To Be Everywhere Is to Be Nowhere

The more you want, the less you’ll have.

“To be everywhere is to be nowhere.”

— Seneca

A couple of days ago, I burned my hand with sizzling hot oil while cooking. I had chopped up some Zucchinis and then chucked them into the hot frying pan thoughtlessly, causing the oil to splash all over the back of my hand.

I cursed, dropped everything, and held my hand under running tap water. The doctor I live with says you have about a second after the burn to cool it, and I wondered if I made it in time.

I could’ve just forgotten the event. It wasn’t the first time I burned myself while cooking and it won’t be the last either.

But when I looked at the burn marks a couple of days later, I realized that this little incident was just an example of a much larger issue.

Just as I was acting without care, we all tend to get distracted by our own thoughts and trail off.

It happens all the time. You imagine being somewhere else, with another person, doing something different. This manifests in low attention spans, wanderlust, and fear of commitment.

When you’re in a meeting, you dream of your next vacation.

When you’re cooking, you think of the date you’ve got later.

When you’re on a date, you ponder if one of your other tinder matches might be a better fit.

When you’re talking to someone, you think of the new series you started yesterday.

When you’re asked to go to a party, you hesitate because your mood might change and you might want to spend your weekend doing something else.

Altogether, this is nothing new. Seneca, an OG of Stoic philosophy and one of the busiest and most successful people of ancient Rome, already addressed this issue more than 2000 years ago. People got lost in thought back in the day, tended to trail off, and tried to do everything and be everywhere instead of focusing on one activity or place.

We humans have always had that tendency, but in today’s world, the internet has added gasoline to the fire. Being somewhere else became as easy as watching the Instagram story of your friend who’s living his #dreamlife while on #vacation.

But why is it so hard for you to focus on one thing, one place, or one person?

FOMOs Little Brother

It looks like it all comes down to FOMO — the Fear Of Missing Out.

When you are somewhere, you’re afraid you might miss out on a better place.

When you have fun at one activity, you’re afraid you might miss out on something that’s even more fun.

When your friend invites you to a party but you’ve got other plans, you’re afraid you might miss out on a great night.

Look, I get it. You don’t have much free time and you want to spend it in the best way possible. Social media and advertisements tell you that no matter what you do, there is always something bigger, better, and shinier around the corner.

While FOMO itself can already cause a bunch of issues, most forget about its less famous little brother — MOBOFOMO.

MOBOFOMO, or Missing Out Because Of the Fear of Missing Out, is the modern version of Seneca’s 2000-year-old wisdom.

He’s active in the shade, pulling the strings without anyone noticing.

When you spread your attention because you don’t want to miss out on something, you miss out on this very moment.

Every time you pull out your phone in a conversation, you miss the subtle cues your partner shares and the emotions they want to convey. Instead of getting enthralled by their story and picking up on its meaning, you hit them with a generic oh wow and go back to your own train of thought.

Every time you dream about being somewhere else, you miss the beauty of where you are right now. Instead of appreciating the charm of what is around you and the amenities your environment brings, you think I’d much rather be on a beach instead.

I understand your desires. Sometimes, the current moment isn’t all that great. I too have been in meetings so boring they could make a therapist commit suicide.

There is so much going on outside. You want to live. You don’t want to miss out on all the fun. Most of the time, you don’t even notice that you zone out.

Look, there is nothing wrong with a little dreaming or keeping your options open. You have to look around, travel, dream, and explore a lot of different paths to see what life has to offer.

But occasionally, you do it solely to distract yourself from what is going on right now.

As a result, your mind becomes aimless, your location changes all the time, and by keeping all the doors open, you’ll forever live in the hallway.

You try to be everywhere but end up nowhere.

You have it all but at the same time, you have nothing.

With it comes inevitable purposelessness, a sense of non-belonging, and a lack of a clear identity.

You are everything but nothing and no one at the same time.

There Is Beauty in Every Moment — You Just Have to Look

“There is no waiting. Live in the moment.”

A friend of mine said these words to me when we were in line for food at a festival and I complained about the long wait.

They’re profound, but they’ve changed my life forever. When I wait for something, instead of pulling out my phone, I remind myself of his words and look around me.

Explore instead of just glancing at things.

The people around you — what do they wear? What might be their story? Do they have funny quirks?

The tree on the other side of the street — what does it look like? Why did it grow the way it did? Are birds nesting in it?

The boring conversation you found yourself in — how did you get there? Why does the other person talk about this topic? Can you try to pick up on it and steer it towards something that’s more enjoyable instead of trailing off?

The traffic jam you’re stuck in — don’t worry about being late, you have no control over it anyway. Can you make the most out of it by taking a break from your hectic day and calming down? Can you use the time to listen to a podcast or reflect on yourself? Can you look at all the other drivers being desperate and angry, and realize that no matter, if you throw a tantrum or are happy as a clam, both of you, will have to wait until the cars in front of you start moving again?

You can find beauty in every moment. Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes it’s hidden. Sometimes you’d still like to be somewhere else or engage in another activity.

But you can’t — you’re stuck in this moment, so you might as well try to not miss out on the beauty it brings, however small it may be.

Change Begins with a Single Tiny Step

The good thing is, you can change if you want to. You can refocus and be more present. You can seize the moment and discover its beauty. You can find purpose and happiness in what you do. You can conquer your FOMO and no longer fear what you might miss out on, but instead experience what you’re actually missing out on.

You can change. Every change starts with a single step and you can take that step right now.

All you need is a little reminder. A little something to give you a heads up and say Hey buddy, stop dreaming for a second and look at the beauty of this very moment.

To remind me, I wrote down Now & Here on my hand. You can do that too. Put the words on the lock screen of your phone so you look at them when you pull it out to distract yourself. Stick a little note in your wallet or pocket.

Do it right now. Don’t wait until life sends you a painful reminder in the form of burn marks on your hand or wake up one day to realize you’ve been living in your own head, chasing a dream you’ll never catch.

Don’t be everywhere, but somewhere.

Commit to the current moment.

Be now and here.

Once you have pulled yourself away from all the distractions and are in the moment, you are free to design your dream life.

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