiment on themselves. “Oh, crap,” I thought. “I hope he doesn’t remember this.” Of course he did.
“These questions seem very familiar. I’m sure I’ve seen them somewhere before,” he said with a suspicious gleam in his eye.
I tried to look innocent but it didn’t work.
“You bewitched me! You put a spell on me! I can’t believe you did that!”
Blah, blah, blah.
He still thinks that I bewitched him. Maybe I did. Maybe it’s science.
Nowadays, he likes to tell people I wanted him so much I resorted to trickery.
Sigh.
Here are the questions:
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Now stare into each others eyes for four minutes.
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