Don’t Read My Article

Summary

Susan Brearley's article humorously emphasizes the importance of reading beyond just clapping for articles, suggesting that viewing time is more valuable than applause, and offers tongue-in-cheek advice for eye health exercises.

Abstract

In her satirical piece, Susan Brearley presents a lighthearted take on the significance of actually reading articles rather than just giving them perfunctory claps. She reveals that data indicates the time spent viewing articles is more important than the number of claps they receive. Brearley humorously suggests that readers should clap minimally to acknowledge the article without being distracted from the content. She facetiously warns that 'bots' may be tracking eye movements for data collection, and thus encourages readers to exercise their eyes by moving them around while reading. The article is framed as a means to improve eyesight and eye health, with Brearley positioning it as a service to her audience. She also provides a brief autobiography, highlighting her diverse background and current projects.

Opinions

The author believes that the time spent reading an article is a more meaningful metric than the number of claps it receives.
Brearley humorously suggests that claps might be a distraction from truly engaging with the content.
She playfully implies that there might be surveillance tracking readers' engagement, emphasizing the importance of actual reading.
The article promotes the idea of reading as a form of exercise for the eyes, beneficial for eye health.
Brearley positions her work as providing value to her readers, not just as a means to support her financially (e.g., buying cat food).
The author's biography at the end serves to establish her credibility and diverse expertise, potentially as a means to encourage readers to take her advice seriously, despite the satirical tone of the article.

If You’re Not Going To Read My Article — The Best Advice for Eye Health

Initial data collection results are in.

Claps are indeed meaningless. Maybe not totally so. But early results show that the time you spend viewing the articles definitely outweighs the claps you give.

So just clap a little. Just enough to say hey, I see you there. Not enough to distract you from actually reading. Or viewing.

Because I swear, the bots are watching your eyeballs through the camera on your phone, or computers. And that data is going into the data collection.

So move your eyeballs around. Up and down, sideways, however you do.

Because clearly that matters.

How else could you possibly have read this article above, otherwise?

Impossible!

View it as good exercise for your strained eyeballs. You need it. My grandmother always told me to take care of my eyes, who else would do it if I didn’t? Good lighting, and lots of breaks, and movement of the eyes in the sockets. All good for eye health well into your old age.

Bookmark this and the above article, so when you suffer eye fatigue, at any time of the day or night, you can return to it and do your eye exercises.

Look at it this way. You aren’t reading to pay my cat food bills.

You are reading to improve your eyesight.

How’s that for serving my audience?

Susan Brearley is a published book author, writer, editor, essayist, occasional comedy writer, and an accidental poet. She is currently working on her second book, a murder mystery about an OCD detective, who’s been called a “young version of Monk”. She’s a retired systems engineer and salesperson from IBM, a serial entrepreneur, and a survivor of a stage 4 inflammatory breast cancer since 1995. She’s also working on her US Coast Guard Captain’s license, has her US Sailing keelboat certification, and is the creator and elder teacher of a new program, “VisionQuest” that mentors and teaches adults of all ages how to create the life they were born to live. She is currently based in the mid-Hudson Valley, New York.

Satire

Don’t Read My Article

If You’re Not Going To Read My Article — The Best Advice for Eye Health

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