Kinksplaining with Ena
B is for Blueberry Fetish, F is for Fornophilia
A Dictionary of Curious Kinks for Kinktober, Part 1 of 4: A to F
A kink is defined as anything that falls outside of what society considers mainstream or normal sexual behavior. It can’t get much vaguer than that, right? Especially since what is normal to me might be foreign or weird to you, and vice versa. But, if normal equals lights-off, hetero, Missionary POV, I’m quite certain everyone’s at least a little bit kinky.
For me, much has changed since I started defining myself as kinky. While my core erotic theme has remained more or less consistent, I notice that certain things no longer speak to me the way they used to, while others — some of which I formerly considered a kink too far — are suddenly calling my name.
For Kinktober, I’ve created a four-part Dictionary of Curious Kinks as a way to celebrate and investigate my own kinks and fantasies, as well as those that for various reasons tickle my curiosity, whether it be because I’m intrigued, fascinated, or even a tad mystified.
A is for Algolagnia, Agrexophilia & Agoraphilia
Algolagnia
Made up of the Greek words for pain and lust, algos and lagneia, Algolagnia is one of the prettiest-sounding words I know. Pain, like other sensorial pleasures such as sex and delicious food, releases the pleasure chemical endorphins. Sometimes I, too, long for pain, but only the good kind—blunt, grabby, thumpy—usually served with a dose of domination and always coupled with pleasure.
Agrexophilia
I bet every confessional sex writer has this infliction. I always fancied myself a (bashful) exhibitionist but turns out I may also have a case of Agrexophelia, meaning the arousal caused by knowing that other people know about your sexual activities.
Agoraphilia
The fetish for having sex in public places never stops exhilarating me. I don’t actually do it a lot, and when I do, I tend to choose secluded places in nature, or sanctioned places, like sex parties, because I’m also rather afraid of getting caught. But the thought of it — the fantasy of doing it in some ridiculous place for everyone to see — that gets me off every time!
B is for Ballbusting, Begging & Blueberry Fetish
Ballbusting
I’ve been asked to torture and step on someone’s balls a few times. While I don’t kink shame and strive to live by the acronyms YKINMK and YKIOK (your kink is not my kink and your kink is okay), I simply couldn’t bring myself to cause pain and potential harm to this most sensitive part of the male anatomy. On that note, I will forever wonder why having balls is synonymous with being strong and courageous when, in reality, balls are so, so fragile.
Begging
Confession; I find begging mind-blowingly hot. There’s just something about being wildly turned on and asking to get fucked (or something else), just to be told to ask nicely or say please, that gets me every time. It’s also infuriating, but in a humiliating way, which, as an apparent deviant, I’m also into.
Warning: If someone did this to me in a normal setting, say, I asked if I could have a cookie, I would only be infuriated, NOT horny. Don’t try me!
Blueberry Fetish
Ugol’s Law says that for every kink there’s always more than one who’s into it. It’s comforting to know that no matter how out there your kink or fantasy is, someone else out there likes it too. Not my kink (and your kink is okay), but it genuinely makes me happy to know that right now, someone, somewhere is getting turned on by the idea of themselves or others turning into a giant blueberry. If you’re also a big fan of Willy Wonka and/or Charlie The Chocolate Factory, you may guess where this comes from.
C stands for Chemical Play, Cuckolding & Compersion
Chemical Play
Until recently, I thought this was the same as chemsex, meaning sex while under the influence of chemical drugs. Chemical Play, on the other hand, is the practice of using liquids, such as Tabasco sauce or lemon juice to increase excitement through different tactile sensations. I then realized I had engaged in this with a former partner who introduced the practice of rubbing a tiny amount of Tiger Balm or Vapor Rub on my clit for increased sensitivity. It was definitely tingly—in a good way! I was recently given a sample of a liquid ginger sex oil, which sounds like it might burn, but let’s find out…
Word of caution: Getting any of these liquids inside your vagina or butt is painful and could upset your natural flora, so approach with care. Unless you’re into figging, which is the practice of inserting pieces of ginger into the anus, vagina, or urethra, usually as a form of punishment.
Cuckolding & Compersion
I never thought cuckolding was my thing, the fetish where you enjoy watching, or simply knowing, that your partner is having sex with someone else. But, as it turns out, I do experience a great deal of compersion—the empathetic state of happiness and joy caused by another individual’s happiness and joy—when I know my partner is having a good time with someone else. Also, I really like watching a partner have sex with someone else in a threesome and group scenario. Lately, I’ve been fantasizing about being tied up and made to watch a partner with another woman, as well as the opposite scenario; him watching me. (Come back for Zelophilia in part 4).
D is for Dacryphilia, Dendrophilia & Double Penetration
Dacryphilia
I don’t properly get off on tears or watching others cry, but there’s something deeply moving about co-creating an erotic or sensual experience with someone that causes them to cry. Usually, when this happens it involves ropes and me tying them.
The reasons why I personally struggle to let myself cry is a longer story. But, part of me longs to get to a place where I allow myself to release all the emotional build-up, and, I’m especially intrigued by the thought of this happening while I’m tied up.
Dendrophilia
The literal meaning of Dendrophilia is love of trees and also refers to the paraphilia in which people are sexually aroused by trees. While I have yet to have sexual fantasies involving trees, there’s something about the forest, and the smell of pine needles, that makes me want to take my clothes off to get intimate with all of creation. Perhaps that also makes me an ecosexual?
Double Penetration
Pretty straightforward, DP is the act of getting penetrated by two phalluses (penises or dildos) at the same time, either in one or two holes. While I crossed off the dildo option a long time ago I still consider this fantasy of mine to be largely un-full-filled, because, apart from the fullness sensation, it’s the idea of two men at the same time that intrigues me the most about it. TMI? Blame it on my Agrexophilia.
E is for Edgeplay & Erotographomania
Edgeplay
Edgeplay in BDSM pushes the boundaries of what’s considered safe and thus carries higher risks of physical and/or emotional harm. From fire and wax play to blood, watersports, consensual nonconsent, and forced orgasms, edgeplay incorporates a wide range of activities that should always be approached with caution and never without agreeing on a safeword first!
A thrillseeker at heart, several varieties of edge play make my blood boil. You all know I love Shibari which is also considered edgeplay, but I rarely talk about how I discovered I have a thing for knives, or how I used to go nuts about chokeouts—until I learned how potentially dangerous it is. Some things are not worth the risk!
Erotographomania
Do I have Erotographomania, a strong interest or desire to write sexual and erotic literature to achieve arousal, or is arousal simply a (mostly) welcome byproduct of being a sex writer? An additional perk of working from home is that I can take a break whenever I need to…
F for Faceslapping, Fear play & Forniphilia
There are so many fabulous kink and fetish words that start with the letter F, from my favorite mode of impact play, flogging, to facesitting, food play, and foot fetishists… who have a very special place in my heart.
Faceslapping
While spanking is fairly normalized, it’s a whole other ballgame to slap someone in the face during sex. I didn’t know I liked it until one of my first dominant partners did it and it sent me on an express rocket into subspace.
Since then, I’ve had lovers who required a lot of convincing to try it, or simply couldn’t do it, and that’s okay too. Faceslapping is a big power move and works best when you do it with conviction. It requires a ton of trust, should never be performed as an expression of anger, and always with a lot of caution, and, of course, with mutual consent!
Fear play
Fear play, as the name indicates, uses fear to trigger arousal. As opposed to masochism where arousal is caused by an endorphin rush, fear gets you high on adrenaline.
Through fear play, we can trigger existing doubts and fears and eroticize them in a safe setting. In my own experience, fear play only works if you’re actually scared, yet, you can only get to that place with someone if you know, deep down, that they won’t actually cause you harm.
Forniphilia
This is a type of (extreme) objectification where the submissive person is used as a piece of furniture. Why would anyone do that? Well, kinks tend to play on uncomfortable emotions like guilt, shame, fear, disgust, etc, and turn them on their heads. Just like it can be cathartic to willingly give up control, especially if we’re somewhat of a control freak, being reduced all the way down to a common household object, could be a way to process negative feelings and experiences with objectification that happened to us without consent.
I’ve seen some stunningly creative photoshoots and art projects around the concept of Forniphilia. While these speak to me on an aesthetic level, I know I wouldn’t have the patience to be a lamp or footstool for very long, nor would I find it terribly arousing. I am, on the other hand, intrigued by Nyotaimori, the act of being used as a naked tray for sushi.
That’s it for now… I’ll continue with the rest of the alphabet in the Dictionary of Curious Kinks over the next few weeks. In the meantime, if you see any kinks and fetishes, here or somewhere else, that you want me to explore in an in-depth Kinksplaining article, please suggest them in the comments.
I wish you a curious, exploratory, sensual, and pleasurable month of Kinktober!
© Ena Dahl 2023 [Kinksplaining with Ena]
In this column, Kinksplaining with Ena, I discuss, dissect, and investigate sexual fantasies, desires, and kinks that may be perceived as offbeat and unorthodox. I approach each topic, which was prompted by a question or issue that has been brought to me through my work as a sex and kink educator, not as a scientist, but as a curious explorer, philosopher, and avid researcher of the human body, mind, and sexuality. My goal is neither to lecture nor to present absolutes, but to illuminate, destigmatize, and create discourse from a nonjudgemental, loving place. I, therefore, welcome your follow-up questions and add-ons in the comment section. Also, feel free to email me your own question via [email protected]. Thank you for being here!
