5 Things Men Need To Accept To Not Become Bitter (Towards Women)

Social media exposes us to hoards of information and dialogue that generations before would never have had to look at in their lifetimes. Unfortunately, a lot of discussion is pushed towards our timelines due to controversy and virality rather than value. Even so, it is still surprising every time you see an outlandish tweet generate hundreds of thousands of likes. Reading the replies of agreement further contributes to that surprise, as it makes you question your understanding of the world. There are many routes I could go from here, but today I want to specifically tackle the issue of the growing bitterness men have towards women. Having to witness constant man hating, tik tok interview stupidity, meaningless men vs. women debates, and more mind numbing content on a daily basis is having a debilitating effect on men’s brains. To remedy this, I present 5 things every man needs to accept in order to avoid the bitterness that may start to brew.

1. We are not very physically attractive

To preface, I am speaking in general terms. I’m sure all of us have seen multitudes of social media posts calling average looking guys ugly. Here is an example of a popular tweet mentioning the fact that ‘fine men’ are a rarity.

This tweet has almost 37k likes, which is not a small number. The replies are also interesting to read as they tend to disagree with the quarterly assessment, and stretch it out to annual.

Of course, this is just one tweet. However, its something us men will come across regularly. There are many different forms of this, another common one being “Men of x nationality are so much uglier than the women (of the same nationality).” My point here is that if we go by the opinion of women, we are not that attractive.

I understand if these sentiments lower self-esteem, but it is just something we have to accept. Accept that men’s self esteem is unimportant to the general public, and work on it yourself. If you actually care about your physical attractiveness, there are many things you can work on aside from what you were given. The first of these being hygiene. Routine showers, skin care, moisturizer, clean clothes, and a nice scent will already put you in a great place. Next is fashion sense. You don’t need to do anything crazy, but studying how to put together a clean fit every time you leave the house is a huge jump. Finally, hit the gym. This may be the hardest step as it is an entire lifestyle change, but it will benefit you far more than just looks. Gain some muscle and lose some fat, your attractiveness in general will increase as well as your self confidence. These three things will improve your appearance drastically even if the general public considers you ‘ugly’.

Before considering all of the physical aspects that contribute to your confidence, understand that your worth is far greater than that. The lives you change for the better, people you inspire, kindness you demonstrate, laughter you share with others; these are some of many things that you should love about yourself before getting down about society’s view of you.

2. Your dating app performace is not your worth

If you’ve been single as a straight man, chances are you have went down the sink hole that is dating apps. These apps are designed to get your hopes up and get you to keep coming back after your hopes were shattered. After so much time and effort put in to perfecting your profile and swiping, it is a struggle to even get a match for the average guy. You finally get a couple matches, send some clever pickup lines hoping for a response, and most don’t bother. Some do though, and you have a “conversation” where you ask questions and they respond with dry answers, not asking anything back. You can’t blame her because you are just one of the hundreds of faces she sees in her inbox. Many matches later, someone is finally responding, you plan a date, get excited, then on the day of the date, they cancel. Repeat the cycle over and over.

The video below paints the picture vividly for why this cycle may occur.

Reasons:

1. Men make up about 75% of the user base on dating apps
2. Women are less likely to give out likes compared to men (14% vs. 46%)
3. 50% of all likes from women are for 15% of men

In 2022, Bumble released data about the filters for height that females use. It should be noted that only premium users can filter by height.

In this staggering chart, there is a massive dropoff for men below 6'0 tall. While this is data from a smaller sample size than the full population, it does still show what women favour when given the choice. These apps are essentially a transactional marketplace that is not in your favour.

With this data, it should be clear that men should not base their self esteem on their dating app performance. You’re not in the top 15% of male attractiveness, and that’s okay. To have a healthy mentality with dating apps, don’t invest emotionally in to matches or conversations. Until you see the person sitting in front of you physically, mentally checkout of the interactions. Don’t blame women for being guarded when there are so many creeps and predators out there. Try not to pay for any subscriptions and get yourself in real life social circles where you can meet other women organically. Make meaningful platonic friendships with other women without having ulterior motives. Focus on growing yourself as a person while participating in hobbies that are enriching and make you feel fulfilled. Doing all these things will give you the best chance at finding someone while not becoming bitter in the process.

3. Social media debates are not real life

It feels like every day where we see some tiktok interviewer asking stupid hypotheticals to braindead individuals that are meant to stir up emotions and result in high engagement.

This video is an example of what I’m referring to. The question is “How much money does a guy need to make to date you” and the answer is 6 figures at least, or “more realistically” 100 grand. Take a look at this graph, specifically for ages below 30.

Less than 5% of people in each age group for under 30s make a $100k salary. It is simply not worth beating yourself up over being under the $100k yearly salary mark. Another factor that is commonly mentioned is a minimum height of 6'0, which is also mentioned in the video. According to DQYDJ’s US height percentile calculator, a male that is 6' tall is in the 90th percentile of men. These expectations are commonly put out on social media and men definitely feel the pressure. Try to picture a socially inept man who does not have many interactions with women in his life so he learns about dating and women through what he sees online. It’s no wonder there are so many incels and alpha-male wannabes. While women like this do exist in real life, there are countless women out there that care more about who you are as a human being, how you treat them and other people, where your values lie, and if your personalities mesh well. If you choose a life of materialism where your money and status are the only things you strive for and transactions are what drive your relationships, then you will inevitably go for women of the materialistic sphere who have these unrealistic expectations. Don’t complain about the type of women you attract and chase when you chose that world.

4. Women don’t completely understand men

We do not have to fit in to every mold that progressive women want us to fit in to. On one hand, be receptive, understanding, and a good listener because putting up with men and misogyny is an incredibly difficult task. On the other hand, know that they cannot see things from our perspective entirely, and have not been raised with the same upbringing as us. There are many things that men go through or do that will never be understood by the general population of women and that is okay.

One example of this is the idea of “male loneliness”. As a disclaimer, I am not claiming male loneliness discredits female loneliness, nor am I trying to say it is a societal problem caused by women. If you are a man, especially of average or below physical/social traits, then its likely I don’t even have to explain to you the concept of our loneliness. There are many shared experiences that drive us towards this reality for us, and little we can do to prevent it. Some screenshots below illustrate sentiments of women with thousands to hundreds of thousands of likes which dunk on the scummy men who represent the bottom barrel of society. These are easy dunks which reinforce sweeping generalizations and are very common on a platform like Twitter.

Do men have to find better ways to express their loneliness that’s not rooted in misogyny? Yes. Do the bottom feeding redditor incel men represent the whole? No.

Women may never understand this, and like the title of this article suggests, that is something we have to accept to not become bitter. There are so many things men can’t seem to process in their heads about women, so it makes sense the other way around too. This leads me straight to my next point.

5. Don’t take women’s lash outs personally — unless it applies to you

Speaking of sweeping generalizations, there are many viral remarks made by women that can be off putting to the bystander. Maybe not one or two of them, but seeing hundreds of them throughout the year could cause someone to grow bitter. The key here is to understand a man’s position in society and how we (in general) benefit from a patriarchal structure. Due to this power dynamic, women will make extreme generalized statements that may not apply to most people. The key here, for men, is to understand that if a statement does not apply to you, do not internalize it. Understand the place it’s coming from and the trauma being expressed. If it does apply to you however, do internalize it and change as a person.

Here are some examples:

I am not suggesting that any of these statements are completely invalid. I am simply making an appeal to men out there to not take things personally if they do not apply to you, or else the cumulative pain and guilt may turn you sour.

Conclusion

Let’s create a healthier society by managing our expectations and regulating our emotions. Understand what we cannot understand, and accept it. My goal is to teach men how to make the world a better place for themselves, which in turn benefits all. Thank you for taking the time to read.

sha