To Seize Your Life, Become Aware of What You See

Looking inside means stepping out first.

About a week ago, my roommate changed his bicycle tube. After he checked the old one for punctures, he left it on our bathtub.

After it sat there for a week and I realized it wouldn’t move on its own, I asked him why he hadn’t thrown it away. His answer? “Sorry, I didn’t see it.” Despite him taking a daily shower in that white bathtub, he didn’t see the black bicycle tube on it.

In Buddhism, the mind is often pictured as a waterfall. An endless stream of thoughts, events, and decisions come raining down, all day, every day.

If you stand amidst the waterfall, it’s loud, wet, and overwhelming. All you see and feel are tons of water, and it’s impossible to look at little individual droplets or streams.

But behind every waterfall, there is a hollow space you can step into. And from there, you can observe what happens in your mind without being distracted by it.

Your daily life can get hectic. Tons of water come down. If you stand amidst it, it’s hard to notice what’s actually going on. It’s hard to become conscious of your own individual thoughts — or the fact that there is a big black bicycle tube on top of a white and shiny bathtub.

Stepping out of the loud, overwhelming stream is the first step you need to take. It’s what Buddhists call mindfulness or awareness, and it’s the keystone to understanding and working on yourself and your life.

As management guru Peter Drucker said, “You can’t manage what you can’t measure.” And to measure the waterfall, you first have to step out of it.

Recognize What You See

Awareness and mindfulness both come down to the same core. Observation without judgment.

Without being aware of something, you can’t do anything about it.

Have you ever been bothered by something but couldn’t pinpoint the exact issue? Do you sometimes feel whacky after getting up in the morning without knowing why? Have you been in a bad mood after talking to your friend even though everything went well? Do you sometimes feel happy even though you have everything you think you want?

There is always a reason. But to see it, you have to step out of the waterfall. You need to become aware of what exactly is going on within and around you.

It’s the difference between recognizing and seeing. When you stand in the waterfall, you see all the water but it’s impossible to recognize individual droplets and streams.

Without awareness, without stepping out of the waterfall, you can’t take charge of your life. You live on autopilot. If you’re on a ship in the middle of the ocean and don’t know where you are, there is no point in hoisting your sail. Only if you decide to take a look at your GPS you can determine where you are and where you want to go to. You can actively live instead of passively exist.

Do you want to be in charge of your life or get tossed around by it? If you want to be in charge, awareness is the place to start. It’s the keystone to understanding yourself, your life, and even others.

If you’re self-aware, you understand your personality, your thoughts and beliefs, your emotions, and your motivations.

And only then can you take meaningful and productive control of your actions instead of randomly taking shots in the dark.

How to Step out of the Waterfall

Alright, so you want to become aware of your thoughts, emotions, and personality. You want to understand who you are. But how?

There are a few things you can do.

Draw a life timeline

This is going to sound a little dumb, but it’s one of the most eye-opening exercises you can do.

Take a sheet of paper and draw a timeline of your life. Starting with your birth, take about half an hour to mark all the significant events in your life and how they impacted you — positive or negative.

It helps you to put things in perspective, connect the dots, and realize how everything came together and shaped you as the person you are. You’ll become more self-aware and understand a lot more of what’s going on between your ears.

Meditation

I know, you’ve heard it a hundred times. That’s because it works. Look, awareness meditation is simple. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. If any thoughts arise, acknowledge them and go back to concentrating on your breath.

The point of the exercise is to observe without judgment. It’s literally as simple as noticing how you feel at that moment. Over time, you will learn to listen to the cues of your mind and body, and you’ll gain the ability to do so during your daily life.

You can do as little as five minutes a day. But do it consistently and make it a habit. After a month, you’ll see the results.

Write about yourself

Have you ever had an idea or thought make total sense in your head, but as soon as you told it to someone, it sounded absolutely ridiculous? That’s because, in your mind, you often don’t think things through.

Whether it comes to business ideas or understanding your own emotions, writing down your thoughts will make things clearer. Of course, you could also talk to someone, but paper has a number of advantages over human listeners. It’s patient, doesn’t talk back and interrupt your train of thought, doesn’t judge or laugh, and it’s there whenever you need it, even at 4 am.

You don’t have to write a full novel every day — taking five minutes to ask yourself five questions is more than enough for starters and a great way to become more self-aware.

Reflect on your emotions

What most people do when they feel a certain way is exactly that — they feel. They don’t stop to ask why they feel that way.

Emotions are very powerful feedback mechanisms and can tell us a lot about ourselves — but we have to investigate.

To become more self-aware, it’s not enough to notice you feel happy or bothered by others. You have to ask yourself why. And then again, and again.

Why are you upset about Jessica? Because she didn’t text you back. Why does that bother you? Because you like her and put a lot of effort into the last date, and now she doesn’t reciprocate. And why does that bother you? Because you lowkey expected her to fall for you after the fancy dinner. Because you didn’t free yourself of the outcome.

You might not always find an answer, but you can often identify thought patterns and get a couple of steps closer to your core.

Seek out feedback about yourself

A friend of mine once went to a three-day seminar called Intensive Feedback. He spent three days with a handful of other people, and under professional supervision, they gave each other constant, intensive, and honest feedback about how they come across and behave.

He described it as incredibly strenuous, but eye-opening.

You don’t have to join a three-day seminar, but if you’re honest with yourself — when was the last time you deliberately sought out feedback about yourself?

I bet it’s been a while.

I get it. Feedback can be uncomfortable. But it’s one of the most effective ways to become more self-aware and improve yourself because it shines a light on your blind spots.

I bet you’re already aware of a few things you need to work on — but the real opportunity for growth and understanding yourself lies in the parts you can’t see.

Asking for feedback can be hard, so here’s how you can make it easier.

• Choose someone you’re close with, like a parent or best friend. Your relationship has to be intimate enough for them to not feel uncomfortable pointing out something negative.
• Start small and build your way up. Before you drop the big bombs, you need to warm up. You need to get used to being confronted with parts of yourself you were previously oblivious to and they need to see you can handle the truth.
• Accept instead of defending yourself. The point of this exercise isn’t about who’s right or to make you feel good. It’s about unearthing subjects you weren’t aware of before. Anticipate criticism, acknowledge the feedback, and say thanks. Then, reflect on their words and think about how you can address the issues.
• Last but not least: look for good and bad. Feedback doesn’t always have to be negative. Sure, you are trying to grow and become more self-aware, but that can also mean pointing out your strengths.

Get out of your comfort zone

When you leave your comfort zone, your true self shows. You don’t have the capacity to pretend to be someone you aren’t.

Try something new. Talk out an intimate issue you need to address. Learn something new. Challenge yourself. Then, watch how you react and reflect on your behavior.

When you wear sunglasses for hours, you forget they’re there. The same thing happens when you get stuck in set ways — after a while, you get used to them and become blind to your own behavior.

Break out of your usual patterns and see how you react.

Embrace time alone

In today’s world, it’s easy to distract yourself. In fact, it’s hard not to be distracted. There’s always something going on, a party to go to, a show to watch, or a newsfeed to scroll through.

True time alone becomes a rare commodity, and as such, you should embrace and cherish it.

To become more self-aware, you have to resist distractions and spend time with yourself.

Instead of pulling out your phone whenever you feel bored, take a walk in the forest, crack open a beer, sit down in the sun, and see where your thoughts will take you.

Keep Your Bathtub Clean

Day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, life happens.

Birthdays and deaths. Work and vacation. Laughing and crying. Sunshine and rain. Ups and downs. Summer and winter. Food and drink. Love and hate. The waterfall never stops running.

But to make the most out of your life, you have to step out of it and observe yourself.

That’s what self-awareness is — the capacity to observe yourself, your thought patterns, feelings, and behaviors. The capacity to recognize and understand the parts making up your own life so you can make the best out of it.

It’s not a magical pill that will fix all your problems but it’s the starting point for — well, anything really.

And at the very least, it’s a tool that can help you spot dirty bicycle tubes and keep your bathtub clean.

Are you hyped to become more mindful but meditating and other “spiritual” activities aren’t your cup of tea? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

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