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Abstract

oted, and as you say, there is nothing I can do. Sex addiction is an addiction.I believe that unless you truly want to stop doing what you have done, since we were married, there will never be a way for us to have a healthy relationship. A relationship based on trust, friendship, mutual respect, and exclusivity (as a true marriage is meant to be).You deserve a healthy loving relationship with someone who is a friend to you, who you feel you can openly communicate, without fear of judgement.I deserve the same.You deserve an equal partner who will help you in times of need and hardship, see when you’re struggling and try their best to help.I deserve the same.You need a partner who will always be willing to raise our children with good moral values, with patience, kindness, and understanding.You deserve someone who will step up and step in when you are struggling caring for the girls; to ease the many challenges of being a parent. Yet, not judge you in how you parent, and know that no one is perfect, but that you are trying your best.You need and deserve a partner who will respect you, not look down at you, or shame you for who you are, and for what you enjoy in life, (hobbies, hanging out with friends, etc. — not your addiction).After much careful thought and many sleepless nights without you, and covering the true causes to my depression… I have realized. We only have two options:For us to work together through our issues and become both stronger and better; so, we can continue this road of marriage</

Options

i> we started. To be fully committed to one another and interdependent of each other.Or divorce… but apart, in its true sense. Separate homes, shared custody, true celibacy.I just cannot live in limbo any longer.These last three years have been very hard.I don’t feel like me anymore. I just feel like this scared insecure shell of a woman… girl, really, who has been walking on eggshells. I feel angry almost all the time and upset both emotionally, and sometimes, physically.I feel like I cannot truly make love to you any more without feeling self-conscious and completely at ease. Like my body is not good enough, anymore. As if I am being compared to every woman you wish you could sleep with or have slept with.I feel terrible, all the time.I only have fleeting moments of happiness, or that I feel like myself when you just hold me. Kiss me, but really kiss me.The feeling of happiness only comes when I’m with our children. Or when I’m not tied down with the baby in my arms all day, not able to care properly for our children, our home, or myself.So, as you have said to me many times before. We’re two very different people, and you think we just are not compatible for one another. At times, you have admitted to me you’re not sure you love me.So now you need to decide.Make our marriage work, or divorce.The choice is yours. I’ll continue to love you and live, either way. The decision may be hard; but I need an answer, and so do you.Eu te amo,- H</article></body>

An Open Letter to My Estranged Husband

He would not listen or open up to me, so I opened up to him.

Dear ____,

I have tried to talk to you about how I feel in our relationship, and what I need from you as a partner. But I feel my words are not getting through to you, or worse, you willfully are ignoring them.

I do not want to be co-dependent on you or make you feel like I’m taking you for granted.

I want you to be happy.

I feel as I have failed you as your wife, friend, and partner in raising our children.

Worthless is how I feel in your eyes and not the person you initially fell in love with; if it was love to begin with, and not just lust on your part.

When you were honest with me in 2015, about your countless betrayals, this was an eye opener on how you truly felt in our relationship.

Something was amiss with us, back then, but I thought it was just because you regretted my decisions about leaving my previous job to stay home with our youngest at the time.

Now, I’m beginning to understand when you say it’s not just about me.

I am missing you in the picture. The issues you have are long rooted, and as you say, there is nothing I can do. Sex addiction is an addiction.

I believe that unless you truly want to stop doing what you have done, since we were married, there will never be a way for us to have a healthy relationship. A relationship based on trust, friendship, mutual respect, and exclusivity (as a true marriage is meant to be).

You deserve a healthy loving relationship with someone who is a friend to you, who you feel you can openly communicate, without fear of judgement.

I deserve the same.

You deserve an equal partner who will help you in times of need and hardship, see when you’re struggling and try their best to help.

I deserve the same.

You need a partner who will always be willing to raise our children with good moral values, with patience, kindness, and understanding.

You deserve someone who will step up and step in when you are struggling caring for the girls; to ease the many challenges of being a parent. Yet, not judge you in how you parent, and know that no one is perfect, but that you are trying your best.

You need and deserve a partner who will respect you, not look down at you, or shame you for who you are, and for what you enjoy in life, (hobbies, hanging out with friends, etc. — not your addiction).

After much careful thought and many sleepless nights without you, and covering the true causes to my depression… I have realized. We only have two options:

For us to work together through our issues and become both stronger and better; so, we can continue this road of marriage we started. To be fully committed to one another and interdependent of each other.

Or divorce… but apart, in its true sense. Separate homes, shared custody, true celibacy.

I just cannot live in limbo any longer.

These last three years have been very hard.

I don’t feel like me anymore. I just feel like this scared insecure shell of a woman… girl, really, who has been walking on eggshells. I feel angry almost all the time and upset both emotionally, and sometimes, physically.

I feel like I cannot truly make love to you any more without feeling self-conscious and completely at ease. Like my body is not good enough, anymore. As if I am being compared to every woman you wish you could sleep with or have slept with.

I feel terrible, all the time.

I only have fleeting moments of happiness, or that I feel like myself when you just hold me. Kiss me, but really kiss me.

The feeling of happiness only comes when I’m with our children. Or when I’m not tied down with the baby in my arms all day, not able to care properly for our children, our home, or myself.

So, as you have said to me many times before. We’re two very different people, and you think we just are not compatible for one another. At times, you have admitted to me you’re not sure you love me.

So now you need to decide.

Make our marriage work, or divorce.

The choice is yours. I’ll continue to love you and live, either way. The decision may be hard; but I need an answer, and so do you.

Eu te amo,

- H