The 7 Habits of Highly Authentic People

#4: They ask for help.

“I’ve learned that there is no better way to invite more grace, gratitude, and joy into our lives than by mindfully practicing authenticity.”

— Brené Brown

Authentic people inspire and prosper.

They are the ones we look up to, the ones we like to have as our friends, and the ones you can trust. With an authentic person, you know what you’ll get and who they are — and that’s why they’re held in such high regard.

Not only that, but psychological research shows authentic people are more satisfied with their lives.

If you think about it, the reasons are pretty obvious.

• Authentic people follow their own path, whatever it may be. They do what comes naturally to them, follow their calling, and become good at it. You attract what you exude, and by being themselves, authentic people attract what’s a good match for them.
• Authentic people are more able to withstand pressures from other people. They have a clear and strong sense of self and can be themselves, instead of what other people want them to be.
• They’re able to build deeper and more meaningful connections with others. Authentic people seek out relationships in which they can be themselves, and people value them for who they are, not for who they want them to be.

Being authentic means to be genuine and real instead of a copy. You know yourself, own yourself, and are yourself.

But what makes people authentic? What do authentic people do on a day-to-day basis that others don’t? And what can you do to be more authentic and become the best version of your true self as well?

#1 They Aren’t Chameleons

Authentic people are the same person with everyone they meet, regardless of the setting. They don’t sell themselves out or act a certain way to be more likable.

That doesn’t mean they use the same language or jokes with everyone. If I talked to my mum the way I talked to my friends, shit would hit the fan pretty quickly. Or, in her words: Fecal matter would collide with the ventilator in a matter of seconds.

Social calibration and empathy become more important the more authentic you are.

Authentic people act according to the same values, principles, and ideals around everyone, regardless of who they are and the setting they’re in. They don’t compromise their morals because the other person doesn’t share them.

They don’t behave in a way that’s contradictive to their values for some personal gain. Instead, they strive to be the best version of their true selves and express their honest beliefs and nature.

Speaking of values…

#2 They Have Integrity

Integrity means being honest and having strong moral principles, and that’s exactly what authentic people do.

They have made up their mind about what they want to believe, which principles they want to live by, and they stick by their word.

Their integrity is the main reason they’re respected and admired by others. Everybody wants someone they can trust and whose words they can take at face value.

Inauthentic people are won’t-people. Authentic people are will-people.

The inauthentic salesman says he’ll refund you no questions asked, but he won’t. The authentic one will.

Your inauthentic date says she’ll call you, but she won’t. The authentic one will.

Your inauthentic friend assures you he’ll help you out, but he won’t. The authentic one will.

Authentic people give their honest opinion if asked. And before they promise something, they think about whether it’s in line with their principles or not, and then stick to their word.

#3 They Don’t Fear Rejection & Judgment

Authentic people know who they are and aren’t afraid to show it. That means they are often judged and rejected by others.

But they also know rejection is good and necessary and they don’t worry about what others might think of them.

They hold firm beliefs and opinions and aren’t afraid to express them, even if it means they clash with others’ views.

Authentic people know that rejection and judgment are part of the game. As the saying goes “if everyone likes you, you’re doing something wrong.”

Every time you voice your opinion or tell someone how you feel about something, you open yourself up to rejection and judgment. You make yourself vulnerable. And vulnerability is a key ingredient to being authentic.

#4 They Ask for Help

I know you’d like to be independent and capable of taking care of everything without much effort. I get you. I too want to be free and independent and able to solve all my problems on my own, but I can’t.

And you can’t, either. As much as you’d like to, you won’t be able to live life on your own. Every now and then, you’ll have to ask for support. Or at least, you’ll make it much easier for yourself if you do.

Authentic people know their limits and are honest about them. They don’t let their ego take over and pretend they’re stronger than they are. They aren’t afraid to make themselves vulnerable and ask for help, which is a feat of courage and strength in itself.

And because they aren’t afraid to ask for help and accept it, they go places. They overcome obstacles, conquer fears, get promoted, and advance in life because they accept their shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist.

#5 They Embrace Their Emotions

Authentic people are emotionally intelligent. They know what they feel, why they feel it, and how to respond to it in the best way.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of, understand, express, and reflect on your emotions. It helps you to manage what you feel and make better decisions.

Authentic people embrace their emotions instead of ignoring or suppressing them. They understand they are valuable feedback that helps them live a better life and aren’t afraid of dealing with negative ones like anger, grief, and pain.

Nobody is more inauthentic than the one who isn’t honest with himself. And if you deny your emotions, you lie to yourself on the most basic level there is.

#6 They Learn from Their Mistakes & Strive to Improve

Not caring about others and doing your own thing can quickly lead you onto the highway to asshole village if you’re not aware of your mistakes and learn from them.

Being authentic means you’ll often clash with people who don’t share your views. They’ll let you know if you’re as cool as you think.

Just like a stone in a riverbed is ground into a smoother shape over time by clashing with other stones, authentic people constantly work on their corners and edges.

Authentic people always strive to improve. If you show your true self to everyone, you better make sure you’re the best version you can be.

#7 They Say No a Lot

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

— Warren Buffet

Saying yes to the things you want to do and that make your life better means saying no to the ones that don’t.

Authentic people have a very clear definition of the events, pursuits, activities, and people conducive to their lives and they aren’t afraid to reject the ones that don’t fit the description.

You’re often afraid to say no. You fear missing out, letting someone down, or looking like a bore. What authentic people understand is that saying no is one of the most fundamental and crucial parts of life.

If your family is important to you and you want to spend time with them, you have to say no to your coworker’s barbecue.

If you want fulfilling work that gives you purpose, you have to turn down the dead-end jobs.

If you want to have a great partner and healthy romantic relationship, you have to say no to the flings who don’t hit the spot.

If you want to live an authentic life, you have to say no more often.

The Formula for Authentic Living

The seven habits of authentic people can be summed up in a simple formula.

Know yourself + Own yourself + Be yourself = Authentic life

Know yourself

To represent your true nature, values, desires, and beliefs, you first have to know yourself. You need to face the truth about yourself, whether it’s pleasant or not. This requires awareness, asking questions, curiosity, openness, and radical honesty with yourself.

You need to know what you think and why. You need to have firm beliefs but at the same time be open to change and improvement.

Own yourself

When you’re authentic and do your own thing, you have to take responsibility for your choices. You get to reap the fruit of your efforts, but you also have to own up to your mistakes.

You’re your own boss, but with great power comes great responsibility.

Be yourself

Finally, if you’re authentic, you say what you mean and mean what you say. That’s why people admire you and like to spend time with you — they know they’ll get the real deal.

It requires you to be open, honest, and transparent with others. At the same time, you have to know that not every discussion is worth your time. Every now and then, you have to agree to disagree and walk away.

Being authentic isn’t a one-time decision. It’s a way of living, and the way you live is determined by your everyday actions. If you want to live a more authentic and satisfying life that’s true to yourself, you have to do what authentic people do.

Being your authentic self means going for what you want and rejecting what you don’t. Paradoxically, the more you reject, the more you end up with:

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