A Survival Guide for Successful Outdoor Sex

The Seven Principles of Leave No Trace rewritten: Minimum impact practices for sex outside

I’m still in my winter coat and nowhere near removing my panties in public… yet. But, spring is right around the corner, and when it comes to outdoor sex, you want to prepare ahead.

Yes, I can hear what you’re thinking:

—Isn’t outdoor sex supposed to be fun and impromptu?

Absolutely! But, a tiny bit of planning and preparedness actually allows us to be all that more spontaneous in the heat of the moment.

Stepping out of the zone and into the unknown is a huge reason why outdoor sex is a good idea.

The majority of sex happens inside, and predominantly in bed, for obvious reasons: Beds are convenient, and, not to mention, comfortable. And while comfy is great—who doesn’t crave warm, soothing and cuddly?—we never want to get comfortable to the point of complacency. Stepping out of the zone and into the unknown is a huge reason why outdoor sex is a good idea.

Another great reason is that it feels amazing! If you have yet to experience the sensation of a mild breeze, or fresh grass, tickling your inner thighs—if you haven’t dug your nails in the dirt and inhaled the scent of petrichor with your partner’s sweaty skin against yours—well, I can think of a few items for the ol’ bucket list!

But first, let’s get practical! The regular Seven Principles of Leave No Trace provide a framework of minimum impact practices for anyone visiting the outdoors. Based on my personal sexcapades, I’ve rewritten these for anyone planning to get extra intimate with mother-nature—regardless of whether you’re headed for the great outdoors, or an inner-city park or green area.

If you haven’t dug your nails in the dirt and inhaled the scent of petrichor with your partner’s sweaty skin against yours — well, I can think of a few items for the ol’ bucket list!

1. Plan ahead and prepare

Having a few things handy allows you to get frisky on a dime. Here’s a few practical items to add to your outdoor sex-kit:

Picnic blanket Whether you plant your bum on the forest floor or a park bench, laying down a small piece of clean fabric makes the whole ordeal comfier, safer and prevents you from getting stuff where they don’t belong.

If you want to travel light, a small towel does the job too.

Hand sanitizer A mini bottle of this stuff allows for a quick clean up if you’re far from running water.

Bottled water Stay hydrated before and after the act, and use it to rinse your hands after using the sanitizer; you don’t want that stuff near any sensitive areas.

Tissues and wet wipes Perfect for a quick clean up. No further instructions needed.

Condoms A lover and I once forgot to bring protection on one of our sexcapades and ended up walking miles to find an open gas station in the middle of nowhere. If you need then, do remember to bring these!

Cover up If you plan your rendezvous in a semi-public area, wear or bring a piece of loose clothing or shawl that is easy to throw on in case you encounter unexpected visitors.

Sunscreen There are a few places where the sun doesn’t (normally) shine, where you definitely don’t want a painful sunburn! In either case, if you plan on basking naked under the sun, bring that bottle of SPF!

A small garbage bag Remember to bring a little something to carry your waste with you to the nearest garbage can.

2. Know your local ‘lewd-act’ laws

Even though we’re all born naked, nudity, and especially sex-acts in public, are considered serious offenses in many parts of the world.

I’m lucky to live in liberal Berlin, where public nudity is legal and accepted unless it offends someone—which is hard to do here. Sex in public parks is common and, supposedly, if you’re covered by a blanket or towel, you won’t get fined. Even if you should get fined, you won’t be out more than a maximum of €200.

Splitting that fine with my lover would suck, but it wouldn’t ruin me, and therefore, I’ll happily take the risk.

If I lived in Guelph, Ontario (CA), I’d definitely think twice before risking the potential 6 months in prison and/or $5,000 fine for indecent nudity.

Take note of your local laws and fines before disrobing in public, and make sure you’re ready to pay your dues should you get caught with your pants down. The deeper into the wilderness you go, the safer you are though.

3. Dispose of waste properly

All the stuff I recommended in point one; don’t leave any of it behind. Whenever we spend time in nature, or anywhere outside for that matter, we should aim to leave no trace.

I frequently come across condoms in the bushes around public parks and playgrounds (yes, playgrounds!) around where I live. I suppose this is the flipside to the liberal attitude towards sex and nudity in this city.

If you want to merge in, and with, nature, be like nature: Leave nothing behind. And for goodness sake, dispose of your condoms responsibly, and especially, far away from kids and animals!

4. Leave what you find

Don’t leave anything behind—and don’t take anything with you. Again, it’s all about not leaving a trace.

For those who are into adding an element of spanking to their outdoor play, small sticks can add an edge to your forest frolicking—but, use ones you find on the ground rather than pulling them off the trees.

5. Respect wildlife

There might not be a lot of wildlife in the city, all though, in Berlin we have a ton of foxes roaming around our parks—I spotted two this morning already.

Wherever you go to get frisky, be conscientious of local wildlife and don’t make their mating grounds yours. Especially in spring, steer clear of places where birds and other wildlife are nesting.

Once, as a teenager, I was attacked by a handful of angry seagulls when I accidentally stepped onto their nesting grounds. Luckily, this was not while having sex, but I can only imagine the horror of an angry-bird attack in the midst of a heated moment.

6. Be considerate of other visitors

Consent doesn’t only apply to physical touch: No one should ever be put in a situation where they’re forced to watch a sex act.

If you choose to get-it-on in a place where you risk being seen by other people, such as in a city park, be mindful of the people around you. Choose a place where potential onlookers can easily choose not to look. And, it goes without saying, steer clear of areas where children and underage people are playing!

7. Have an exit-strategy

In the case that your adventure goes rogue; you’re surprised by unwelcome visitors or in danger of getting caught — either by the cops or in a nasty rainstorm — make sure you can quickly and easily throw on that handy shawl or robe and get your butt out of ‘danger’ and into safety, or under-cover.

In the end, whether you’re in it for the thrill or simply looking to connect deeper with our Mother—or both—don’t take risks you’re not ready to face the potential consequences of.

Stay safe, respect all life around you, and, once more; leave no trace.

With that, I wish you a rousing spring and happy sexcapades in the warmer months ahead.

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