ENTERTAINMENT, TECHNOLOGY
Scooter Braun Recreates Kanye West’s Music Using ChatGPT Just So Companies Can Feel Better Playing Good Music Without Paying an Anti-Semite
Rare intersection of wealth and morals
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People are worried that artificial intelligence (AI) will take over jobs. We just didn’t expect entertainers and artists to be affected
Kanye West took to Truth Social to angrily complain about the downsides of AI.
“Wassup my fans. It’s your boy Yeezy. I hope my video quality ain’t bad. I’m currently in a basement in Russia.
“Why am I live streaming this from Moscow? Turns out I can’t leave the city. Vladimir Putin ordered me not to as part of our conservatorship agreement.
“But anyways. I know I preached to love everyone. Even the Nazis. Even the rapists. Even my benefactor Vladimir Putin. I preached to ignore history as means to achieve enlightenment and peace.
“Now, I’m telling you to forget what I said. Imma use the past to shame Benedict Arnold Scooter Braun.
“Braun used to be my hommie, until he backstabbed me in the back. I just found out that he’s using AI create covers of HIS artists using my voice! I just found out after my good friend Nick Fuentes praised my rendition of Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself!
“This shit is as fake as my ex Kim Kardashian’s buttcheeks. I admit, it comes close to the real thing. But real G’s can see through the lies. We aint’ Ray Charles blind y’all!
“But that’s not all. Braun is using ChatGPT spinoff NoiseGPT to recreate ALL my music! And companies are now using Braun’s cheap knockoffs instead of my masterpieces! Now, Braun gets all the royalties every time some white Karen plays Can’t Tell Me Nothing on Spotify before she complains to the manager!
“So this Jew is one again gonna profit from black culture? Now you see why I hate the Jews? Not even Jonah Hill can help me see otherwise!
“Furthermore, how’s Braun gonna do business with ChatGPT? That tool is the boyfriend of my ex-wife! I thought Scooter was on MY side!
“I haven’t been betrayed this hard since Adidas dropped me for my anti-semitism! Seriously, how as Adidas not bring me back yet? I even recanted my hate and said I LOVE Jews now. Y’all have to thank Jonah Hill in 21 Jump Street for this!
“But Imma be real, I never hated the Jews in the first place. The media twisted my words. I ALWAYS loved the Jews! Why would I hate on my own black kind?
“I put Adidas on the map with luxury sneakers! I made that bitch famous! Now, those sneaker Jews are trying to steal my culture! Just like Skeeter Braun is doing with my work!”
West shook his head.
“I should have seen this coming. Skeeter tried to do the same with Taylor Swift. He tried to put her masters on the blockchain so that Swift wouldn’t replicate her work on Web 3.
“Skeeter just wants minorities to suffer while he sits back and rakes in the cash. I was fine with Skeet eating other people’s faces. But I didn’t think he’d eat MY face! Boy crossed the line! Imma go death con 3 on this Jew!
West then turned to the camera.
“Taylor Swift, if you’re watching. I wanna join forces with you. Yes, I took hostage of your MTV awards speech in 2009. Yes, I wrote Famous to slut shame you. But now, we have a common enemy. We must take down Skeeter Braun once and for all.
“I know you’re rich. Your pop was a rich stockbroker at Merrill Lynch. Your mom was a marketing executive for a mutual fund. Your grandmother was a famous opera singer. Your Midnights album tour broke TicketMaster for most sales in an hour! Meanwhile, I lost $2 billion overnight by saying I like Hitler.
“With your money and my influence, we can take down this power-hungry Jew once and for all!”
We reached out to Swift for a comment. She shrugged.
“Kanye loves to get older, but not wiser. He once again disguised his covert narcissism with altruism. No wonder he ran for president.
“I have nothing to say to him. He should stop staring at the sun directly and look in the mirror for a change.”
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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