Men Aren’t Meant to Look Good!
I have made at least a couple of blogs about women allegedly not being attracted to the majority of men, one of which talked about why it’s actually good that women aren’t attracted to most men, and another one telling men not to care about their looks too much since many women seem to be attracted to things, such as certain qualities and characteristics, that are beyond mere physical appearance.
Anyway, based on a couple of comments and things that I have seen on here, I wanted to write a blog about my humble opinion that men aren’t MEANT to look good! Don’t get me wrong, I suppose men can no doubt groom themselves well, take care of themselves, dress nicely, obviously make sure that their hygiene is up to par, etc. etc. But just in a natural sense, all things being considered equal, if you have men who put themselves together standing side-by-side with women who put themselves, generally speaking, the women will still be more physically attractive.
The reason I wanted to put this out there is because I believe that both sexes, men and women, have gotten the game twisted when it comes to this idea of men’s attractiveness and what some may fear as being strict standards concerning men’s attractiveness in general. What inspired me to get into this is that I saw an article on here where a guy posted about women commenting about a lot of men not being attractive or some dumb shit like that while other women agreeing. You can view that article by going below:
These are also some pictures from the article, compliments of Shahrier Huq.
I was also in a Facebook group where some chick posted a thread asking for the hot guys in the group to post their pictures and, though some women liked some of the pictures that men posted, others were on there talking shit, saying things like “It seems like some men didn’t understand the assignment”, blah blah blah. Whatever, right? I even made a comment on there about being amused at women asking for men to post their pictures just for the women to sit back and talk shit to feel like they did something. I also said that if a man had asked for the women to post their pictures and, when they did, if many men called them hard-faced heifers or whatever, they probably wouldn’t like that either. Go figure.
As far as the Medium article posted above, I made a comment on it that it helped inspire me to make an article on this topic of men not being meant to look good, something I have wanted to touch on for a while anyway.
Anyway, if women are expecting for men to look good, they are probably shooting themselves in the foot. Men and women are designed differently and, fortunately or unfortunately, women are understood to be the fairer sex. Why else do you think they are call that? Unfortunately, one might say that there are exceptions to that generalization, just as there may be a few guys sprinkled out here and there that are actually aesthetically appealing to women, as one can see from the comments that the women posted above.
I once speculated whether or not men and women were designed to be physical representations of the masculine and feminine energies, in general. Are men and women living symbols of the masculine and feminine principle? Perhaps that’s a spiritually-oriented blog for another time. But if the feminine principle is what is supposed to attract and be the passive principle, then, obviously, that would make it to where it would be in a lot of women’s best interest to BE attractive to attract the opposite sex. And that’s not just about looks either (hopefully more on that later). Men’s attractiveness (don’t get lost on the word “attractiveness”, because I’m not talking about physically here ) is largely supposed to be in other things, such as how they think, how they act, how they carry themselves, and even down to little things like their tone of voice, posture, etc. After all, it is said that women’s sexuality is more mental/emotional.
Therefore, if even a rough-looking brother somehow knows how to press the right buttons to get a woman to feel a certain type of way mentally and emotionally, he might be in there! After all, some say that you have to know how to make love to a woman’s mind before you can make love to her body. This may also explain why many women claim that even for casual hook ups, they desire to have at least some type of connection with the other person, because even if they don’t know a man that well, perhaps something about the way he carries himself, expresses himself, etc., might turn her on. Many men might not need as much of an emotional connection (if any at all) to be sexually aroused by a woman, hence why prostitution is largely catered to a male audience.
Make no mistake though, a tall and handsome guy who a woman doesn’t know from a can of paint might still get it, but by and large, it may ultimately be more about the man or the energy that he gives off, not so much the way he looks. Why do you think they had those Disney movie tropes like Beauty and the Beast! Do you think a man would really date a female beast? But according to that classic, because of who the beast was, apparently the woman would have still been willing to let him get it in.
Also, notice that when women are asked what they find attractive in men, what is one of the top qualities that they say? Confidence. Confidence is largely a mental/emotional quality, not physical. In fact, it has often been implied that if there were two men, one who is fairly handsome (but is shy and scared around women and lacks confidence and assertiveness) and another less physically handsome, yet more dominant, confident, so-called alpha male, the second man would often do better with women than the first one.
If all things are equal, of course many women will go for the more physically attractive man, but physical attractiveness (or lack thereof) isn’t supposed to be the deal breaker for women that it might, unfortunately, be for some men. Thankfully, in a lot of cases, it’s probably not. Because what many women value is probably more mental and more about energy. That’s why they say that women have intuition and are better at communication in general because they are more aware of subtle cues and what even subtle things say about a man (such as a man not making a lot of eye contact, not taking up a lot of space, his facial expressions, etc.).
On the flipside, men aren’t attracted to the same things as women are (at least not to the degree that women are), generally speaking. For example, men tend to like women they are physically attracted to, but they really like feminine qualities in general. As women are attracted to strength, independence, masculinity, and different things of that nature, fortunately or unfortunately, a lot of men really don’t care that much about a woman being a strong, independent woman. Sure, some will still date a strong and independent woman if they are attracted to her and she’s giving them the time of day, but the “strong and independent” thing in itself isn’t really what attracts a lot of men in the same way as those traits may attract a woman. Many men don’t mind a passive and submissive woman, but a lot of women generally don’t like passive or submissive men unless, perhaps, they are on that dominatrix tip.
And so, as women’s major trump card (at least as far as dating is concerned), is their beauty in order to attract a mate (as the feminine principle is to attract), a man’s major trump card is supposed to be his strength, which isn’t just physical strength (though that can certainly help), but strength of mind and having the confidence or whatever to go after what he wants and to get things done, the masculine principal.
Granted, human beings, being autonomous beings and being very different individuals with personalities scattered across 7 to 8 billion people throughout the planet, there are exceptions. There are indeed people who simply do not fit the normal energies of masculine and feminine in regards to their sex, so to speak. And, unfortunately, for a long time, I haven’t been the most confident person or the one who exuded the masculine energy that women liked. I was short, very shy, didn’t like rejection, easily embarrassed, wanted to be liked, cared what people think, etc., and was shown little to NO mercy when it came to attracting women. So it’s not like I am just saying something from a biased viewpoint or anything that would necessarily be in my favor. Some people, for whatever reason, don’t seem to naturally fit the energy that is understood that their sex is supposed to represent.
But don’t get it twisted, ladies and gentlemen. Just because one might think it’s easier for a man to be attractive than it is for a woman (due to their attractiveness often being attributed to non-physical attributes), not quite. After all, many women know good and well that they wouldn’t want to put themselves out there to directly hit on a lot of the men they are actually attracted to, simply because they don’t want to be rejected (regardless of what other excuses they claim). To do so takes a certain amount of strength or tenacity, which men have culturally been burdened to carry. So simply putting oneself out there to be rejected takes a certain kind of strength that may not be easy for everyone to have unless they have done the inner work or simply have a healthy sense of self to where rejection won’t knock them off their game.
As women complain about the pressure to look good, to look a certain way, to conform to conventional beauty, standards, etc., I understand. I don’t think that’s necessarily good and, for what it’s worth, a guy like me finds different shapes, sizes, races, colors, etc. attractive in women. It just depends on the woman, I guess. But regardless, as difficult as women think it is to conform to beauty standards to be considered attractive, they may not consider how difficult it is for men to try to always appear cool and like they have it under control, even if they don’t. They may not consider how difficult it is to be a man having a hard time and not being able to show it or express it due to it either appearing weak or due to people simply not giving a damn.
For example, if a guy was out in public, especially in front of his woman or women he found attractive, and a guy twice his size started aggressively yelling at him from across the way and coming towards him, as much as he might want to turn around and run away, it may not be a good look for him to look rattled or shaken, so a lot of men in that position would still want to try to maintain a certain demeanor as if they aren’t scared.
Or, say if I was out and about in front of some fine, black girls and some white dude that looks like Stone Cold Steve Austin got an attitude with me and called me a stupid N-word in front of them and everybody else.
Then I’d be under pressure. I could do the wise and smart thing and try to de-escalate the situation or get away from it entirely, but on the other hand, unfortunately, black culture has been trained to see that as a fighting word, so if I didn’t get into a fight to defend my honor and theirs (though potentially ending up eating through a straw), those hot black girls might see me as being soft and weak. You might do well to read my article titled, “My ‘controversial’ stance on the N word” to get more information on that.
So you see, though there is a pressure for women to look good and beautiful (and I’m sure that can be taxing at times), there is also pressure for men to always look strong, competent, and capable, even with very little to no support.
One more example about that I want to bring up before I end this. I remember I was dating a women one time and she had bought something for her kids. It was something that had to be put together. Now, I wasn’t particularly a handyman or a person to put things together often, but in that situation, I simply wanted to put on the “I got this” demeanor and just try to work on the dammed thing and look capable, even if I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Just like if something happens with a woman’s car, etc., if a woman needs help with something, men tend to be under pressure to at least look like they know what they’re doing, even if they don’t, and try to help out.
In conclusion, I think that this whole societal focus on men’s looks are doing a disservice to both men and women. It’s doing a disservice to men because most men can’t possibly be physically attractive to the degree that women claim to want, but they can have a certain mentality and demeanor while working as well as they can with what they have physically, and perhaps still attract women if they know what they are doing as far as how to deal with women (turning on women’s emotions, having the gift of gab if necessary, etc.). The focus on men being good looking also does women a disservice, because while they might be looking for Channing Tatum, Ryan, Gosling, Will Smith, Idris Elba, or whatever other heartthrob there is supposed to be out there, they might end up getting frustrated because most men simply don’t look like that. And most men, when they walk around, aren’t considered physically hot enough to make women actually stop in their tracks and do a double take. That’s just the way it is!
But fret not. If people got back to the basics and looked at what people should be attracted to, maybe things would be better. In fact, there has been teachings that imply that women are largely attracted to masculine energy, at least when done properly and not in a toxic way that could be harmful to them. And for the ladies, regardless of their physical appearance, if they have a certain softness, a certain femininity, that is an attractive quality in itself to some men also. And though some men are said to be superficial when it comes to women’s looks, don’t worry ladies, that typically just means that a man tends to want to date a woman who is attractive TO HIM. It doesn’t mean that what is physically attractive to him has to be what is conventionally attractive. Believe it or not, men have varied tastes when it comes to what they find physically attractive, so don’t caught up thinking that all women have to look like Halle Berry or Megan Fox or anything to be considered attractive to a man.
Please share your thoughts on these ideas and thank you for reading, for your time, and for any other support.
Best,
John Henry
