9 Practical Stoic Lessons That Put You in Charge of Your Life

They might not be what you want to hear, but they might just be what you need.

I have never been into philosophy that much. Sure, Alan Watts’s speeches are inspiring and Confucius’s words are filled with wisdom. But whatever philosophic texts I read, they always seemed to contain a lot of theoretical “yadda yadda” and not much practical value. That was until I discovered Stoic philosophy.

New York Times bestselling author, Ryan Holiday, calls it “the most practical of all philosophies” — and I can’t help but agree with him.

After the Stoic school of philosophy was founded by Zeno of Citium in the 3rd century BC, its lessons have been developed and written down not by full-time philosophers without much connection to the real world, but by a wild mix of more or less ordinary folks. Poets and soldiers, emperors and slaves, politicians and teachers all have contributed their very practical thoughts.

So what do all of these people have in common? Most of them were not philosophers in the first place, but rather men of action. Marcus Aurelius was the emperor of the biggest empire ever known to mankind. Cato an influential politician defending the Roman republic until his death. Epictetus was a former slave.

This is why I find Stoicism so appealing — it is not a collection of empty words and inspiring talks about the way of the universe. Rather, it encourages you to not rely on external events, but focus on the control you have over yourself and your mind to achieve virtue and happiness.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb, former options trader and New York Times bestselling author, defines a Stoic person as someone who “transforms fear into prudence, pain into transformation, mistakes into initiation, and desire into undertaking.”

To me, leveraging the power of my mind and becoming such a person are very real and desirable goals for my life. This is why I want to introduce you to my 9 favorite Stoic lessons, getting there one step at a time.

The Beauty of Stoic Texts

Stoic writings are not necessarily sexy. They aren’t cool one or two sentence quotes that you hang up on your fridge (shoutout to you, don’t dream your life but live your dreams). Instead, they require some work and thinking on your part, especially due to the sometimes dowdy language (don’t fret, I did the leg work for you here). They aren’t meant as a quick fix to make you feel better in the short run, but rather as a life manual for long-term fulfillment.

They are practical guiding principles for living a fulfilled life, being a good human and achieving happiness.

Read them, live by them, day after day — and see your life unfold in front of yourself in a way that you couldn’t have imagined.

What is under your control?

“Some things are in our control, while others are not. We control our opinion, choice, desire, aversion, and, in a word, everything of our own doing. We don’t control our body, property, reputation, position, and, in a word, everything not of our own doing.”

— Epictetus

This lesson of Epictetus is one he had to learn himself the hard way. He spent a large part of his life as a slave, being confronted with the very real limitations of what he has control about day after day.

One of the most important pillars of his philosophy is this very distinction — distinguishing between what is in your control and what is not.

The only thing we have total control over is our mind. Our body can wither or be tortured, our reputation can be torn to shreds and our jobs can fall victim to an economic recession. There exists a myriad of external events that we do not have one iota of control over. And therefore, there is no point in working yourself to the ground about these things.

What we control, however, is our mind. And that encompasses our opinions, attitudes, and reactions to these external events. Whatever happens, you decide how you react to it. Will a meeting at work that didn’t go as planned tear you down, or is it an opportunity for learning? Will a rainy day kill your mood or can you lean back, accept the weather as it is and make the best of it?

Epictetus was a slave. His body was literally the property of someone else and he had very little control about what happened to him. If he could keep his sanity and stay in control of his own mind, opinions, attitudes, and reactions — then you can do so, too.

To be angry is to be weak

“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on — it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and humility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance- unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”

— Marcus Aurelius

Go back to the soccer world championship finale in 2006, with millions of people all over the globe watching Italy and France play for the title. The star of the French team, Zinedine Zidane, let himself be carried away to head-butt Italian defender Materazzi after being provoked by him. It resulted in a red card and an inglorious farewell of someone who otherwise would have been forever remembered as one of the gods of soccer in France.

Anger neither is a display of strength nor is it impressive. In fact, it’s the other way round. It’s giving in to something. It shows weakness, a lack of control over yourself and it also knocks you off your game.

If people see that they cannot beat you by conventional means, they will try to provoke you until you go Zidane on them.

But if you want to showcase true strength, show that you can control your emotions, rather than be controlled by them.

How to live a happy and fulfilled life

“In your actions, don’t procrastinate. In your conversations, don’t confuse. In your thoughts, don’t wander. In your soul, don’t be passive or aggressive. In your life, don’t be all about business.”

— Marcus Aurelius

I know that I said that these aren’t the type of quotes that look sexy on your fridge door or vision board, but no rule without an exception, eh?

Within these three lines, you have everything you need for living a fulfilled and happy life.

In your actions, don’t procrastinate. Do what you can do now, even if it is just a small step.

In your conversations, don’t confuse. Speak your mind — freely, honestly and with empathy for your vis-à-vis. No beating around the bush.

In your thoughts, don’t wander. Sure, daydreaming is fun and there are a time and a place for it. But if there is something important going on, focus. Don’t let your thoughts trail off. Be present, be there, and stay with the issue at hand.

In your soul, don’t be passive or aggressive. Instead, go for what you want and keep your mind calm and free from anger.

How to deal with haters

“What if someone despises me? Let them see to it. But I will see to it that I won’t be found doing or saying anything contemptible. What if someone hates me? Let them see to that. But I will see to it that I’m kind and good-natured to all, and prepared to show even the hater where they went wrong. Not in a critical way, or to show off my patience, but genuinely and usefully.”

— Marcus Aurelius

To quote Ryan Holiday, author of The Daily Stoic: “When someone has a strong opinion about something, it usually says more about them than whatever or whomever the opinion happens to be about.”

Now, how to deal with a hater? Stoic philosophy teaches us to always distinguish between what is in our control and what is not. This guiding principle also applies here.

It is within your control to show a hater calmly where they are wrong — without giving up your principles or abandoning the person you want to be.

However, their opinion and their actions are not within your control.

If you can’t convince the other person to let go of their hateful opinion, let it be. You have enough on your plate already. Instead, use your energy to see to yourself.

To own the future, you must learn from the past

“I will keep constant watch over myself and — most usefully — put each day up for review. For this is what makes us evil — that none of us looks back upon our own lives. We reflect upon only that which we are about to do. And yet our plans for the future descend from our past.”

— Seneca

With these words, Seneca teaches us the importance of regular reflection. Without it, we don’t learn from the lessons of the past. This does not mean that you should dwell on your past mistakes, but rather that you should extract lessons for the present and the future from them.

To do so, I am keeping a journal. Every night, I write down my thoughts — ranging from what I am grateful for over interesting quotes I stumbled upon to my deepest concerns. Every night, I learn my lessons. And if you don’t want to make the same mistakes twice, you also should strive to learn from them the first time.

It’s not bad, but you’re making it bad for yourself

“How much more harmful are the consequences of anger and grief than the circumstances that aroused them in us.”

— Marcus Aurelius

What is the first thing you should do when you find yourself in a messed up situation? Cry? Make a battle plan? Find a culprit? No. The first thing you should do is to control your emotional reaction and stop getting upset or panicking. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Again, external events are largely outside of our control. How we react to them, however, is in our control. Often what makes a situation bad and scary is not the situation itself, but our interpretation of it. Want to see this principle in action? When little kids fall down and scrape their knees, the first thing they usually do is to look at their parents. Laugh at their clumsiness and help them up, they will laugh. React with panic and scream, they will cry.

Marcus Aurelius was the emperor of the largest empire the world has ever seen. I bet you that he found himself in a lot of messy life-or-death situations. If someone like him says that most things weren’t nearly as bad as they seem if we just stopped seeing them that way, I listen. And you should too.

Worries are a waste of time

“It’s ruinous for the soul to be anxious about the future and miserable in advance of misery, engulfed by anxiety that the things it desires might remain its own until the very end. For such a soul will never be at rest — by longing for things to come it will lose the ability to enjoy present things.”

— Seneca

Do you know the creeping feeling of foreboding that you have when you expect bad news? The dark cloud on the horizon of an otherwise sunny day that doesn’t go away? Your worries about what is to come cast dark shadows over what is happening right now.

Seneca teaches us an important lesson here — that if you worry about the future, you won’t be able to fully enjoy the present. Sure, you might have a bad feeling about your last job interview and expect a refusal, but worrying about it will not make the situation better at all. In fact, it is only going to make it worse.

There is nothing to gain from your worries.

In the worst-case scenario, what you were worrying about becomes true. But did you gain anything from it, except being miserable in advance? No. There is plenty of time to feel beaten down and sulk when shit hits the fan, so don’t waste any of it beforehand.

In the best-case scenario, well, you chose to be miserable without any reason at all. These are the kind of situations in which you want to smack yourself on the forehead for worrying so much without any good reason. Don’t be too hard on yourself though, we’ve all been there.

So how do you keep yourself from worrying? How do you ban the bad thoughts that keep popping up in your head? Stay busy. Focus on the present. When you are busy giving your very best in the present, you don’t have time to worry about the worst the future might bring.

Is this really worth it?

“It’s essential for you to remember that the attention you give to any action should be in due proportion to its worth, for then you won’t tire and give up, if you aren’t busying yourself with lesser things beyond what should be allowed.”

— Marcus Aurelius

This is productivity hacking 101. The more important something is and the greater its payoff and value, the more energy you should put into it and vice versa.

It’s so easy to get lost in the small things and the thousands of attention traps we encounter every day. People asking us for favors, 2-for-1 deals at the shopping center, buzzing smartphones and about two bazillion daily newsletters.

It’s easy to give in. It’s easy to get distracted. So how do you keep the ball at your feet? By using the only tool that is guaranteed to be under your control and your control only: your mind.

You have limited control about the events that occur in your life — mails, people and phone calls will turn up randomly.

But you, and only you, decide what you are going to pay attention to. You decide what is important to you. You have this power, make use of it. Say no if something isn’t worth your time. Say yes if it is.

Being wealthy is a two-way street

“No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.”

— Seneca

During my travels, I spent a good amount of time in some of the poorer areas of this world, like parts of Southeast Asia. Do you know what baffled me most (apart from the amount of hot chili you can eat in a single meal without suffering a cardiac arrest)? How little some people have and how happy they are with it. And how we go about our lives with our five- or six-figure jobs, 401k’s and Mercedes cars, but still want more.

There is this common notion of money, wealth and financial freedom that if you had just a little more, you’d be happy. Just a little bit more and I can afford this TV. Just a little bit more and I can buy my dream car. Just a little bit more and I can finally afford the sneakers I have been thinking about for the last six months. Just a little bit more money and all my problems will be solved.

There are two sides to the wealth-equation. The haves and the wants. To achieve balance and feel wealthy, you have two options. Ramp up what you have (aka make more shekels and buy more stuff) or turn down what you want (aka be happy without the latest flat-screen TV).

Do you want to always chase more and more to feel wealthy? Or are you willing to take the road less traveled and want less instead?

It’s your decision. Your mind is under your control.

How do you walk 10,000 miles? Step by step

If you have made it until here, congratulations. You are at least a couple of steps closer to harnessing the full potential of your mind.

I am sure that by now you have noticed that Stoic philosophy is different. It might not be the prettiest, most inspiring or easiest to read. But if you want to regain control over your own mind, emotions, and life, it definitely is the most useful and practical.

All that’s left to do now is to apply this wisdom in your daily life. One awesome way to do so is by getting one of my Top 10 books of 2019, The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. Every day, the book offers you a different quote of a famous Stoic, along with an interpretation and explanation of how to apply this wisdom to your daily life.

This way, day by day, step by step, you’ll become more of a person who “transforms fear into prudence, pain into transformation, mistakes into initiation and desire into undertaking.”

Develop unshakable masculine confidence with these five proven habits.