POLITICS, LGBTQ, RELATIONSHIPS
Black, Gay Politician Dean Browning Alarms Conservatives By Admitting Steamy Affair With Former Ku Klux Klan Leader
Still a better erotica than Snape and the Telletubbies?
We thought we wouldn’t hear a love story more outrageous than the 4-way Iranian homo-incestuous lover’s quarrel.
We still haven’t. But this one comes close.
Republican politician Dean Browning admitted to having sexual relations with former Ku Klux Klan leader Frazier Glenn Miller Jr for years. We were shocked that Browning would have an affair with the serial killer of the 2014 Overland Park shooting. Why would a politician be attracted to a lunatic who thinks he’s hunting down Batman?
Furthermore, we were confused why Browning disclosed his own version of I Love You, Phillip Morris. We originally asked Browning why he claimed that he was a gay, black Trump supporter in 2020.
We were amused that this conservative was so technologically illiterate that he forgot to use his burner account. Has Browning learned nothing from his African-American brethren Kevin Durant?
We reached out to Browning, who fumbled an excuse.
“I was just forwarding thoughts of a black gay Trump supporter who reached out to me.”
We asked Browning why his supporter didn’t post the tweet on his own Twitter handle. Browning could retweet that post so people can distinguish between the two accounts. Browning snapped.
“Alright! FINE! I wrote it! I’m a gay, black man! You’re happy?”
We asked Browning to clarify.
“What’s more to say? I’m not white! I used whiteface to cover up my black skin! I changed my race so I can be adored in the GOP!”
We asked Browning why he wanted to hide his true self, especially since the world is more accepting of different people.
“So no one would assume that I fucked a KKK leader!”
Stunned, we asked Browning for more details.
“I was born black. But I hate blacks! They…
<Browning listed racial epithets for 60 hours. We don’t feel comfortable listing them. Who knew we had a moral compass?>
“I can’t believe I was born as a black man! If God made me black, he should have made me blind as well! At least I’d still remain ignorant of my actual race.”
The Clayton Bigsby wannabe glared at us.
“Don’t look at me like that! I was born in the 1940’s. I saw how harmful racial discrimination was! I originally used whiteface to survive! I was fed up being harassed in a whites only diner!
“You have no right to judge me for changing my skin color to survive! Especially since you support women using blackface to get abortions through police brutality!
Browning paused.
“But I digress. After becoming white, I needed to make sure that no one will suspect me of being black. Hence, I joined the Republican Party in 1980. No sane black man would join a group of morons hell bent on discriminating minorities. This party was my perfect cover!
“However, I didn’t expect to meet my future lover in that organization: Ku Klux Klan leader Frazier Glenn Miller Jr. It was love at first sight. I quickly introduced myself to him. We bonded over our passion of screwing over men. Only difference is that mine was more sexual. His was more violent.
“As we grew closer, I realized that I couldn’t hide my feelings from him any longer. Yes, I know he was a homophobe back in 1980. Yes, I know he used the word f****t frequently. But I was in love! I fell for his passion of all things white!
“I took him to the gender-fluid bathroom, and washed off my white face makeup. This took longer than expected, as I didn’t use white face paint. I had to bribe Donald [now Brandon] Trump to ejaculate on my face repeatedly so I could be white. It took an arduous 3 hours to get Trump’s dry semen of my face. However, this will go down as history’s shortest ethnic cleansing.
“I presented Miller my true, black form. Miller took one look at me, looked up and down, and shrugged. He told me to meet him in the car. He specifically requested that I crossed dressed so he could still have the illusion that he was having sex with a woman. Turns out Miller Jr didn’t want to stray too far from the Lord’s light.
“I came to the car dressed up. I later performed oral sex. Which lasted for 2 seconds. Old men come too fast.
“Somehow, Raleigh police caught me performing fellatio on the KKK leader in the back seat of the car. They later arrested Miller Jr for for ‘soliciting sex from a prostitute’. How dare the police call us politicians hookers? We’re workers, not whores!
“Regardless, Miller Jr had an excuse to get out of prison. He told them that he lured me in his car with the intention of beating me, not having sex with me. The cops released him because the lie detector said he was telling the truth. They didn’t consider that Miller Jr has a huge BDSM fetish and gets turned on from whipping my buttocks with a hanging chad.”
We were stunned that Browning would give us all this information freely. We asked Browning if he felt any regret for his involvement with a racist serial killer. Browning hung his head.
“Will Smith once said that love will make you do crazy things. That is true. In the name of love, I, too, did something so crazy. I just summarized my affair through a quote from a black man.
“I tried so hard to cover up my past. I was guilty of misleading the public of who I was. My subconscious couldn’t take it anymore, and I posted that tweet without remembering that I did.
“Now that the truth is out, I had to confess my sins. I begged Joel Osteen for forgiveness. Osteen said that only God can judge me. Since God is merciful, Osteen said that God has forgiven me of my sin of homosexuality.”
Browning sighed with relief.
“I couldn’t believe it! That’s all it takes to get into heaven? Commit crimes and then ask God for forgiveness? The Lord truly loves all his children equally!
“A great weight has been lifted from my shoulders If only Miller Jr confessed the same way I did. I’m sure the Lord will accept him into heaven if Miller Jr feels remorse for his KKK involvement and serial killing!”
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
Also. Please don’t search for Snape and The Telletubbies. The sexual adventures are too extreme to handle. This fan fiction makes 50 Shades of Gray a masterpiece.
We urge you, please don’t click on this link for reading pleasure. Or this link for audio narration. Your curiosity will be your downfall.
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