Who is HKB: Why the pseudo name?
HKB, what’s that… ? Oh it’s a person, oops….
Only 35 years old, yet, I feel like a 60 some-year-old. I have lived through many things.
Being an immigrant of Brazil, leaving everything I knew, all of the friendships, and the only stable home I had my small nine years of life; to then being up-rooted by a womanizing absent father, a traveling holistic doctor, who dragged us five kids across the globe, along with our warrior mother — who finally had the gall to leave him, once we moved to the United States, permanently.
If anything, I am a child of continual inner turmoil. Of duality, of a constant inner fight for neutrality. But, alas, I play the fool’s part, wanting to be the wise one. Never, succeeding.
Life is short, life is transient. Living is a struggle at times. Living is a balance. You choose the way you want to go, and how you want to live your life, how you want to be. If you live in a free country.
Yet, I should only be thankful. For I have a home, I have an education, I have an alert mind and somehow, an open heart?
To answer your question more directly:
I am a mother, a teacher, an avid reader of everything, and an occasional writer.
I am not a savant, I am not a savior, I am not a debutante (obviously — mother); I am not a servant.
I am not rich, nor poor, nor naive (I hope), nor wise.
I am who I am, and I make no excuses or apologize for it.
I’ve been through an 11-year marriage, divorce, and am living on the other side.
I have been a parent since the inception of my official adult life (23 years-old). I have three darling daughters, who are extremely smart and beautiful, to my own detriment; and their father’s — they figured out daddy wasn’t going to be around much longer before I even realized, so they made divorce more bearable than I initially imagined.
I am a teacher and have been before I became one professionally for the past twelve years. I have always watched out for and taught my younger brother, and I have always been a professional babysitter since the age of 10 (although, I have never read the Babysitter’s Club book series, whoops).
My siblings and I had to raise ourselves while daddy and mommy were out in the world building an empire of Naturopathic Medicine clinics all over the globe and training the next generation of holistic doctors. Nowadays, here in the U.S., it’s more accepted, than back then in the ’70s through the early '90s.
Although, I resent the absence, we never truly bonded with our parents (well, maybe my two eldest sisters, for they say they have different memories than the remaining three of us). No worries, therapy helped me mostly through those issues of emotional abandonment.
So, if I am ever distant, or seemingly cruel, I can chalk it up to that lack of empathy and warmth in my early childhood until my adulthood years.
The funny thing is, I wouldn’t trade my experiences for the world. Although, to strangers, I may seem something I am not, to people who truly know me and get me, they know what they are getting, and that I am nothing but a softy and give my unconditional love to them, and fiercely protect them and fight for them. I am an OX (Chinese Zodiac, if you believe in that sort of thing).
Although, I am a brutally honest b-i-t-c-h who can also be the most compassionate S-O-B and has got your back, no matter what.
I am like that song, by Meredith Brooks “Bitch”. I cannot be neatly put in a box. I am everything, and I am everything also, to my daughters: provider, educator, mom, dad, confidant, “ya-da, ya-da, ya-da”, everything.
So, my writing is… Me.
I write about anything and everything. For I lived through amazing ups and downs.
I’ve been victimized, I’ve been cared for, I’ve been saved, and forgiven, and I’ve been the same for others.
Who is HKB? You won’t know my true name. Because I am protecting my family, first.
Despite the adverse experiences I have had growing up. Those experiences have made me, who I am today.
I never knew the strength I had in me, to walk away several times from my established safety nets, to land in a new place, of my own making.
I guess, being continually uprooted, living like nomads and Gypsys’ at a young age, has taught me resilience, perseverance, to have some guts. Go figure!
To answer your question about my mental state, because I know some of you may be wondering that. No, I don’t have a diagnosed mental illness. I just accept who I am and am not afraid to talk about it. I was married to a Malignant Narcissist, but escaped, mostly unscathed. So did our daughters, thank goodness!
(Mother, teacher, avid reader of everything, and occasional writer — who are you?)
P.S. If you want to be the few who truly know me — just read some of my pieces for fun: