SATIRE | HUMOR
Suffering From I-Have-No-Ideasitis?
Check yourself into our self-help writer’s clinic for a quick cure
Help us help you help yourself
How long have you been staring at blank pages or an empty screen? If you are reading this, it has likely been too long. It’s time to finally cure your I-Have-No-Ideasitis and get back to writing. Your fans are waiting. With an expert staff, MuddyUm Self-Help Clinic will help you get the ideas flowing lickity-split and quick-as-a-wink!
Payment
We accept most forms of insurance and of course, cash. Vintage Monopoly money is worth twice face value. The uninsured and cashless may pay with I.O.U.s written on 3x5 index cards. We are confident you’ll be able to pay when you publish all of the new ideas we help you unlock!
Our featured doctor this week
Rachael Ann Sand, PHD, ADD, OCD, has more than three months of experience as a clinician for a wide range of writing maladies. She specializes in mental health issues including Curation Fixation, Imposter Syndrome, I-Have-No-Ideasitis, and Stats Obsession Depression. With a satirically sarcastic yet sweet demeanor, Rachael is sure to put your mind at ease. Within two years of triweekly sessions, you will be writing effortlessly.
Client testimonials
“My obsession with checking stats became so all-consuming I stopped eating and forgot to feed my cats for over a week. Deeply depressed, I didn’t leave the couch until Snuffles and Kitty Wompus started trying to eat my toes. Thankfully, the poet next door heard my screams and recommended MuddyUm Self Help Clinic. After intensive treatment, including hypnosis, I am finally able to limit stats checking to once per week.” — Georgine W.
“After five months of staring at blank screens and trying every trick in the book, I had an intense case of I-Have-No-Ideasitis. As is the case with many mental health issues this led to a related condition, Imposter Syndrome. Finally, during a desperate online search I found MuddyUm Self Help Clinic. Rachael has experience treating clients with a dual diagnosis. Thanks to her expertise, I have too many ideas to write about in this lifetime.” — Bruce Q.
Admittance form
- Write your full name and any aliases, including pen names.
- Describe your condition in fifty words or less.
- If you wrote answers to questions 1–2, you are already self-helping your condition: You wrote something!
Further reading while you wait for the doctor

Rachael Ann Sand writes about life’s lessons and experiences including educational, humorous, and personal pieces. Thought provoking, informative, and often entertaining, her writing style is infused with personality. Rachael earned a B.S. in Elementary Education, MN Teaching Licensure, and Parenting Coach Certification. Her passion for the next generation extends to all living things. As a cyclist dedicated to a sustainable lifestyle Rachael rides through the world on two wheels. ~ “For my health and the health of the planet.”
