How One Simple Stoic Principle Can Help You to Combat Worry
The single most life-changing lesson I’ve learned from studying Stoicism for a year.
I bet that right now, you’ve got a bunch of problems. It’s too cold. Coronavirus is spreading panic. Toilet paper is sold out. Your crush doesn’t text you back. Your bank account is running low. Your dog pooped on the carpet or chewed through your shoes. Heck, maybe he did both.
Phew. That’s quite a bit.
Life can be unpredictable — one moment everything is smooth sailing and a blink of an eye later, boom, everything comes crashing down on you. Before you even realize it, you’re standing in front of a mountain of problems — without a shovel to move them out of the way or climbing gear to get over them.
The worst thing is that these problems aren’t only bad by themselves but that the interplay between them adds gasoline to the fire. It’s already terrible when your bank account turns from plus to minus. But if you add the fact that your washing machine just broke down, oof. That can really ruin your day.
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to push a reset button and eliminate half of the problems that worry you? Wouldn’t it be great to not be tossed around by life anymore but instead take charge of it?
For sure, it would be. The million-dollar question is: How do you do that?
The Keystone of Stoic philosophy
I have been reading Stoic philosophy for over a year now. I’ve read a ton of books, articles, and newsletters on the subject. I find its lessons and thoughts so practical and life-changing that I collected the most important things they teach you and put them together in a post.
But today, we are not only going to look at its most life-changing lessons but rather at the most life-changing lesson.
Ready?
Focus on what you can control. Don’t waste your time and energy on what you can’t.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you get rid of most problems in your life and focus on solving the rest of them.
Let me explain. A lot of the things that people worry about are out of their control. The weather. Traffic. Terrorists blowing you up. Closed borders and quarantines because of a global pandemic. The fact that you burned dinner.
Worrying about these things is a waste of time and energy. It won’t help you at all. It won’t change a single thing.
Instead, you should ask yourself one simple question: What is within my control?
- You can’t control the weather. But you can control how you dress or if you have a backup plan in case it rains.
- You can’t control traffic. But you can control if you leave early or take an audiobook with you to make use of the time.
- You can’t control terrorists. But you can control if the possibility of a bombing has you live your life in fear or appreciate it more.
- You can’t control a global pandemic. But you can control if you wash your hands, stay away from grandma and make use of the extra time while the clubs and bars are closed.
- You can’t control that you burned dinner — there is no way of turning that lump of coal back into the Zucchini it once was. But you can control if you learn from it and set an alarm for the oven next time. You can control if you let it ruin your evening or take the opportunity and try the Indian takeaway you always wanted to go for.
Focusing on what you can control instead of what you can’t will make your life a lot better for a number of reasons.
- First, you’ll have fewer problems and worries. That’s a real no-brainer, but so is not racking your brain about things you have no control over either. Still, people are doing it. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t worry at all. I’m just saying you should worry about the right things.
- Second, when you stop spending your time and energy on things you can’t control, you refocus them on what you can. Think about how many resources we put into worrying and angering ourselves about things we can’t control. Do you have even the slightest idea about how much you could achieve if you redirect this energy to something that you are actually in charge of? When Elon Musk visited Russian officials to negotiate about purchasing rockets from them for what would later be the SpaceX project, he was turned down rather quickly. Now, he could’ve complained about how SpaceX would’ve been the best thing ever if only the Russians sold him some rockets (which was out of his control). Instead, he sat down on the flight back and wrote up a plan for building these rockets with his own company (which was within his control). Good job Elon, you’re thinking like a true stoic.
How to Shift Your Mindset
Most smart advice has the same problem. It’s easier said than done. This one is no exception, which is why I want to give you some easy and actionable tips on how to follow through.
The next time you are faced with a problem, before you start complaining, getting angry, and worrying, ask yourself the following question:
What can I control here?
Then, focus on what is in your control and forget about what isn’t. This allows you to act more rationally and experience inner calm, while at the same time making the best use of your time and energy.
It will, of course, take some time to unlearn your old patterns — they have been there all your life, after all. When an issue comes up, often the last thing you do is to take a deep breath and think about it rationally. But there’s an easy trick to help you out in the beginning so you can quickly turn this behaviour into a habit. It will save you tons of stress down the line.
When something goes wrong, we often look at our hands. Either because we are using them to fix the issue (like a broken washing machine), or to flail them around angrily or we massage our temples and rub our eyes to alleviate stress.
Take a pen and write control on the back of one of your hands, where you can see it. If you want to be more incognito, a little sign will do as well. When you face a problem, this will remind you to not mindlessly give in to your thoughts, but ask yourself What can I control here? first.
You Are Always in Charge of Your Own Mind
You will never get rid of all your problems, at least not in the long run. The human mind is hardwired to always look for issues to solve and things to improve.
But what you can do is to focus on the problems you actually have control over, not the ones you can’t do anything about and that you will only work yourself into the ground about. There’s a myriad of things you aren’t in charge of and you just have to let them be.
What you are in charge of, however, is your own mind. You can decide what you put your time and attention to. So focus on what you can control.
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