6 Easy Ways to Stop Worrying About What Others Might Think of You

Nobody cares. And even if they do, why should you care?

I used to be like you. I used to worry about what other people thought of me. I held myself back trying to not rub anyone the wrong way. I was constantly walking on eggshells. A weird mixture of being too polite, afraid of embarrassing myself, and what I now can only describe as a need for approval got me to worry about what people around me thought of the guy with the weird haircut and questionable taste in music.

That was until I discovered a simple, but life-changing fact: Nobody cares about you.

Okay, maybe not nobody. I bet that for most of you, your parents and close friends do care about you.

But all the other people you worry about? All the strangers that you think give you weird looks or think you’re awkward in conversations? Unless you run over their dog with a lawnmower or find other ways to disturb their peace, they won’t care much about you at all.

So, if you look at it from this perspective, there really is no reason to worry.

There is only one teeny tiny little problem. You might know and understand what I said on a rational, logical level. But your brain is still going to give you 3rd order social anxiety and worries once the “what do people think of me” train has left the station.

Constantly worrying about what others might think of you will hold you back and stress you out. But if you get rid of these worries, you have moved one of the major roadblocks on the path to success, freedom, and a fulfilled life out of the way.

You know the deal. There is something you’d like to say or do — from wearing a daring outfit to quitting your job and starting your own business — but the moment you think about it, your worries kick in. What will they think of me? I can’t do that.

What’s even worse: Memories of the past. Memories of you saying something awkward, messing up with other people as witnesses, or your crush running into you the one time you left your house in your PJs. They will haunt you well into the night and often, the masochistic part of your brain decides to conjure them up right before you fall asleep. Now you’re lying there, wide awake but with a weird mix of shame, pain, and why the fuck did I do that bouncing around in your mind.

The solution to all this isn’t as simple as telling yourself that you don’t have to worry about others so much. You’ve heard that plenty of times from friends, family members, and yourself. No. What you need are some action steps that make you stop worrying about others.

1. Focus on What Matters to You

In his bestseller book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, author Mark Manson tells us that we only have a limited number of fucks to give. It’s a vulgar, yet accurate way of saying what really is a no-brainer. You only have limited time, energy, and other resources.

If you spend all on them on what matters to you, then you don’t have any left to spend on what others might think. See, your problem isn’t that you worry too much about others — it’s that you don’t worry enough about yourself and what matters to you.

I bet that there are a thousand things you’d like to change or improve in your life right now. Your career, health, relationships, passions, and all the other interests you have. Divert your focus and attention to them. When you’re totally spent after a long workday and breaking a sweat for two hours at the gym, you’re much more likely to forget about other people’s opinions.

The more energy and time you put into yourself and what matters to you, the less you have left to worry about others.

2. Remember That Most People Are Too Busy to Care

Unless you do them harm, most people don’t give a damn about you. They are too immersed in their own lives — or even busy worrying about what you might think of them.

I mean, what do you think they do once they have turned their back to you? Talk shit? Laugh about what you said? I’m going to be honest with you here: 99% won’t give a damn. If they paid that much attention to everyone they encounter on a daily basis, their head would explode. The 1% that do? Instead of worrying about what they might think you should feel sorry for them because their own life is so boring that they have to live someone else’s. Even better, don’t think about them at all.

Even if they see you doing something weird — they don’t care for long. By the time dinner comes around, they’ve already forgotten about you. That’s the one thing you always have to remember: Most people are too busy to even notice you.

3. Develop a Strong Personality and Sense of Who You Are

Most people who worry about what others might think of them do so because they are either lacking a firm personality and sense of who they are, the courage to live according to it, or both.

They worry about who they “should” be and forget that you never “should” be anyone, except yourself.

Instead, form a firm identity, goals, and a perspective for your life. Think about your values and what matters to you. The kind of person you are and the one you want to become. Then act upon it, regardless of what others might think about you.

Once you have a direction and plan for your own life, you’ll be less susceptible to the ones that other people are trying to impose on you.

4. Get Opinions & Feedback from People That Matter to You

Nobody of us can go without feedback or other’s opinions all the time. Every now and then, we feel a little bit insecure and want to know what others think — of our new outfit, business idea, haircut, or plans to adopt a dog [link].

Feedback and other opinions are important. If we only see the world through our own eyes, we are incredibly limited. But you have to ask the people that matter to you for feedback, not the ones who don’t.

If you are insecure about something, go and ask around in your circle of friends or family members. Seek out people that you can trust, that will think about the subject and give you their honest opinion without running their mouth or laughing at you.

We are social animals. You won’t be able to eliminate your need for feedback and other’s opinions. But you can get it from the few people that matter to you instead of from the thousands that don’t.

5. Live in the Moment

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

— Amit Ray

This sounds like hippie-ish advice, but it’s amongst the best you can get. When you immerse yourself in the present moment, you don’t have any mental capacity left for worries.

Smile. Get into flow state. Work hard. Stop worrying about results. Do things for the sake of doing them, not because you expect anything. Have fun.

Focus on doing things and living right now, instead of worrying about what has happened in the past or what might happen in the future.

6. You Can’t Please Everyone & Life Is Too Short to Try

Everybody is different. Wear a skimpy skirt and some will call you easy while others will admire the bravery. Express your political opinion and some will chime in while others will hate you. You can’t please everyone. And if you could, you’d have no character.

Pissing some people off every now and then is inevitable. Not only that, but it’s necessary. That’s how you find the people who will love you for who you are. You have to be yourself and some are going to love you, and some are going to hate you for it. That’s life.

You don’t have to be admired and liked by everyone. A lot of people are idiots, by definition. Do you really want to bend over backward just so some random guy who you wouldn’t even like if you had an actual conversation with him doesn’t think bad of you? Sounds like a pretty stressful life to me.

Express yourself, be who you want to be, and learn to live with adversity. It’s not the end of the world.

Where Does Your Validation Come From?

Letting go of your worries about what other people might think of you is a skill like any other. It needs practice, patience, and dedication.

But unlike swimming, chopping wood, or juggling, it is an essential skill for living a fulfilled life. Once you’ve mastered it, it’s like you rediscovered breathing. You’ll feel an amount of freedom that you have never felt before.

Worrying about other’s opinions too much will hold you back in your professional and personal development. It will keep you from achieving your dreams because of your fear of what might happen.

If there’s only one thing you take from this piece, let it be this. To hell with your mights, what-ifs, and coulds. Make yourself vulnerable. Act in spite of your worries. You will be fine, I promise.

Liberate yourself. Live your life. It’s the only one you have.

If you’re still not convinced that other people are too busy with themselves and don’t care about the stunts you pull, this one will make it clear:

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