Enough is enough
The Quickest Way to Get Over Your Ex
Stop thinking about the good old days
When it comes to exes who were bad on your mental and emotional health, it’s okay to think about the bad and the negative because reminiscing on the good old days keeps you stuck.
If you’ve recently been through a breakup and searched online for help, you will find advice like times heals all wound, spend time with friends, travel, or find a new hobby. Well, newsflash, time doesn’t heal all wounds and when it does, it leaves a scar. When you spend time with friends, they leave at the end of the day and a new hobby? Sure, I can start painting, but what about when I put that palette away and lay the brush down? It works when you are busy, but what happens when you aren't? You are left with your thoughts and the thought of your ex comes creeping back.
All of those things work for 15 minutes, but it doesn’t last long. Here’s what actually worked for me when I was struggling to move on with my life: The thoughts of all the things that were wrong. My ex lied at the start of our relationship. One afternoon, I went over to his place and I saw him smoking a cigarette. I knew I didn’t want to date a man who smoked, so I immediately asked him about it and he said, “I don’t really smoke. I can stop smoking whenever I want to.” I was 22 and naïve. I believed it.
Three years later, when I was already too involved, he was still smoking every single day and struggling to quit. I tried to help him quit. I got him nicotine gums and patches and provided the emotional support he needed, but he couldn’t quit. He was already addicted. If you know someone who smokes cigarettes, then you know about the lingering smell of the smoke and the nasty cigarette breath.
Smoking cigarettes wasn’t the reason I left him, but it helped me move on when I was struggling to. He is a great father. I kept thinking of the positive things and the great times we had together. Thinking of the good times made moving on almost impossible.
I woke up one day and decided enough is enough. I intentionally broke my thinking pattern and started thinking of all the unpleasant experiences. The lies. The addiction. The cigarette breath. The lingering smell of cigarettes in the car and other things. Those thoughts fueled my passion to get him off my mind once and for all. I didn’t want any of that back, so why lay in bed all day crying over something I didn’t want back?
Getting over a breakup is a lot like quitting smoking. When a person gives up a habit like smoking, the first few days, weeks, and sometimes months are the hardest. One of the biggest problems with getting over a habit/person is the people, places, and things we associate with the habit/person.
A smoker might correlate a person, a place, time of day, or something else with smoking. When he/she sees any of these things, they feel like having a cigarette and if they can't have one, there's withdrawal, which isn't pretty. These types of feelings are exactly what happens to someone who is going through a breakup. People, places, and things will remind you of your ex opening up old wounds.
What you do when you are met with such things determines whether you stay in the bed all day or you get out of it. To get over someone, you must change your thinking pattern and stop remembering the old days. If you had to leave someone or even if they left you, there were things that weren’t working in the relationship. Focus on those things.
It’s normal to think of the good old days after a breakup, but that doesn’t help you move on. When you keeping think of the positive things, and you aren’t over them, you make yourself sad. When you think of all the messed up things they did or the ways in which the relationship wasn't working, you get angry, and it’s better to be mad than sad. When you’re sad, you keep laying on the couch bed. When you are mad, you get the hell up and you make a change!
Break that thinking pattern. Remember the awful ways they talked to you. Remember the nights you laid in bed at night waiting on them while they were out doing God knows what. If they abused you physically, remember those days. Remember how lazy they were and wouldn’t do anything to help around the house. Remember when they promised they stop drinking, got drunk, and passed out on the floor. Remember when they called you names. Remember their nasty little habits.
Do you want any of that back? I don’t!
