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MuddyUm Writers’ Self Help Clinic
Assistance for the Floundering Writer Inside
Are you feeling a bit down? Writer’s Malaise getting to you? The muses stopped visiting before NaNo even started?
Here at the MuddyUm Writer’s Health Clinic, we’ve got a full range of gifted and highly credentialed professional writers who are standing by to help you.
We’re on staff, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to assist you and your damaged psyche from the ravages of the doom and gloom that are keeping you depressed, and in a brain fog, unable to hear those muses, even if they’re full out screaming at you. We know banshees.
There are no curfews, but you likely simply won’t be able to leave once you arrive. We also have a liberal check-in policy — check in any time you like. We don’t even have a physical location in California.
To help give you a feel for what to expect, we’ve assembled a few of our published white papers here, and are giving them to you FREE! No obligation to purchase anything. We’re just so sure you will love what you read, that you’ll be eager to sign up for the full experience.
But don’t take my word alone. Grab a cup of tea or java, and dig into some of the finest therapeutic advice on MuddyUm! We look forward to serving your inspirational needs well into the future. Namaste.
Client Testimonials
“I was a 14-block-per-day wordsmith. I would spend hours staring into a blank page, only to put it all away with nothing to show. I thought it was over.
Then I came to the MuddyUm Self Help Clinic for Writers. I was given the tools to knock my block off. I learned how to talk through my forced thoughts. I found a way to embrace my inner sarcastic self and put an end to the dreaded blank page.
Today, I still fight with the pangs of the block, but I have the strength to move ahead.
Thank you MuddyUm Clinic for Writers” — Christine G.
“ Now I know where I can go when I don’t know where to go. And when no one else will have me. And when I feel like a laugh. Thanks!” — Peggy H.
CLINIC STAFF
Please check back frequently, as we are constantly updating this staff Rozter list with current clinician’s bios and qualifications.
Laurie studied medicine extensively at University of Google Medical Institute and was licensed by the Wikipedia Medical Board. She has vast experience treating diseases such as rocking pneumonia, the boogie woogie flu, and the man cold. In addition, she has pioneered an anesthesia-free cranial-rectal extraction procedure.
Dr. Rachael Ann Sand, PhD, B.S. has more than three weeks of experience as a clinician for a wide range of writing maladies. She specializes in mental health issues including Curation Fixation, Imposter Syndrome, I-Have-No-Ideasitis, Stats Obsession Depression, and Too Dismal To Write Syndrome.
With a satirically sarcastic yet sweet demeanor, Rachael is sure to put your mind at ease. Within four years of tri-weekly sessions, you will be writing effortlessly. Virtual appointments are available. Don’t delay, start healing today!
Client testimonials show just how effective working with Rachael can be:
“My obsession with checking stats became so all-consuming I stopped eating and forgot to feed my cats for over a week. Deeply depressed, I didn’t leave the couch until Snuffles and Kitty Wompus started trying to eat my toes. Thankfully, the poet next door heard my screams and recommended MuddyUm Self Help Clinic. After intensive treatment, including hypnosis, I am finally able to limit stats checking to once per week.” — Georgine W.
“After five months of starting at blank screens and trying every trick in the book, I had an intense case of I-Have-No-Ideasitis. As is the case with many mental health issues this led to a related condition, Imposter Syndrome. Finally, during a desperate online search I found MuddyUm Self Help Clinic. Rachael has experience treating clients with a dual diagnosis. Thanks to her expertise, I have too many ideas to write about in this lifetime.” — Bruce Q.
Lisa N Bolin has many years experience in Piling It Higher and Deeper (PhD), specializing particularly in Inane Advice and Keepin’ it Real. The ‘it’ can come in many forms, including facial hair, cleaning products, and morning toilet experiences. She will carefully and sarcastically crack open your hard shell, as you delight in the incredible ooze she will expose within.
Client testimonials speak for themselves:
“Thanks to Lisa I am neck deep in writing ooze! I will never have to feel dry of ideas again!” — Con Tagious
“If it wasn’t for Lisa’s short course in Keepin’ it Real, I never would have realized how I could use simple things like facial warts as writing inspiration! Thanks for Keepin’ it Real (hairy)” — Bob Downey-Sheeks
White paper submitted by Margot Q, inclusive.
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Come visit our intake forms.
Susan Brearley is a brilliant strategist and editor. She’s the owner/operator of the MuddyUm Writer’s Self Help Clinic.
She’s also been writing comedy for about 2 weeks.
