How I Increased My AQ to Live a More Peaceful and Enjoyable Life

Here’s how to craft and amp up the resilience index (adversity quotient) for a blissful and joyful life

I’m not a superhuman, but I have a secret tool that makes me feel like one — my adversity quotient, AQ, not IQ. Now, you might wonder, “What’s that bizarre tool?” I will shortly take you back to the mid-1990s when my good friend Dr. Paul G. Stoltz developed this concept. He taught people how to turn challenges into serendipity and opportunity.

Imagine this concept as transforming a storm into a rainbow. Dr. Stoltz thought AQ was like a great power for success. He developed an assessment method called the Adversity Response Profile. ARP measures four variables: control, ownership, reach, and endurance.

Dr. Stoltz got so good at educating and motivating executives in raising their AQ that he became one of the top 100 influencers in the leadership domain worldwide in those years. But, like many distinguished leaders, he doesn’t chase fame and recognition. He focuses on empowering others.

Now, let’s break down what this AQ thing really means. The adversity quotient is like a toolkit or skill set that helps us deal with all sorts of tough stuff — physical, mental, and emotional challenges. I relate it to Design Thinking from a problem-solving context. It is great to find solutions to our physical and mental health problems.

Simply put, it’s about transforming roadblocks into growth opportunities for better health and more satisfying life. The neat part is the higher our AQ, the smoother our interactions with others and the more adept we become at navigating life’s twists and turns. I see it as the path to a more serene and enjoyable life with meaningful relationships with others.

If we take a good look around carefully, it’s clear that life’s a metaphorical rollercoaster for everyone. I mean, even plants, insects, and animals have their ups and downs. It’s like a universal law or something.

The trick is to understand this truth, accept it, and get better at rolling with the punches. That’s where AQ comes in. It’s like a secret harpoon that makes us tough and unshakable.

Smart minds and experts figured out how to measure this AQ concept. They discovered that the higher our AQ, the more likely we are to be a real winner in life. I’m talking about folks who excel in learning, building great skills, and achieving their goals.

Here’s something cool — a study from 2021 on Cell talks about how AQ is a big deal. It affects students’ achievements, how well they learn independently, and how they perform. Basically, it’s like AQ has a ripple effect on other parts of education.

Now, let me tell you a bit about my research into AQ. While doing my post-graduate studies, I dug into the cognitive patterns and leadership behavior of exceptional and distinguished leaders. These unique leaders were like AQ champions. They had this knack for rewiring their brains when life got tough.

So, I decided to learn from their playbook. I started thinking like them, acting like them. This approach totally changed how I perceived things. It made my life way more meaningful and enjoyable. I found peace amidst the chaos and had euphoric moments for no reason other than being myself.

So, a pleasant and joyful life is the big deal with this adversity quotient. It’s like our personal guide to turning challenges into triumphs. I’ve seen it work wonders for so many. Therefore, I decided to pass along my tacit knowledge with some tips in this short story so that more folks benefit from it.

To make this a valuable piece, from what I’ve seen, reviewed, and learned, I’ve condensed my findings into six steps. I’ve kept things simple and important to make this post easy to understand and helpful. For more info, I’ve linked articles where I’ve covered each topic extensively before.

Step 1: Go Beyond Your Comfort Zone.

Our bodies are like built-in safety systems. They like being comfy, and it’s like their thing. But here’s the deal — there’s another part of our brain that’s about growth. And growth only happens outside our comfy space.

In my observations and experience, our brains have four zones — comfort, stretch, risk, and danger. It’s like a map of how we live our lives. So, comfort, essentially, provides a sense of ease and safety.

But it’s not where the magic happens, as safety is mainly in mind. When we stick to comfort and perceived safety, we miss out on growing and learning new things.

Remember when you were a kid? Learning to walk was a big deal, right? You fell, you got up, you tried again. That’s moving from comfort to the stretch zone. It’s like taking a little step beyond what you know.

I love the stretch zone. It’s like a sweet spot between comfy and too risky. Sometimes, I nudge into the risk zone but avoid comfort and danger zones.

Now, here’s why this matters. When we step into the stretch zone, we make progress. We handle tough times better. We face challenges like champs. So, raising our AQ requires moving out of our comfort zone.

Step 2 — Tame the Amygdala, the Alert System in the Brain.

Anxiety and fear are normal human emotions. We all experience them from time to time. But for some people, anxiety and fear can become debilitating. They can make it difficult to function in everyday life.

The amygdala, part of the emotional brain (the limbic system), plays a role in our emotions, especially fear and anxiety. It’s responsible for detecting threats and triggering the fight-or-flight response on the HBA axis.

The problem is the amygdala is often quick to overreact. It can mistake a harmless situation for a threat and send us into a state of panic. So, how can we tame the tricky amygdala?

The first step is to understand how it works. We need to know that it’s not always accurate in assessing danger. Once we understand that, we can start to challenge its messages.

We can also use our neocortex, the rational part of our brain, to calm the amygdala down. The neocortex can help us to see things more clearly and to put our fears into perspective.

It takes time and practice to tame the amygdala, but it’s possible. With a little effort, we can learn to manage our anxiety and fear and live a more balanced life.

I’ve written an article about how to deal with amygdala hijacks effectively. In summary, identify your triggers. Act mindfully. Challenge your thoughts. Try exposure therapy. And use relaxation techniques.

Step 3: Embrace Life As It Comes.

This critical step means accepting the things that we can’t control and change and letting go of the things that we can. It means accepting that life is full of ups and downs. We take personal responsibility and accountability.

When we don’t accept things, we’re like horses wearing blinkers. We can only see what’s right in front of us and can’t see the bigger picture. This can adversely affect our decisions and behaviors. But when we accept things, we can see everything around us and can make better decisions.

Embracing life as it comes is a powerful tool that can help us to live a happier and more fulfilling life. With some practice, we can learn to accept the things that we can’t change and let go of the things that upset us. And when we live with acceptance and personal responsibility, life will be a lot more fun and a lot less stressful.

So, how do we embrace life as it comes? Be mindful. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. When you notice yourself resisting something, ask yourself why. Let go of expectations. Focus on the present moment. Be grateful. Take time to appreciate the good things in your life, even when things are tough.

Step 4 — Turn Envy into Admiration.

Envy is the feeling of discontent or bitterness that we get when we see someone else who has something that we want. It can be anything, from their looks to their success.

Envy is a natural emotion, but it’s not a healthy one in high doses. It can make us feel bad about ourselves, and it can lead to negative thoughts and behaviors. But there’s a way to turn envy into something more positive: admiration.

Admiration is the opposite of envy. It’s the feeling of respect and appreciation that we have for someone else’s qualities. When we admire someone, we’re not comparing ourselves to them. We’re simply acknowledging their strengths and accomplishments.

Admiration is a powerful emotion. It can make us feel good about ourselves, and it can motivate us to achieve our own goals. In addition, it can improve our relationships with others.

When we feel admiration, we create respect and warm approval for enviable situations. By using fMRI experiments, neuroscientists identified some brain regions activated with admiration.

So, how do we turn envy into admiration? I explained in a story titled Here’s How to Replace Envy with Admiration for a Joyful Life. Here are the key points:

Focus on the other person’s strengths. Be grateful for what you have. Be inspired by the other person. Be supportive. Turning envy into admiration is a powerful way to boost your self-esteem and motivation.

Step 5 — Handle Negative Criticism.

Now, we all love a pat on the back, right? Positive feedback is like a little dose of happiness. It’s like someone saying, “You’re awesome; keep it up!”

But here’s the kicker — we’re not so keen on negative criticism. Our brains are wired not to like it ’cause it’s like a little alarm going off. It’s like our brain saying, “Watch out, something’s not right!”

Negative criticism isn’t all bad news. It’s like a hidden treasure chest of growth. People who handle tough stuff are like champs. They’re okay with negative criticism. Like me, they even ask for it sometimes. It’s like their secret weapon for getting better.

Working in academic and corporate environments, I’ve been around the criticism block for a while, and I’ve learned a thing or two about dealing with criticism. It’s all about turning those “ouch” moments into stepping stones. I put all my know-how into an article titled Here’s How I Use Negative Criticism Innovatively.

Step 6: Make Comebacks Shine.

This step is big because life has its ups, downs, and loops — you name it, we all get a taste of these fluctuations. I see setbacks are like life’s little curveballs. They hit us all in different shapes, sizes, and frequencies.

But here’s the plot twist — we’ve got the power to turn setbacks into something awesome. When we shift how we look at setbacks, magic happens. Instead of saying, “Ugh, this stinks,” we can say, “Hey, this is a chance for me to grow.”

It’s like our brain hears that positive spin and goes, “Heck yeah, let’s do this!” Suddenly, we’re tapping into our inner strengths, our hidden talents. It’s like discovering a secret weapon stash.

Now, here’s the trick — it’s not just about thinking positively. It’s about taking action and seeing setbacks as stepping stones. It’s like turning roadblocks into opportunities. This mindset — it’s like a treasure map to success.

But there’s more. We’ve got to remember our blessings too. They’re like little life-savers, helping us solve problems. Problem-solving is a must-have skill for everyone who wants to rock life like a boss.

Wrapping it Up: The Road to Sustainable Resilience

Life’s not all sunshine and rainbows. We all face challenges like criticism, setbacks, and rejections. They’re like these sneaky curveballs that come out of nowhere.

Now, dealing with these curveballs takes a bit of a thick skin. We can totally develop a thick skin. That’s where the idea of an adversity quotient comes in.

Think of it as a concept that can turn into a super helpful skill. So, what’s in the recipe for this skill? Acceptance — facing things head-on. Then, there’s the art of seeing setbacks as opportunities, embracing negative feedback, flipping envy into admiration, and taming the amygdala.

We can intentionally rewire our brains. They become an unshakeable force. I outlined these steps in an article called Practical Tips for Tolerating Setbacks and Become More Resilient. It’s like a roadmap to becoming unstoppable.

Boosting our adversity quotient is not just good for our mental game. It’s like giving our body a VIP upgrade. Our bodies face challenges, too — think germs, climate shifts, and ongoing stress. These challenges make us stronger.

So, whether it’s facing stress, hunger, or even the passing years, boosting our adversity quotient can work wonders. It’s like building up this mental armor that helps us thrive. And you know what else?

Meditation. It’s a great tool that trains our brain and mind to take on life’s challenges like a champ. Therefore, I meditate three times a day.

Having a solid adversity quotient is like a secret sauce for success. Those who’ve got it are the ones who rock life with confidence. And the ones who don’t? Well, they might find themselves depending on others and missing out on the good stuff.

So, here’s the final takeaway — these steps, this mindset, are our ticket to a life that’s not just good but truly meaningful. We must embrace the bumps, turn them into boosts, and own our journey. That’s the path to becoming the ultimate champion of our own story.

While not everyone may be on the same page as us, we can enhance our likability through authenticity and an open approach. You can learn more about this concept from Dr. Dr. Stoltz’s books.

Thank you for engaging with my insights. My best wishes for your journey toward a healthy and joyful life.

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