POLITICS, SOCIETAL INJUSTICE
White Morons Disguise Themselves As Mexicans Just So Ron DeSantis Can Fly Them Out Of Florida
Living La Vida Loca
Florida residents longed to win contests where they get all-expense paid trips to Martha’s Vineyard. If only they knew that they could achieve this gift by illegally crossing the border from Mexico to Texas.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis used the state’s taxpayer dollars to fly out illegal Latino immigrants from Texas to Martha’s Vineyard. Frustrated that the liberals were not tightening boarder security, DeSantis tried to own them by sending these people to ex-President Barrack Obama’s backyard. DeSantis smirked.
“The blue states want illegal citizens more than we red states do. I’m just giving them what they want.”
Democrats blasted Ron DeSantis for abandoning these immigrants in the middle of nowhere. They claimed that DeSantis was “human trafficking” immigrants as a political power play. We were amused that the liberals called DeSantis’s actions as human trafficking. Does this mean that NFL is human trafficking athletes and cheerleaders when they transport them from one place to another for away games? If so, then every NFL owner is a human trafficker. That would explain why they didn’t kick out Washington Commies owner Dan Snyder.
DeSantis didn’t force these immigrants to perform hard labor or sexual acts against their will. Calling him a human trafficker is like calling a deadbeat dad a domestic abuser just because he walked out on his family. The party affected was abandoned, but they no longer had to interact with a negligent and selfish authority.
That being said, we are comedy writers, not lawyers. We don’t know if DeSantis actually committed a crime. We reached out to Northeastern professor of criminology and criminal justice Amy Farrell. Farrell responded.
“The Trafficking Victims Protection Act of 2000 lays out methods for prosecuting traffickers and protecting victims. Prosecutors must prove that victims were recruited, harbored, or transported for labor through force, fraud or coercion. DeSantis may not have forced them to perform services, but he did use fraud and maybe coercion to lure innocent victims into getting better opportunities in Massachusetts. Through deceit, DeSantis violated the human trafficking act.”
We were amused that DeSantis may go to prison after getting “even” with the liberals. This dimwit threw his political career away just so he can gift Obama cheap labor to keep his mansion clean. Congratulations, DeSantis. You played yourself.
We reached out to DeSantis for comment. DeSantis defended his actions.
“Oh, for Christ sakes! You think Texas and Florida will take care of these folks?
“These hombres can’t live in Texas because Governor Greg Abbott made the state insanely hostile just so he can buy Texas land for cheap.
“These hombres can’t live in Florida because they have low IQs! They will be innocently persecuted during my genocide to get rid of idiots!
“We don’t have the bandwidth to take care of these innocent people! Abbott can’t harm them in his quest to diversify his real estate portfolio. I can’t harm them in my quest to improve Florida’s average IQ. Massachusetts would help them out better than we could!
“I’m not evil. I’m just misunderstood.”
Despite DeSantis’s deflection, we still admired his compassion. DeSantis didn’t treat the Latino immigrants the same way he treated the typical Florida man. Props to DeSantis for realizing the difference between these illiterate groups is that the immigrants didn’t choose to be retarded.
We reached out to a survivor of DeSantis’s genocide against the idiots: Republican Senator Roger Marshall. Marshall brought light to this persecution in his series Surviving R. DeSantis.
We asked Marshall how he felt that DeSantis would help immigrants more than white inbreds.
Marshall stated.
“It’s amazing that DeSantis would treat Latin American citizens better than Florida citizens. Yes, these Florida citizens have below-average IQ. They may be dumber than illegal immigrants. But they’re still Americans!
“That being said, DeSantis gave us an idea. Ever since I escaped his concentration camp in Aucilla, Florida, I’ve worked tirelessly to help other Florida imbeciles escape persecution. I’ve set up low-income homes in Kansas for their asylum and snuck out fugitives through disguises. We can save money by modifying the disguises so that DeSantis can fly out the fugitives himself.”
We asked Marshall what he had in mind. Marshall beamed.
“Why, we disguise these white morons as Latino immigrants!
“We smear brown face, teach them a bit of Spanish, paste black pubic hair on their faces, and hand them sombreros and maracas. Once we perfect their disguises, they can go door to door begging for work. Floridan citizens will then report them to DeSantis, who will fly these idiots disguised as Mexicans into Martha’s Vineyard.
“From there, we can welcome these morons into Obama’s backyard and transport them to other red states. Kansas, Kentucky, and Mississippi have so much land to welcome their own kind. These states will get further dumber, but at least their citizens will be free from the wrath of DeSantis.”
We were amused at Marshall’s idea. Out of all the ways for people to escape a genocide, we would never have guessed them convincing a leader of genocide to human traffick themselves. This wasn’t even on our BINGO card!
We reached out to Obama on this idea. Obama refused to entertain this.
“I respect Latino immigrants as American citizens. But I would never open my mansion to them. I’m no longer in politics. It’s no longer my responsibility to be compassionate to my constituents.
“I don’t see why I should help white idiots escape DeSantis’s persecution. These same imbeciles harassed my family and tried to vote me out of office. I get zero benefit by turning the other cheek.”
We asked Obama if he’d consider helping considerate and smart citizens from Florida who are escaping Hurricane Ian. Although decency and intelligence in Florida is rare, these handful of people do not need to suffer because DeSantis blew the state’s disaster relief budget on “owning the libs.” Perhaps Obama can allow these disguised Mexicans instead.
Obama declined to comment.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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