avatarDr Mehmet Yildiz

Summary

An individual recounts a chance encounter with an elderly man in a local market that prompts reflections on managing amygdala hijacks, the role of consequential strangers, and the importance of empathy and understanding in short-term interactions.

Abstract

The narrative describes an unexpected interaction between the author and a 70-year-old man who requests assistance in cutting a watermelon, leading to a discussion on the balance between instinctive emotional responses (amygdala hijacks) and rational thought. The author, who carries a Swiss knife in their emergency bag, helps the man, who has diabetes and is restricted from eating certain foods, including watermelon. The encounter evolves into a moment of connection and sharing, highlighting the man's struggles with dietary restrictions and the author's practice of active listening and non-judgmental support. The story underscores the significance of temporary relationships, the challenges of managing addictive behaviors, and the author's holistic approach to health and well-being. It concludes with reflections on the transient nature of human connections and the potential for serendipitous meetings to offer valuable life lessons.

Opinions

  • The author emphasizes the importance of taming one's amygdala through information, verification, and training to maintain emotional balance.
  • There is a recognition that sometimes people need a companion rather than a lecturer, suggesting that empathy and understanding are more valuable than advice in certain contexts.
  • The author believes in the power of active listening, noting that it can be perceived as a meaningful conversation by the other party.
  • The narrative conveys the idea that fleeting happiness, even if it involves health risks, can be significant for an individual's emotional well-being.
  • There is an opinion that dietary restrictions, while medically necessary, can be perceived as a threat by the emotional brain, leading to a desire to express and act on cravings.

Metabolic and Mental Health

A Man Holding a 7 kg Watermelon Caught My Attention and Prompted My Action.

I provide a perspective on handling my amygdala hijacks and short-term relationships with consequential strangers.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels on Pexels

I needed a quick shop and walk today.

I needed to go to the local market to get a few things for my dinner earlier today. It was a sunny late afternoon after demanding work.

It has been a pleasure to walk to the local market and carry my stuff in a small backpack. As usual, I was about to leave the shop with my gear after completing my purchases.

The shop has an enormous fruit and vegetable section. It is a pleasure to look at and walk among fruits and vegetables. I don’t eat them anymore but grazing them gives me spiritual and artistic charm.

Suddenly, with my peripheral vision, I noticed a man in his 70s looking at my eyes directly. He was tightly and affectionately holding a big watermelon in an eclipse shape and dark green color.

I looked at his emotional face smiling, showing interest in conversing. But the initial communication instantly activated the circuits of my old brain beyond my control.

Dealing with Instant Amygdala Hijacks

He asked whether I had a knife by any chance to cut his seven-kilo babe.

My old brain immediately created a stormy reaction causing me to freeze.

The knife is associated with injury, suicide, or mortality. But a knife is also a neutral tool for our needs.

My amygdala hijacks usually happen in a frozen format. I rarely fight or flight due to my upbringing and education.

Since my neocortex is familiar with the frozen feeling generated by the old brain, the cognitive parts of my brain quickly took over.

I asked the man what kind of knife he needed.

He said, “perhaps a pocket knife,” elaborating, “I wanna cut this baby.”

My amygdala attempted another hijack, but I did not allow it by smiling and softly asking, “do you mean your watermelon?” He nodded with a hopeful smile.

The Pleasure of Having a Needed Tool

I always carry a small emergency bag in my backpack for absolute necessities. One of the items is a Swiss knife due to its multifunctional nature.

When he heard I had a knife, he got elated. I was curious where he would cut the watermelon.

He said, “I’d appreciate it much if you could walk with me to the adjacent park and wait a few moments until I cut this baby.”

As my amygdala associated the baby with watermelon, it did not cause a noticeable reaction. It is how I have been taming it for years. It needs information, verification, and constant training to stay silent.

I remembered the great park as I always walked on the grass barefoot and the pullups in the tree branches.

I agreed to go to the park with him.

The Clandestine Pleasure of Eating Watermelon

He said, “I love eating this baby.” Somehow it sounded better than killing it to my amygdala. People use eating body parts as an affection.

My grandma used to say, “I will eat your sweet tongue,” when I made a clever statement in childhood.

The man’s story grabbed my attention. He has had diabetes for several years. His family doctor asked him to remove particular foods from his diet. One of them was watermelon.

He gave up smoking and drinking alcohol, but he kept craving watermelon. I understood this desire as I used to crave sugary foods while on high-carb diets. The feeling could be unbearable for some.

The old brain takes over, shutting down the thinking brain. So willpower does not work when we crave it.

The tiny spoon in my emergency bag did not satisfy his need. Then, unexpectedly, he asked, “do you mind if I eat with my hands?”

I said no worries, handing him a wet tissue from my emergency bag. After wiping his hands, the man started using his hands as a large spoon.

The fruit’s water was dropping on his chin and through his bulging belly when sitting in the semi-lotus position. I felt like watching a kid as his behavior looked so innocent and authentic.

His building belly brought the image of Alberto’s potbelly, a person who appeared in my life like an angel during a difficult time when I was desperate.

Signs of Dopamine Bringing More Conversations

He said, “Pardon my rudeness. Wanna have some?”

I didn’t want to say I hadn’t eaten watermelon for decades. So instead, I thanked the man, pointing out that our dinner time was approaching. I wanted to give the impression not to affect my appetite.

He understood and said, “fair enough.”

He started complaining about the restrictive attitudes of his wife, family doctor, grown-up kids, and grandchildren. The problem was everyone tried to stop him from eating his favorite foods. In short, he was tired of the restrictions imposed on him.

His thinking brain seemed to understand their good intention, while the old brain perceived them as a threat.

He apologized for forgetting to bring his knife and spoon. He blamed his aging brain.

Watermelon in this season was his favorite. His second one was mango which was also on his restricted list.

He asked again whether I would like to get some. When I smiled, he understood, apologizing again and blaming his aging brain.

Finally, his neurological issues became apparent to me, so I acted with more compassion.

While taking another big bite, he said he could no longer perform in bed. Then, he asked, “do you still have sex with your miss?”

I smiled, refraining from making any verbal response. I knew the man had no ill intention. Possibly, he needed to express his emotions.

When noticing the silence, he looked into my eyes with more attention. Then, with a regretful tone, he apologized for his inappropriate question. He blamed his aging brain again.

I smiled authentically, saying no problem pointing out all was good from my end. The man’s facial expression showed relief.

He continued eating using his hands like a big spoon. I imagined the reactions of his old brain. I felt like seeing the neurons dancing with victory.

But, I also imagined his suppressed neo-cortex seeing the neurons grieving.

Taming the Temptations of Ego

This innocent man’s behavior painted a typical picture in my mind. I have people in my circles suffering from diabetes. I used to be at the onset of type II diabetes at my younger age.

One of my parents and several relatives suffer from it.

As I researched the topic for a long and have been writing about it, my ego triggered a few temptations. One temptation was to lecture the person about the problems of sugar on diabetes.

But my thinking brain believed it was a bad idea. This man might have heard about it countless times in his seven-decade. So, there was no point in adding more fuel to his fire.

I mindfully refrained from commenting on the harmful effects of excessive sugar on our metabolic and mental health.

Considering the restrictions the man’s family members imposed on him, he possibly knew all those. But he needed to express his emotions by relating and taking actions instructed by his emotional brain.

The Meaning of Temporary Relationships

We relate to others in various ways. Some are long-term, and some are short-term relationships.

This particular meeting was a very short-term relationship. Thus, I had to keep it in the proper context.

My relationship with this innocent soul was to communicate at a human level allowing him to express himself. He did not need another person judging and putting restrictions on him.

He was already wounded. I want to contribute to healing his bleeding wound with empathy and compassion by listening to his concerns.

I did not say much apart from a few filler words like “yes, no, I see, definitely, why not, what else, tell me more, really, wow, etc.”

But the man had an impression that we had an extensive conversation. Active listening might look like a meaningful conversation to some.

He thanked me with vibrant energy. It seemed the sugar of watermelon gave the energy rush. His elevated mood was attractive.

He looked and sounded like a little child who got his favorite toy at the right time.

The Essence of Departure with Farewells

Every long or short-term relationship ends.

When he finished eating almost two-thirds of his seven-kilo watermelon, I indicated I needed to go. However, for a moment, I was curious why he didn’t choose a smaller piece as he had to throw the rest.

Then, I remembered desiring bigger toys when I was a child. Thus I stopped my temptation to ask.

He kept telling me fragmented pieces from his childhood about the difficulties in his teenage years, marriage issues, problems with his children, sexual concerns, financial difficulties, challenges of his labor work, and annoyances with relatives and neighbors.

It was lovely to hear his story in his warm voice and authentic Aussie accent, but I had to go. When I made subtle signs, he picked the clues saying, “I better let you go. You saved my day.”

He wanted to talk more when I was listening actively. But we stood up. He decided to walk toward the small creek to wash his hands.

When I said it was nice to meet him, he hugged me so firmly that I felt it in all my bones, giving me thrills.

I reciprocated his hug and patted his back gently, showing my affection.

He requested my email address or phone number to stay in touch. I gave him my social card, including my email and other details aiming for new encounters in my life. I constantly invest in my serendipity and karma account.

Who knows, he could be another angel in human form, bringing me crucial life lessons. I keep my mind open.

With a smile on his happy face, he kept waving to me while departing.

So, of course, I waved back until his image disappeared. But his picture illustrating the joy while eating the watermelon cemented in my memories.

Final Thoughts and Takeaways

This short encounter with a stranger showed a few crucial points regarding my psyche. This man was no longer a stranger in my life, entering my fond memories.

I painted a mental picture of a lovely soul in a human shape, holding a seven-kilogram watermelon in the local shop, grabbing my attention and inspiring me to take calming action.

The first point relates to my old brain versus the neocortex. Even though I have worked on taming my amygdala for decades, it still shows its presence when perceiving threats, even in the safest environments.

The second point is to recognize temptations triggered by our caring ego, which has good intentions. Nevertheless, its actions could be detrimental in the wrong context and at an inappropriate time.

For example, in this case, this man needed a supporter and a companion, not a lecturer. Noticing this need helped me build a better relationship with this person. Besides, it contributed to his fleeting happiness.

I knew his good mood was transient, caused by the sugar rush.

But everything in life is ephemeral.

Tasting a small joy seemed to satisfy the needs of his soul even though the additional sugar and substantial insulin spikes caused more damage to his body.

In my position, there was nothing more to offer apart from listening to his pain and aspirations. All I could do at that moment was listen to him without judgment. Making a little therapeutic contribution could be better than nothing.

I believed that this innocent man needed the help of a psychotherapist to identify and address his suppressed emotions pulling strings in his life. I wish I had a better chance to convey this message to him.

But, unfortunately, it was not appropriate in this short happenstance.

This meeting was a serendipitous encounter in my and his journey.

As Melinda Blau documented, we encounter consequential strangers in our journey on this planet. They bring additional meaning to our lives. As a lifelong learner and an accomplished author, Melinda highlights the surprising benefits of collecting consequential strangers.

For example, some strangers might turn to friends. And some might re-appear in a difficult time. So we need to be discerning. However, we never know when and how they will appear again.

Thank you for reading my perspectives. I wish you a healthy and happy life.

I documented my perspectives on addictive behavior in an article.

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