7 Things You Should Quit Today for a Ridiculously Simple Life
Happiness comes from clarity.
I come across a lot of people who burden their lives with destructive habits. They blame life circumstances for their missteps and their partners for their crappy mood.
Perhaps you are one of these people? Perhaps you think the world is against you and life is a struggle?
If so, you shouldn’t look for the answers outside but within yourself.
And it all starts with cleaning up the mental habits that hold you back.
Getting your self-esteem from others.
The most brutal crime toward yourself is failing to recognize your value.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel accepted and seen. But relying on praise from others makes you their prisoner.
When you abandon yourself or fail to set boundaries, you allow people to walk all over you. As a result, you feel not good enough… because your self-worth is established upon the actions of others. The vicious circle continues.
Instead of trying to buy your way into somebody’s good books, meditate on how you view yourself.
Valuing yourself is not narcissism or vanity. It is the healthiest act of self-love.
Nobody can make you feel less until you give them the power to do so.
Your worth can be determined only by how you think and feel about yourself, which, consequently, impacts your behaviour.
All you need is the acceptance of one person: yourself. Nobody else matters as long as you see the good in yourself.
When you connect your worth with anything outside yourself, you are setting yourself up for failure.
How can you break the destructive habit?
- Acknowledge that you seek external validation. Acceptance is the first step to making a change.
- Get in touch with your deepest fears. Why do you prioritize the opinions of others over yourself? How does it make you feel? What do you seem to lack?
- Practice self-love daily. Start your day by saying, “I love you. I see you.” to the reflection in the mirror.
- Learn to set boundaries.
- Spend time alone. It will make you a better human being.
The role of people in your life isn’t to make you feel special. This one you need to nail down on your own.
Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
—Louise L. Hay
Attacking and putting yourself down.
Self-criticism ruins your confidence.
And a healthy dose of confidence is vital to achieving your goals and leading a healthy and independent life.
What is more, when your self-talk improves, your relationships get better.
Your internal dialogue determines your actions. It either sabotages your success or pushes you towards greatness.
Cut out sentences like “I can’t” and “I am not smart or pretty enough” from your vocabulary.
Every time you catch yourself thinking in those categories, immediately flip those depreciating thoughts around.
Change “I can’t” into “It is possible”. Instead of saying, “I am not good enough”, start saying, “I am getting better and better every day”.
Self-talk is power.
How you decide to see this world determines the quality of your life. Your life is as good as your perception of it.
Would you allow your best friend to emotionally bully herself? I bet you would talk her out of it. Why won’t you do the same for yourself?
Every time you say something negative about yourself, say at least three kind sentences to yourself.
Start a compliment journal. Every morning, list ten compliments for yourself, your body, your character, and your skills. Compliments are powerful mood boosters.
Surround yourself with positive people. Optimism is contagious.
Your inner dialogue determines how you approach life and how life treats you. Action can get you far. But what you think, feel and believe about yourself always determines the outcome of every effort.
When you believe in yourself, there is no mountain you cannot climb. It may take longer than others. You can find a different path. Nevertheless, you will achieve what you put your mind to.
When you criticize yourself instead of supporting your dreams, any success will be a struggle.
The better your self-talk gets, the better your life becomes.
All of your actions, feelings, behaviors, even your abilities are always consistent with your self-image.
— Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics
Thinking that others are better than you.
In the age of social media, everyone is constantly comparing themselves to people on the screen.
Comparison is the thief of joy, money, and peace of mind. It is like a poisonous fog spreading through your life. You become blind to things and people you can be grateful for.
Suddenly, your body isn’t good enough, your home needs a renovation, and your wardrobe is embarrassing you.
But you didn’t come here to live the life social media trends expect you to.
The Higher Power did not create you to look like that Instagram model.
You came here to be YOU. You came here to be unique and to realize you are enough just the way you are.
Your passions are supposed to light you up, not spark jealousy in others.
Your life should feel good to you, not to thousands of followers on TikTok.
The moment you strive to look happy on social media more than be happy in real life, you have abandoned your true purpose on Earth — yourself.
- Dive into gratitude. The morning gratitude changed my life. It programs my mind to appreciate what I get to enjoy in life instead of focusing on what I seem to lack.
- Limit scrolling time — or eliminate social media if you are bold enough.
- Cheer people on their way to success. Recognizing the success of others is a confirmation of your own greatness.
- Adopt mindfulness. When you jump into the comparison trap, stop yourself in the early tracks and see through the illusion you have created.
You think somebody has it better than you. You think you don’t have enough. But it is never true. It is just an illusion of your programmed mind.
You are on the right track. You are enough. And your disbelief keeps you from happiness.
Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud.
— Shannon L. Alder
Expecting the worst.
Your thoughts aren’t real. But if you continue to build your life around your worst assumptions, your thoughts will become a reality.
Imagining the worst-case scenario is nothing more than creating a fantasy world.
The problem begins once you centre your actions around pessimistic thinking. Worrying is extremely exhausting and unproductive.
You cannot control everything in life. The only thing you have control over is your thoughts. They determine how you feel and how you act.
If there is nothing you can do about a situation you fear, the only solution is to let go.
The practice of letting go can heal your life.
Worrying is nothing more than trying to convince yourself you are in control. It gives you the illusion of authority but doesn’t put you in the driver’s seat.
Some things you cannot influence regardless of how much you worry about them.
Mindfulness can be a peace-saver.
The less you chase, the less you worry, and the more energy you have for taking care of yourself.
When you worry, do your best to stay present. In the now, there is no fear. Only the present moment is real. Everything else is just a projection. It is up to you what you want to focus on.
Here is my tip for worrying: take a walk.
A walk a day keeps the troubles away. It always helps me to put things in perspective. Nature has this magical quality that makes your worries irrelevant and belittles their magnitude.
99% of the time, our worries are not as big as we make them out to be.
Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.
— Roy T. Bennett
Living in the past.
Reflecting on the past is normal. Living in the past is not.
It keeps you stuck and subconsciously repeating old patterns.
You won’t change a thing in your life as long as you relive the old narrative, past mistakes, and ‘coulda woulda shoulda’.
What happened did happen. It belongs to the past. You belong to the present.
Your past might have been a bumpy road. That road was your catalyst to become a better and wiser individual.
Be proud of the mistakes that you have coined into knowledge. Celebrate where you are today. But don’t relive the past narrative, and especially don’t berate yourself for what happened.
You will have the opportunity to act better. But you won’t recognize those opportunities if you keep focusing on past mistakes.
The same goes for burning nostalgia.
If you think you were happier back then, and you don’t feel satisfied with your life today, remember it is not the end. Life goes on. You can make new choices today.
In a month, you may be in a completely different place than you are today. However, to get there, you need to focus on the present moment.
Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future.
— Robin Sharma
Avoiding failure.
Fear of failure is a breeding ground for perfectionism.
Humans were designed to thrive on failures. When you were a kid, falling down made you walk.
Yet, later in life, we get embarrassed by making mistakes. The result?
Many people don’t even make the first step toward their dream life as they are too intimidated by the possibility of failing.
We weren’t programmed to perceive failures as milestones. Rather as capitulation.
Yet, failures bring wisdom. Rejections become redirections. Wrong turns make for bountiful lessons.
Do you know what happens when you don’t try?
Nothing.
Isn’t it better to stumble and fail and learn than refuse to grow at all?
Mistakes are not the endgame. They steer you in the right direction.
Your failures made you who you are today. So don’t shy away from the possibility of making a mistake. If you fail, it can turn out to be quite an adventure.
Failures do not inhibit but contribute to your learning process.
“I’ve never heard a millionaire entrepreneur say they hit it right the first time out,” says Steve Siebold, whose book “How Rich People Think”, is a culmination of 30 years of interviews. “The bigger they are, the more they’ve typically failed.”
When you start seeing failure as an asset, several things happen:
- you stop caring what people think,
- you enjoy life as if you were a kid again,
- you learn new skills,
- you open up to new possibilities.
You learn more from your failures than your successes.
The only failure is not trying.
Being afraid of change.
Change is one of the natural flows of life. And it usually occurs when we don’t want it.
When your mind goes into panic mode when faced with the possibility of change, ask yourself: What am I resisting?
What you resist, you persist. Once you acknowledge the deepest fear, it becomes less scary.
What are you afraid to lose with the change?
Human minds find it difficult to let something go. It is why change seems dreadful. We love the familiar and detest the uncertainty.
But with every ending comes a new beginning. It will not always be pleasant. But it will always be worth it.
With discomfort, you gain expertise and a new perspective.
Instead of wasting energy by holding on to the comfort of the familiar, utilize this newfound energy to create something new.
Change is going to happen, whether you like it or not. You will come off better by accepting it than resisting it.
When you learn to ride the wave of change, you adopt a growth mindset that promotes abundance, confidence, and vitality.
Change is always a door to a new opportunity.
Adopt a mantra: Change always serves me to become better.
When you shift how you perceive the change, it will start serving you.
To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.
— Pema Chodron
Thank you for being here, — Kate