My Four Most Fabulous Sexcapes in Nature
Stories and tips on how to elevate your wildest adventures
February’s already flown by and I’m feeling further frisky. In mere weeks the weather will warm up and, again, inspire illicit pursuits in parks, woodlands, and wilderness.
While I’ve had my fair share of outdoor fun, ever since I can remember, these seem to be getting even more frequent with age and experience. I suppose, as I’ve gotten less timid and have learned to find partners who share my sense of adventure, there’s no end to where curiosity and passion may lead us.
Last month I published a handy survival guide for outdoor sex, with advice on how to cause minimum impact. This time, I thought I’d share my most spectacular experiences; perhaps as a source of inspiration to those looking to get out of the sack and into more scenic environments.
The Beach
According to Hollywood, beach-sex is the ultimate romantic sexcapade, but we all know those people are full of baloney. Getting it on straight on the strand won’t lead to a Hollywoodesque ending, but rather with a ton of sand up your rear-end—and in every other crack for that matter.
Meaghan Ward makes several excellent points about why sex on the beach is overrated, but there are ways to avoid the most obvious disasters.
I’ve had sex on the beach a few times, and a couple of them were spectacular—even surreal. Beyond the most important point; to bring your largest blanket, you might take a few hints from the following stories.
Sex on the beach #1: A foursome with two whales
It was late summer in the Pacific North West when my then-boyfriend and I decided to hit the local beach, bringing takeaway tacos, firewood, an extra-large blanket, and towels.
We searched out a secluded spot where the sand was still slightly moist and, therefore, less unruly. After sharing our meal, we got down to business.
The loud calls and thrashing of the two 30 metric tonne bodies pounding together and hitting the water, ‘sort of‘ outshone our comparatively insignificant performance.
Honestly, I don’t recall much of the actual sex: Not only was it ‘ages’ ago but, as we were at it, a pair of Humpback Whales decided to join us in heat—just a stone's throw offshore. The loud calls and thrashing of the two 30 metric tonne bodies pounding together and hitting the water, sort of outshone our comparatively insignificant performance.
We were both in awe and giggling at the ordeal.
Just as we finished, an angry park ranger came and threw a bucket of water on our fire, and we proceeded to pack up and saunter home, satisfied, charmed and a little chilly from the wet sand—And, thanks to the blanket and towels, we only had minimal amounts of sand in inconspicuous places.
Scenery: 8/10 | Sexiness: 2/10 | Overall: 6/10
Sex on the beach #2: Hummingbirds and the bees
Also on the Pacific North West, on a hidden shore on an island near our city, we’d pitched a tent on a large tree root at the edge between the beach and the trails. Here, we stayed for several nights, hiking during the day, and cooking on an open fire each evening.
We even took our showers, with locally made lavender soap under a fresh waterfall that poured over the monumental cliffs encasing ‘our’ bay.
It was pretty damn picture-perfect!
Naked and gazing up at a family of hummingbirds feasting on orange honeysuckle, against clear blue skies, it remains my most dazzling sexy-setting.
Equally picturesque was sex in the morning, as the run roasted us through the open tent-roof. Here too, I remember the surroundings far more vividly than the act itself: Naked and gazing up at a family of hummingbirds feasting on orange honeysuckle, against clear blue skies, it remains my most dazzling sexy-setting.
Scenery: 9,5/10 | Sexiness: 4,5/10 | Overall: 7/10
The Park
A couple of years ago, I had a lover who adored outdoor naughtiness, possibly even more than me, and our goal was to put as many pins on the map of Berlin as we could. Due to reasons I won’t repeat, we didn’t get too far, but, we managed at least six, and half of them were in some of the city’s many green areas.
On two occasions we struggled to find privacy, and when the voyeurs tuned in to what we were up to, they started following us. While I’m somewhat of an exhibitionist, having unwelcome strangers peeking and potentially recording behind the bushes is a different matter.
So, while parks are great for their proximity and easy access, they’re not quite wilderness and, therefore, they offer their own challenges.
Sex in the park: Springtime eruption
Our most successful park performance was one during late spring. My lover was headed out of town on business, and, with limited time to spare, we decided to meet somewhere on his route to the airport. A quick map-investigation pointed us to a train station next to a quiet park by the river.
After stashing his suitcase, we hit the trails and quickly found a beautiful, sunny, green spot amid the trees, lined with wild garlic.
He and I had a pretty intense D/s relationship, so, of course, there was spanking involved, for which he found plenty of perfectly shaped sticks lying around.
This park-quicky was eruptive, lush and ferocious — much like spring itself.
The weather was just warm enough for bare legs, and we were frolicking about; bursting with passion, when he bent me over a fallen tree and pulled up my dress. With my knees planted in a patch of Ramsons, and held up mostly by my hair caught in his strong fist, this park-quicky was eruptive, lush and ferocious—much like spring itself.
There was something chimerical, and old-timey romantic about waving him off at the platform after, to then make my way back to the city; dried leaves in my hair, garlic-stained knees, and all—but with a big, sneaky smile on my face.
Scenery: 7/10 | Hotness: 9/10 | Overall: 8/10
The Forest
The woods are my hands-down favorite outdoor place to get frisky. Since I grew up around temperate forests, lakes, and fjords, there’s something about the smell of sap, pine, dirt and brackish water that makes me feel like I’m not merely in nature; I am nature. And there’s no one hotter than the divine goddess, Mother Nature, herself!
Sex in the woods: Blood, sweat, and dirt
I’ve been planning to write a longer erotic tale about this particular event, but it’s simply hard to find the words. Yael Wolfe, something tells me that this one will make you squirm:
A lover and I had been spending the day at a local lake. When it got chillier, we decided to make our way further from shore to catch the hot afternoon sun through a gap in the forest roof. Lying there, gazing into the dark woods next to us, sexual tension built immediately, and we picked up our towels and skipped barefoot through the wet moss in search of a suitable bedstead.
—I’m on my period, and I’m bleeding a lot, I warned.
—Do I look like I give a damn, he gnarled back with a wink.
What followed was the utmost of primal shenanigans; I sweat just thinking about it. Speaking of sweat, I can almost smell the mix of petrichor, moist leaves, and fresh pine needles, blending with perspiration, metallic menstrual blood, and salty-sweet sex.
I think a few runners passed by somewhere in the background, but it barely bothered me as I was a different kind of creature during that time—for which span I have no concept of.
It was hot—it was wild—it was feral as hell!
I can almost smell the mix of petrichor, moist leaves, and fresh pine needles, blending with perspiration, metallic menstrual blood, and salty-sweet sex.
Sometime later, as dusk began to lower its cloak all around us, we crawled our sunkissed bodies out from under the trees. Embalmed in a medley of dirt, cruor and other sticky fluids, we submerged our bodies into the lukewarm lakewater before we dressed and headed home.
High as a kite, we might as well have flown home, but chances are we took a train…
Scenery: 8/10 | Hotness: 10/10 | Overall: 9/10
What’s next?
There’s still so much I haven’t tried and places where I’d love to go rogue! High on the list are the mountains of my home-land overlooking clear blue glacier water, the roof of a camper van, and by a crackling fire at night—but really, I’m up for any sizzling scenario where the opportunity presents itself.
Besides, I’ll happily return to the local woodlands anytime, and I still have plenty of pins to put down in the city of Berlin. Lucky for me, I know someone who’s ready and willing to help me complete my mission in the upcoming seasons. (Hint, hint…)
With that, I wish you all frisky and frolicsome warm seasons ahead. For those who’ve yet to try, I encourage you to get out and be intimate with nature—she’s hot stuff—and, being part of her, so are you!
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