Six Reasons To Wait Before Moving In Together and Why It Will Save You Time, Money and Heartache

Dating with confidence #6

Although people often think that moving in together is the next logical step in their relationship, it may not always be the sensible path.

When I was dating, I vowed I wouldn’t move in with anyone until we’d been dating for two years. I knew too many people who dived straight into co-habitation only to regret it later.

As a divorced woman with a child looking for love the second time around, I was far warier than I had been in my twenties.

I met several men that wanted to move in with a partner within three to six months. I remember one guy who was shocked I would wait for two years.

“By waiting until you’ve had a chance to learn how to effectively communicate, you can prevent many of the problems that arise from co-habitation.”

If you’re considering moving in with your partner, it’s essential to think about all of the implications first. While there are many benefits to living together, there are also some drawbacks.

Here are six reasons you might want to wait a while before moving in together:

1. Getting to know you

Dating your partner for a substantial amount of time while you live separately means you get to know them much better before committing to co-habitation.

You find out if they snore, have weird rules about lining up the cutlery in the kitchen drawer, and whether or not they are a slob.

Once some of the initial hormone-fuelled passion has worn off, you can ascertain whether you like spending extended amounts of time with them.

“A man’s earthly possessions are in one of two places — the place he left them in or the place his significant other moved them to without telling him.” ― Stewart Stafford

If your partner bores you unless you are whispering sweet nothings or having sex, you’re not going to go the distance.

Your partner can also find out about all your quirks. You don’t want to uproot yourself and move in together only to have them tell you that actually, sorry, you aren’t The One after all.

2. Red flag day

As well as learning all your partner’s quirky habits, you can spot any potential red flags while you date.

It’s considerably harder to hide addiction, lies, and toxic behavior over a long period.

Everyone can show their best self for a couple of months. It’s nearly impossible to hide it over a couple of years, especially if you spend long weekends and holidays together.

“Moving again soon because the relationship doesn’t work out will cost you money, time, and stress. Moving isn’t easy, and it’s one of the most stressful life events that we can undertake.”

You can pay close attention to how your partner treats others. Are they kind to their family and friends? Are they polite to wait staff when you go out?

Unless you already know your partner, they are still just a stranger you met online and have dated for a while. Do yourself a favor and ensure there are no red flags that could ruin your life.

3. Happy Birthday

Dating for a couple of years before you move in means you get to spend the whole yearly cycle with your partner. Twice.

You can observe how your partner deals with holidays, Christmas, birthdays, long weekends, and work events. Does your partner get stressed and angry, or are they laid back and fun to be with?

This will give you an idea of what your life will be like in the long term with your partner. For example, if you love going on holiday and traveling, but your partner always cashes up their annual leave and refuses to go anywhere, you might not be suited unless you can compromise.

The same goes for special celebrations like Christmas and birthdays. Where you spend it, how important it is, how much money you spend, and how willing you both are to socialize and celebrate.

If you move in too quickly, you could end up with someone who has very different ideas about how you spend holidays and special occasions. That doesn’t bode well for your future happiness.

4. Home sweet home

If you jump in too quickly and move in together, you are disrupting your life and your living conditions on the basis that the relationship will last.

Moving again soon because the relationship doesn’t work out will cost you money, time, and stress. Moving isn’t easy, and it’s one of the most stressful life events that we can undertake.

Waiting a couple of years before you make the leap and change your living arrangements makes sense.

You get to have a safe haven you can call your own in the meantime, and you can move in together at a time that suits you both once you know it will be long-term.

5. Money makes the world go round

People argue about money a lot. We all have different views on savings, things we splurge on and what is the most we’ll pay for a bottle of wine.

Choosing our partner has a massive influence on our future prosperity. If we choose badly, we could end up with someone who runs up debt, won’t save, and helps themselves to our credit cards.

Living separately for a couple of years gives you plenty of time to discuss money habits.

This matters more the second time around if you have savings or your own house. But I’d argue that even if you are both young and have nothing, it’s better to couple up with someone who has the same money values as you.

6. Communication is the key

Dating for longer will give you a better chance of learning how to communicate and sort out issues without one of you losing it, moving out, and ending the relationship.

After a disagreement, you can re-trench to your own place and think. Then learn how you will deal with conflict in the future.

“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”- Phyllis Diller

Couples who live together before they’re ready often find themselves in conflict because they don’t have the tools to deal with disagreements and misunderstandings.

By waiting until you’ve had a chance to learn how to effectively communicate, you can prevent many of the problems that arise from co-habitation.

It’s also less pressure on you generally. Meeting a new partner and becoming a couple is a significant change. So is moving house.

Summary

All in all, there are many reasons why you should wait a while before moving in with your partner.

If you do decide to move in together after a couple of years, you’ll be doing so from a place of strength and knowledge — rather than insecurity or uncertainty.

Two years was my limit, and it worked out for me. You must decide how long you will wait before moving in together yourself. But do take some time to consider the advantages and drawbacks of jumping in too soon.

And of course, feel free to disagree. These are my opinions based on my own observations and experiences.

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