Breakups and moving on
The Reason Why Breakups Are So Difficult
And how to make it easier to let go, heal, and move on.
There’s nothing more difficult than breaking up and having to let go of a person you really care about. The only reason breakups are so difficult is because letting go is difficult. If we knew the art of letting go, breakups would be easy.
I recently walked away from someone I really cared about because we were at different stages on our journey. We seemed perfect for each other, but the timing just wasn’t right. He had just gotten out of a traumatic relationship, and he was smart enough to say he wasn't ready for another one. I respected him for it, but I was ready to be with someone.
I had to walk away so he could do the inner work he needed to do. I didn’t want to be a distraction, but the separation was painful nonetheless. I was more heartbroken than I thought, and I struggled to detach. There were times where painful emotions rose to the surface. I cried myself to sleep several nights. I loved him.
The only reason breakups are so difficult is because we don’t know the art of letting go. If we knew how to let go, breakups would be easy.
When it comes to breakups, what you grieve isn’t really the person you lost. You grieve the meaning you gave the relationship. We grieve the meaning we lost. Think about it for a second.
The person meant something to you, so you gave it meaning. For me, I prayed for a partner, so when he came into my life, I believed he was the one I prayed for. That was the meaning I gave the relationship. I believed he was my soulmate. When it didn’t work out, I lost the meaning that it was the universe who brought him to me and that he was the perfect person for me. Losing that meaning was the difficult part of the breakup. But it was all me. It wasn’t the universe that assigned that meaning. I did.
Nothing has meaning until you give it one. When you give it one, it becomes difficult to detach because you assume that when you do; you do not get the payoff. Letting go means losing the prize.
Letting go of that meaning meant accepting that I was wrong. It was the realization that I didn’t get what I prayed for. I couldn't let go of the thought that he could be the one. I struggled. I had a deep connection with him, and I feared I would never find that kind of connection with another person, but that’s far from the truth.
I thought if I let go, I may never find someone else, and that was a fear from my childhood that I still needed to work through. When I was a kid, I felt odd and different, as if something was wrong with me, so whenever I felt rejected, I admitted fault and blamed myself. I assumed that I might have pushed him away with my sensitivities. Maybe I attracted someone who needed healing because I still had things I needed to heal.
As an introvert, going out to meet new people isn’t my forte. I enjoy being home, but soulmates don’t appear at our front doors so when I find a person, I hold on to them because I hate having to repeat the process all over again. I hate having to start over.
Because of this, I give too much power to the men I date, almost sort of idolizing them. I was addicted to the way he made me feel. I felt like I always had to do so much to prove myself and how much he meant to me and we all know that you want something too much and you push it away.
When it comes to breakups, what you grieve isn’t really the person you lost. You grieve the meaning you lost.
To let go of a person, you have to change your mindset about the person and the relationship. Whether you broke it off or they broke it off, just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Just because a person broke up with you doesn’t make them cooler than you are. Sometimes relationships just don't work out and it has nothing to do with you.
You have to become aware of the story you're telling yourself and the meaning you're giving relationships. I was telling myself that he was God-sent and I maybe messed it up, but we both did nothing wrong.
You have to let go of the story that you’ll never have a connection that deep with another person. There’s someone out there and just because it's not here doesn't mean it'll never get here. The universe works in mysterious ways.
If a relationship ends and you’re struggling to let go, change the meaning you assigned the relationship. It was easier for me to let him go once I let go of the meaning that he was sent from up above.
Letting go of the meaning is key to letting go of the attachment, the addiction, and the person. Once you let go of the meaning, everything about the person changes. Without a meaning, there’s often nothing to hold on to.
Read further:
📖 It Takes a Stronger Person to Leave. 📖 I Love You But I’m Not Chasing You. 📖 The Quickest Way to Get Over Your Ex. 📖 Don’t Curse Your Karmic Relationship. 📖 How to Break A Soul Tie and Restore Your Soul.
